What’s So Wrong With This Picture of Victoria Beckham Kissing Her Daughter?

Victoria Beckham recently posted a photo on Instagram of her kissing daughter Harper on the lips while celebrating her little girl’s fifth birthday, which has ignited a debate about whether parents should be smooching their kids lip-to-lip.

As is often the case when it comes to online comments, there was a wave of negative reactions. Instagram user goalstobedone wrote an immature “EWWW” while therealvictorjr went as far as calling it “child rape.”

One commenter expressed concern that kissing children on the lips is dangerous because it could give them oral herpes. “You are not supposed to kiss your infant or child because 90 percent of the population, maybe even higher, carry the herpes virus, which is what causes cold sores,” wrote shai.town. “It’s fatal for infants and causes cold sores for kids.” It’s true that oral herpes is common in childhood, and while the cold sores it can produce are often an uncomfortable annoyance in children and adults, they can be dangerous to infants — which 5-year-old Harper is not. We’re guessing that in the five years Beckham has been planting kisses on Harper, if the little girl were going to develop a cold sore, it probably would have happened by now.

Others felt that Harper is too old to be smooched on the lips by her mom and that the kiss could be construed as “sexual.” “Harper isn’t a baby anymore, she’s 5,” wrote user eira.n. “Victoria probably paused for a good 6 seconds to take this. Whether people are too ignorant to accept this or not, sexual awareness can be bought on through erogenous zones no matter what your age is. The lips are an erogenous zone. They [sic] are chemicals that are associated with sexual arousal like serotonin and oxytocin that are released through lip kissing for more than just 2 seconds. Children usually associate lip kissing with something mommy and daddy do, or boyfriends and girlfriends, etc. This can cause confusion for them. ”

But many saner heads prevailed, with the majority coming to Beckham’s defense. Several noted that the negative comments say more about the commenters themselves than about the photo, which clearly shows a mother’s affection toward her beloved little girl. User ri_chillin wrote, “Love this! I’m 29 and I still kiss my mom on the lips! It’s love! Nothing stronger than a mother’s love!,” while heighthere wrote, “Love the picture! I kiss my kids, my mom, my bestie ALL ON THE LIPS. Lord save us all ‘eyeroll.’”

Instagram user jones_kate25 summed it up best: “It’s a sad place in the world when a mom can’t kiss their child on the lips. I love this photo and think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. People who do definitely have the wrong view. Go and watch the news and see the real things you should be disgusted in, which is nowhere near this.”

Beckham is far from the only parent — celebrity or not — to ignite controversy by kissing a child. About six years ago, singer Harry Connick Jr. was seen kissing his then 8-year-old daughter, triggering an article in the Stir that questioned when a child is too old to be kissed on the lips by a parent, with an expert saying that kids might find it “confusing.” More recently, the debate — and outrage online — came up again after New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick planted a celebratory kiss on his 30-year-old daughter after his team won the Super Bowl in 2015.

In the case of Beckham and her daughter, though, why are some people quick to judge a sweet, innocent moment between a mother and child and, in some cases, read something more sinister — in this case, sexual — into it?

“So many people believe their way is the best or the right way to approach or handle a particular issue or aspect of parenting,” Susan Newman, social psychologist and author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day, tells Yahoo Beauty. “Their beliefs seem to give them license to judge others: Breast vs. bottle feeding and co-sleeping are good examples of this. Similarly, some families are more affectionate than others. Those who judge might label kissing a child on the lips as inappropriate or sexual, while others will see it as a sign of love. What is customary in one family or culture may be abhorrent or at the least unacceptable in another or to its individual members.”

But multiple studies show that parental warmth and affection — hugs, kisses — are crucial for a child’s well-being, which should come as no surprise. Research published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health showed that babies with highly affectionate moms grew up to be “more resilient, less anxious adults.” After tracking the children of affectionate mothers, the researchers found that at around the age of 34, they showed the lowest levels of distress as adults.

While obviously not all parents are comfortable with kissing their children on the lips, there is nothing wrong with those who do. “Is there anything more glorious than a mom showing her love for her child?” Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and author, told Today.com. “That this mother chose to kiss her 5-year-old daughter on the lips to celebrate her birthday should be celebrated! In a time when we are hurting and seeing the most horrific images imaginable, a photo of love should be cherished.”

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