Tips for Coping With the Brangelina Divorce (Including Swigging Their Award-Winning Rosé)
It’s the end of an era as we say goodbye to Brangelina.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s relationship has provided an endless stream of entertainment over the last 12 years. They’ve shocked us — from falling in love (when he was still married to Jennifer Aniston) to how fast they grew their family. They’ve impressed us — their charity work is inspiring. They’ve made us root for them — especially after her preventive double mastectomy. They’ve also made us roll our eyes. All the while, they made it hard to take our eyes off them.
Related: How Much Is at Stake in the Brangelina Divorce?
As they go from being the “Jolie-Pitts” back to “Jolie” and “Pitt” following their divorce news, we offer a few lighthearted tips for getting over this power couple — some we’ll be employing as well. Maybe we have already started. (See No. 5. Cheers!)
1. Watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith … It was while making this movie that they fell in love — and you could see the sparks. You can also watch them try to kill each other, which we feel is about where they are today.
2. … While eating a bag of Cheetos. That’s what their children are always eating. Could their kids’ junk food consumption be part of the differing parenting styles that led to the split?
3. Peruse the hilarious Jennifer Aniston memes. You don’t even have to be #TeamAniston to appreciate them.
4. Adopt a child. Now, we know that not everybody is able to make this lifetime commitment. But why not try giving of yourself by sponsoring a child and donating a monthly fee through an organization that is dedicated to helping those in need.
5. Sip rosé all day. And make sure it’s the couple’s award-winning Miraval rosé, which tastes like “strawberry or raspberry Pez.” Who will get their vineyard in the French countryside in the settlement?
6. Draw on a white T-shirt with Magic Markers, and wear it around your house. It will make you feel like you’re wearing Angelina’s wedding dress.
7. Go shopping at a toy store. Buy one of everything. Return it all after you remember you’re not as rich as Brad and Angie are.
8. Cuddle an oversize purple teddy bear. Pax would approve.
9. Make out with your brother. Oh, come on — have a sense of humor!
10. Lie down in your 9-foot-wide bed, draw the shades, and cry. Remember that you don’t have a 9-foot-wide bed; only Angie and Brad did. Cry some more.
11. Dig out a skirt with the highest leg slit possible. Rip it even higher. Stick out your leg in the most awkward way possible. Strut around like you are Angie at the Oscars.
12. Get a tattoo. Remember the day by getting a tattoo of the latitude and longitude of the location where you were when you heard that Brangelina split.
Give it a little time. We promise that everything is going to be OK.