25 Captain Holt Quotes That Prove He Is The King Of "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine remains one of the greatest sitcoms to come out on television in recent years, and it's partially thanks to the incomparable Captain Raymond Holt.
Shakespearean actor Andre Braugher shines as Captain Holt in practically every scene he's in, making his character one of the most beloved in the entire show. And so, let's take a look at the 25 Best Captain Holt Quotes in Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!
25."I don't care for cheese. I'm a curd-mudgeon."
Holt telling a bad joke will never not be funny.
24."You gotta do whatcha gotta do. Captain Raymond Holt. What's up?"
He's the man every woman wants, and the one they can never get. But his words will never fail to make women (and Jake) melt like butter.
23."A bold personality. We know what that's code for. She's a bitch."
Harsh words to give to a show dog.
22."If you excuse me, Sergeant Wells. We need to go to the BRB. It's BRB time. We're BRB-ing."
Holt just always has trouble being hip. And yet he will always be relevant.
21."I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets."
Whoa, things just got medieval. But that's the Halloween Heist for you.
20."The night shift stinks. Stinks like a butt."
Tell it how it is, man!
19."Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it."
Oh, if only it were that easy. The world would be a much better place.
18."I'm a human. I'm a human male."
Yeah, that's not what a human says. It's what a robot says when he's trying to blend in with human society. No wonder he is mistaken for a bot on Twitter in this scene. You have to wonder if Holt is also mistaken for a robocaller often.
17."Well, Terry, if you'd like, I could share a lewd story. Kevin got me…quite horny this morning."
Hot.
16."She was such a strong female woman with nice, heavy breasts."
This is how heterosexual Holt describes his "totally real" dead wife.
15."Captain Wuntch, good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?"
And thus, the ultimate rivalry was introduced to us all. This is only one of the many hilarious insults Holt gives to his mortal enemy: Madeline Wuntch.
14."You know me. I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts, and all logic flies out the window."
Any time Holt pretends to be a straight man is flat-out hilarious.
13."There is nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis."
Seriously. If you didn't know him, at this point, you'd have to know he was faking it.
12."D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Derek! D-D-D-D-D-D-D-Derek!"
Captain sure knows how to rap. Happy birthday, Derek!
11."Wuntch-time is over! BOOM! DID IT! Ha, ha! Had it both ways! No regrets."
Holt just cannot resist the chance to one-up Madeline Wuntch.
10."I see you have a knife, but what you need is an umbrella. Cause there's a @$%! storm gonna rain down on you…PUNK!"
Let this one be a lesson to you all. Never steal Holt's dog, Cheddar, or else you'll awaken his inner John Wick.
9."Wuntch is dead! BAGEL! BAGEL! BAGEL!"
Ding-dong! The Wuntch is dead! In one of the few times we see Holt smile, the Captain celebrates the death of Madeline Wuntch the way New Yorkers do, with bagels. It's pretty inappropriate to celebrate someone's death like this, but it is hilarious to see him screaming "BAGEL" at everyone.
8."No, from now on, call me…Velvet Thunder!"
Just the way he says this line is enough to have us all gushing.
7."Vindication!"
Holt just loves balloon arches. So much so, that when he learns Rosa loves them just as much, he can't help but cheer.
6."If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like."
Damn, Captain.
5."YOU TOOK THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY!"
Once again, NEVER STEAL CHEDDAR!
4."Yas queen!"
Holt sure knows how to play the gay card, and that finger snap with his stony expression just makes this moment perfect.
3."BOOST MY BOTTOM!"
Holt doesn't even need to stand up to a great captain. He just needs a little boost.
2."HOT DAMN!"
Holt has always been quite the gambler. Though it did become an addiction for him in the past, it is still hilarious to hear him making this victory chant after guessing why Amy was late for work.
1."BONE!"
When Holt is arguing with Kevin over the Monty Hall problem, Rosa suggests they just need to relieve stress. Though she was warned by Amy, she then utters the forbidden word that sets Holt into an absolute frenzy. There are so many great things about this scene, including Holt holding onto the door frame, screaming, Amy curling up in her chair like a scared child, Rosa just checking her fingernails, waiting for it all to blow over, and Holt just popping on and off every 10 minutes for nearly an hour. This classic scene ultimately asserts his dominance as the true king of the Nine-Nine.