Nicole Richie Refuses to Apologize for Her ‘Beastly’ Behavior in the Past
Nicole Richie is now a respected fashion designer and mother of two frequently photographed with A-list friends like Gwyneth Paltrow and Cameron Diaz. Her party girl past as Paris Hilton’s co-star on The Simple Life and the subject of multiple arrests has faded into the back of our minds, alongside things like Jersey Shore and Kim Kardashian’s short-lived marriage to Kris Humphries — we don’t think of it often, but it’s definitely there.
However, Richie’s wild past is something that she does still think about, and she reflected on it as she marked her 35th birthday last month. In a new essay called “Untitled: and that’s the point!” for Lena Dunham’s Lenny newsletter, Richie explained that she’s now come to the conclusion she should not apologize for her past actions.
“I realized I am actually extremely thankful I was so beastly in front of the world for a few reasons,” wrote Richie, who married rocker Joel Madden in 2010. “It’s so bad in people’s minds that there’s nothing that can embarrass me now. I got a little surprise gift of freedom! I also truly believe if I didn’t have so many eyes on me, it would’ve been easier for me to slip back into my reckless behavior. I had people rooting me on and watching me at a time when I needed that.”
Richie explained that she realized she was happy talking about her past at home, like when friends and family would tease her about it. The situation is much different in public.
“When I am out in the world naked and vulnerable, I acknowledge that I was young, had a lot of freedom, and made some ‘bad decisions’” she wrote, “but how bad are they if it‘s part of a journey to understanding who I am and what I stand for?”
She made it clear that she has no interest in being a cliché Hollywood comeback tale … even though she kind of is.
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“I could fall into the role-playing that some people seem to want and say, ‘YES! I am so sorry. I was bad. I am good now! I promise.’” Richie mused. “But I don’t believe in that story of redemption, a good-prevailing-over-evil story. It’s one I’m just not in. I am not going to apologize for being me so you can get your triumphant ending. I don’t believe the world operates in absolutes, in black and white and short and tall — I like living in the gray, in the medium.”
“That’s because all of these things I learned by being me in my teens and twenties are just more tools that allow me to live in a more peaceful, safe way,” she continued. “The simple yet difficult act of forgiving yourself is so powerful, because it’s all within you. We have to embrace ourselves and hold every part of our journey in some type of light. Instead of reliving my past as a point of shame, I’ve embedded the lessons into my skill set.”
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Richie ended her essay on a happy note.
“I’ve been given many titles: Wild child. Reality star. White-washed black girl. Skinny. Rich. (I guess the last two aren’t so bad),” she wrote. “Now, at 35, the only titles I am taking on are the ones I give myself.”
Still, we know that Richie has at least two things she regrets.