An A to Z Guide to Movember
The Movember initiative helps to raise awareness for men’s health issues. (Photo: Travis Rathbone/Trunk Archive)
“Look at my face. Notice anything different? No, these are not new glasses. And yes, my jawline is incredibly defined for someone who eats so much pizza — but that’s not it either. It’s my furry little friend here, just below my nose and above my (pizza-filled) mouth. He’s my moustache, now let me tell you why he’s here.”
The above is a conversation I plan to have every day for the next month. For many men, November is moustache month, commonly known as Movember, where we grow moustaches as a way to raise awareness and funds for men’s health issues. Want to know more? We’ve put together this handy A to Z guide for everything you’d ever want to know about Movember.
A is for Awareness
This is the name of the Movember game; Movember is all about raising awareness. And money for a good cause. But the former is just as important: Awareness of testicular cancer, prostate cancer, mental health, and a host of “men’s health issues” that I find a little daunting and scattered. But we’re trying. Hence the moustaches. Guys get into teams and commit to growing moustaches for all of November and raise money with 10Ks, battles of the bands, raffles and other things that no one really engages in unless it’s for charity or they are single and just moved to a new city.
B is for Beards
For some reason, Movember is super prejudiced against beards. No beards allowed.
C is for Cancer
While testicular cancer occurs in about one out of 253 men, one in seven will be diagnosed with prostate cancer. That’s why “D” is so important.
D is for Detection
A doctor needs to put her or his finger in your butt. It’s how they test for prostate cancer, and early detection is key to you surviving he disease. It’s really not as bad as you think, and it will be much worse the more you freak about it.
E is for Eating carrots
The vegetable is said to help prevent prostate cancer, but there’s a lot of argument about that. While a healthy diet is an all around great idea, in terms of prostate cancer, early detection is the key (see D, as if you stopped thinking about it).
F is for Fitness
Working out is a huge part of men’s health. But instead of entering into a 10K on a whim, it’s better to find an exercise routine you can commit to and will become a habit.
G is for Gonads
Guys should check out their own testicles on the regular to feel for any growth or lumps. I like to do a little dance while I do mine.
H is for Heart Disease
It’s important to take care of yourself, because this is the leading cause of death.
I is for Interest
In your new facial hair, of course. Feel free to respond to all sidelong glances and stares with unsolicited lectures about men’s health and how you are taking action while they are just silently judging (No; do not do that. Just say “Movember” and roll your eyes a way that’s a little self-deprecating; if they seem charmed, later on maybe ask them if they’d like to touch it).
J is for Job
Most employers are already aware of Movember. If not, any resistance would be met with immeasurable Internet outrage and make you a cause célèbre on Twitter. In short: you can wear your moustache to your job.
K is for vitamin K
This is the vitamin that helps your blood clot and makes your bones strong; it’s found in veggies like kale and spinach. There is probably no single greater factor in men’s health than diet. Read: Eat less meat, and much less processed meat, salt, fat, and sugar, and more veggies. And juicing does not count. Yes, a cold pressed juice is better for you than a sandwich from Subway, but it’s still not great and not a replacement for the foods that go into it.
L is for Lasik
The laser eye surgery you can get at most malls now. Technology is amazing. Soon enough there will be a Lasik app and they’ll offer it as part of a combo at Taco Bell. But for all our focus on the wonderful things we can do to improve our vision, we forget about critically important vision care. You should see your eye doctor every couple years.
M is for Mustachioed
An adjective that describes a person with a moustache. Example: “The mustachioed villain ate the puppy.”
N is for No-Shave November
An easy alternative to Movember that, while less punny, is more inclusive and beard-friendly.
O is for Oz
As in Dr. Oz. While this guy is a heart surgeon, he also sells magic berries on TV. He should be trusted exactly as much as Dr. Octopus.
P is for Prostate
It’s a gland the size of a walnut that basically feeds and cares for your sperm. It’s the prostate’s dance moves during ejaculation that propels fluid into the urethra and cause 15-year-old boys to spend so much time in their rooms. Prostates become enlarged as men age, which is why older guys have trouble peeing. Women do not have prostates.
R is for Rules
Full set of rules to Movember here, but basically you start growing a moustache November 1 and it can’t be a beard or even connect to your sideburns, which they consider too beard-like (I know, again, it’s the Jets and the Sharks with these people).
S os for STIs
It is no longer appropriate to refer to the gross stuff you can pick up during sex as “STDs,” now they are called Sexually Transmitted Infections. Another unpopular topic of conversation for men’s health. Sexual health is much larger than this paragraph or piece, so I’ll just say this: Unless they have a medical reason not to, everyone should get the HPV vaccine.
T is for getting Tested
Get tested for STIs, yes, but also for things like cholesterol, and PSA, which is a way of determining prostate cancer (though you still have to do that other thing). Blood tests are a part of your annual physical, which you should be having, well, annually.
U is for Under
As in “Down Under,” which is where Movember was started, in 2003, by two blokes (as opposed to 2 Sheilas) named Travis Garone and Luke Slattery. Since then, Movember has raised $649 million for men’s health.
V is for Velvidende
How one says “well-knowing” in Denmark, one of a long list of countries — including Canada, South Africa, Germany and Singapore — that participate in Movember.
W is for Women
Like NFL players dawning pink gloves for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, women can participate in Movember as Mo Sistas (supposedly the female equivalent of Mo Bros), a name the Movember should have spent a little more time workshopping.
X is for Xeronisus
This is a fancy term for the inability to reach orgasm. Guys worry that this is what will happen to them if they go on anti-depressants. And that’s legit. Sexual side effects in SRRIs and other classes of prescribed depression medication are common. That said, lack of sexual interest is also a common symptom of depression.
Y is for Youth
You know, the kids. The people who are into Young Thug and Snapchat and will soon be taking our jobs. They can grow moustaches too; Movember is for everyone.
Z is for Zaire
From 1971-1997, this was the name of the Democratic Republic of Congo, possibly the poorest nation on the planet today. What does the DRC have to do with Movember? Nothing, except that there are lots of places where fitness, mental health, and prostate cancer don’t make the average citizen’s top 100 causes for concern. That is to say, if you’re in a giving mood this holiday season, and you’re not taken with the whole Movember thing, that is absolutely fine. There are plenty of other options. This charity rating site can be a good place to start.
Related:
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