Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Serve Up Gems Aplenty in New Harper’s Bazaar Interview: ‘What Is the Definition of Vain?’

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian cover the September issue of Harper’s Bazaar — and share their deep thoughts inside. (Photo: Karl Lagerfeld/Harper’s Bazaar)

We have often imagined what it’s like sitting around listening to a candid conversation between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. The reality is better than anything we could have dreamed up.

The pair, whose oversized egos make Donald Trump appear humble, invited some folks from Harper’s Bazaar into their (rental) home in L.A.’s Bel Air nabe for a sit-down for the mag’s big September issue — and it is pure gold. And not because they dis Taylor Swift and keep that feud going. (Asked to name his favorite song of hers, the rapper replies, “I don’t have one.”). There are just so many head-shaking new Kimyeisms that we had to pull out the best ones.

Here’s what the parents of North, 3, and Saint, 9 months, had to say:

1. When asked to name his favorite body part (his own or Kim’s), Kanye, 39, needed an explainer. “Is the face a body part?” he wondered seriously. Ultimately, he went with her “heart.” Aw, shucks.

2. Kim revealed her hidden talent — and it’s a fun one to drill into. “I can smell when someone has a cavity,” the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star, 35, said proudly. “It’s a very specific smell — not a bad-breath smell — but something that is really strong.” OK, then.

Dentists wish they had the hidden talent of Kim K. – then they’d no longer need to take X-rays. (Photo: Instagram)

3. The historical figure Kanye most identifies with? “Us.”

4. From the mouth of the Life of Pablo singer himself, he is not a thinking man. “Here’s something that’s contrary to popular belief: I actually don’t like thinking,” he admitted. “I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don’t. I do not like to think at all.” We believe it.

Just so you know, Kanye is not one of the great thinkers of our time. (Photo: Instagram)

5. Kanye talks about how he falls asleep everywhere. “I can sleep. I love sleep; it’s my favorite,” he said. Kim then told a story about how, early in their relationship, he took her to a business meeting in Paris and promptly fell asleep during it. “He passed out at the table. I’m like, ‘I’m so sorry, we’re jet-lagged,’” she recalled. “You don’t know the number of times I’ve had to say that. I always flat-out lie that he’s jet-lagged, even if we’ve been home for months.”

Tell us something we don’t know, Kanye. (Photo: Instagram)

6. Kanye thinks it’s “important” that Kim posts nude selfies. “To not show it would be like Adele not singing.” Great analogy.

7. Kim isn’t the only one in the family who has snapped a nude pic of herself. Because you were dying to know, “I used to do nude selfies in my single days,” Kanye said. You’d get a good c*** shot here and there. Gotta keep it rock ‘n’ roll.” When size is mentioned, he added, “Yeah, it’s all about scale. You don’t become a rock star for no reason.”

8. When asked who is more vain, Kim replied, “I mean, me.” The best part was that she then picked up her phone to look up the word to be sure. “Yeah, what is the definition of vain? I want to look up exactly what the definition is. Vain, definition: ‘having or showing an excessively high opinion of one’s appearance, abilities, or worth.’” Yup, still her.

You mean to tell us that her photo wasn’t next to the word in the dictionary? (Photo: Instagram)

9. There are some art books on their coffee table. Asked about one, titled Great Stud-Farms of the World,” Kanye replied, “Huh?” Needless to say, Kanye isn’t into stud farms. “Nah, that’s not our book. That’s for staging.”

10. Kanye thinks Kris Jenner is the best momager in the biz. “Kris and the family, they have the power of communication,” he bragged. “This is the No. 1 communications company.” He rises up the ranks of Kris’s favorite in-laws, not that it’s difficult with Lamar Odom, Scott Disick, and Blac Chyna as his competition.

(Photo: Karl Lagerfeld/Harper’s Bazaar)

11. If Kim were invisible for a day, she’d “creepily follow my kids around” and “see what they talk about.” Kanye would “Women’s locker room.” And, no, he didn’t answer the question in a complete sentence, making him seem creepily overeager to peep.

12. During another generic question — “What would you bring to a desert island?” — their answers were again opposites. Family was again her focus, “My kids. My phone,” she said. “Not me,” replied her better half. “I would bring my laptop and the Internet.”

13. Another gem was Kanye explaining to Kim why people don’t like them. After she revealed, “I rented an island for his birthday. A far, far away place where no one can find us,” he said, “You see, those are the type of statements that make people not like us, more so than the ‘I’m the best’ statement. It’s more the ‘Oh, yeah, I just rented an island for his birthday…’ He compared it to Owen Wilson’s character in Meet the Parents. “All of our s*** is like Owen Wilson’s character; he’s like, ‘This is when we jumped off Mount Everest, and we wore turtle flight suits or whatever.’”

(Photo: Karl Lagerfeld/Harper’s Bazaar)

14. Kanye said he is very proud of Kim’s bounce-back after Saint. "You killed this second pregnancy, though,” he told her. “Your body slammed that crap. You made that second pregnancy your bitch.” Um — thanks?

15. Finally, our very favorite line came from Kim, who, again, is queen of the nude selfie, when she lamented to the national magazine, "I wish I had a little bit more privacy.”