32 Funniest Lines By Kristen Wiig
When you think of Kristen Wiig’s funniest moments, either from her days as a Saturday Night Live cast member or from her best movies, it might not be what she says that makes you laugh, but how she says it or the expression she makes as she speaks. Regardless of what it is that makes the following Kristen Wiig quotes so memorable, we certainly found them hilarious.
"I Learn Something Every Day At Target. Yesterday, I Learned That Coca-Cola Is Dark Brown" - SNL (as Target Lady)
Arguably the single funniest SNL sketch starring Kristen Wiig sees her playing the aptly named Target Lady, who likes to converse with her customers while ringing them out even if they don’t ask to. One such example is when the grocery store checker revealed something relatively obvious about a popular brand of soda that she, somehow, did not realize until recently.
"Are You An Appliance?" - Bridesmaids
Perhaps the one scene from Bridesmaids — the 2011comedy that made co-writer Kristen Wiig into an Oscar-nominated SNL star — that sees the actor at her most brilliant is when an overly relaxed Annie causes a ruckus on a flight in first class. After a flight attendant named Steve (Mitch Silpa) tries to get her back to coach, she intentionally calls him “Stove” instead, leading to this cleverly taunting question.
"I Got Shot In Nicaragua!" - MacGruber
In one of the best movies based on an SNL character, 2010’s MacGruber, Will Forte’s bumbling titular operative tries to calm Vicki’s (Kristen Wiig) nerves by comparing their mission to a job they did in Nicaragua. When she reminds him how things ended up for her then, he immediately recants the statement.
"Someone Threw A Box Of Dictionaries Out Of A Four-Story Window, Crushing Everything Below My Waist... So, I Think I Know A Little Something About People Throwing Words Around" - SNL
In an underrated SNL sketch from Season 32, Kristen Wiig and host Alec Baldwin play colleagues who end up offending each other with literally every single thing they say while carpooling to work. For instance, when Baldwin’s character tells Wiig to be more careful about the "words you throw around,” it reminds her of an oddly specific incident that has left her metal from the waist down.
"It's Just, It's The First Time I've Ever Seen You Look Ugly And That Makes Me Kind Of Happy" - Bridesmaids
In Bridesmaids, while searching for Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Annie (Wiig) cannot help but smile when she sees an upset Helen’s (Rose Byrne) “ugly crier” face and lets her rival know exactly how this sight makes her feel. However, the socialite refuses to accept that her face could possibly bear an unfavorable expression.
"James Bond May Go By 007, But I Give This Film a Double ‘Oh, Brother!’” - SNL
Kristen Wiig appeared on “Weekend Update” a few times as Amy Poehler’s Aunt Linda, a film critic who is impossibly hard to please. At least she has a clever and even punny ways of rating movies, with her review of 2006’s Casino Royale being one of the best examples.
"Ohhhh Myyy Goddddddd!" - SNL
One of the best examples of how Kristen Wiig can turn just about any phrase into comedy cold comes from one of her most memorable recurring characters, Sue. When someone announces a secret that they want to keep for a surprise and you hear her say this in her signature, rousing tone, you know that she is about to get out of control with excitement.
"He Looked Like Jesus... He Was Wearing Sandals" - SNL
Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis appeared in several sketches as a gum-chewing, air-headed couple who are impossible to talk to, which makes them the worst crime witnesses imaginable as a detective (played by host Kevin Spacey) discovers. When Wiig’s character mentions that the car thief “looked like Jesus,” the detective assumes she means he has a brown beard, only for her to clarify she was referring to his footwear.
"Oh, How Romantic! What Woman Gives Another Woman A Trip To Paris?" - Bridesmaids
Annie’s rivalry with Helen reaches its peak at Lillian’s bridal shower in Bridesmaids, when the upstaging socialite reveals she is taking the bride to France as her pre-wedding gift. To tries to back up her reaction by pointing out that such a getaway is typically something that couples do together.
"... Just Kidding..." - SNL
Arguably, Wiig’s funniest recurring “Weekend Update” guest is Judy Grimes — a travel expert whose extreme nerves cause her to compulsively make things up, ending just about every sentence with an assurance that she is “just kidding.” It’s truly a wonder to watch her spout out these falsehoods (or are they?) in such an intense rapid-fire momentum.
"I Do Believe In You. I Just Know You're Gonna Fail" - Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
One of the many music biopic cliches explored in 2007’s Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story is that the subjective artist’s first marriage tends to fall apart due to a lack of support from their spouse (and vice versa). John C. Reilly’s titular soon-to-be rock star experiences this when his first wife, Edith (Wiig), reveals that, while she does want to be supportive of his music career, she can’t feign her faith in his talent.
"And I Burnt My Arm In The Oven. It Hurts Pretty Bad, But I Didn't Even Scream, 'Cause I Keep The Pain Inside Of Me" - SNL
Kristen Wiig hosted SNL’s Season 46 holiday episode, which features a “Christmas Morning” rap music video starring her as a mother whose only gift was a robe. The song takes her family’s ignorance a step further with a lyric that reveals her reluctance to announce a kitchen injury while the rest are preoccupied with their truckload of presents.
“I Apologize For Screaming At The Top Of My Lungs” - Barb And Star Go To Vista Del Mar
Quite a few of Kristen Wiig’s funniest movie moments happen to take place on airplanes, such as in Barb and Star Go To Vista Del Mar, starring Wiig as Star and her co-writer, Annie Mumolo, as Barb. We only see the middle of the duo’s flight to their titular vacation destination, but the takeoff must have been pretty intense if Star felt the need to apologize to a passenger for her behavior.
"I've Already Been Working On My Accent. Wallaby. Didgeridoo. Hugh Jackman" - Despicable Me 2
Illumination’s Despicable Me 2 sees former supervillain Gru (voiced by Steve Carell) partnered with Anti-Villain League agent, Lucy (Wiig), whom he starts to fall for, only to learn she is being relocated to Australia. She demonstrates how she has been preparing to move down under by practicing some local phrases, including the name of a certain Academy Award nominee and X-Men movies star.
"Have Fun Having A Baby At Your Prom" - Bridesmaids
Annie (Wiig) loses her jewelry store gig after a teen’s (Mia Rose Frampton) request for a “Best Friends Forever” necklace leads to a heated verbal sparring match. The single most biting (but not so-R-rated) insult in this classic Bridesmaids scene implies that one of the customer’s “four boyfriends” is going to be the father of her child.
"At This Time Of Dayee? It's Gonna Be Jahmed" - SNL
In the first edition of the recurring SNL sketch, “The Californians,” Stuart (Fred Armisen) catches Devin (Bill Hader) kissing his wife, Karina (Wiig), and tells him to "Get back on San Vicente, take it to the 10 then switch over to the 405 North and let it dump you out onto Mulholland where you belong!" What makes Karina’s response such a gut-buster is not just her over-the-top West Coast accent, but Wiig’s struggle not to break character.
"I'm Hoping For Some Mauling. Like, On My Shoulder Or Lower Back" - How To Train Your Dragon
In How to Train Your Dragon, the younger members of the Viking village called Berk prepare for dragon fighting class by discussing the anticipation for the pain they are likely to experience in this next brawling session. Wiig’s character, Ruffnut, easily has one of the funniest expressions of this in the DreamWorks animation favorite.
"Can't Say The Pledge Of Allegiance Or I'll Burn My Hand, So I Guess My Heart's A Little Warmer Than Yours" - SNL
One of Kristen Wiig’s most ridiculous recurring SNL characters is Penelope, who tends to make a competition out of literally everything, such as when she volunteered at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. When one person (played by Kenan Thompson) mentions how seeing how many people are volunteering “really warms [his] heart,” she can’t help but embellish just how much warmer her heart is.
"Haven't You Ever Wondered If The Real Ocean Sounds Like Our Noise Machine?" - Barb And Star Go To Vista Del Mar
There are so many hilarious Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar moments and quotes to choose from. One of the funniest to come from Wiig’s character, Star, comes when she compares the sound you hear from inside a seashell to the sound of her noise machine from home.
"Instead Of Using Paper Money, I Think We Should Pay For Things With Clouds" - SNL
Kristen Wiig has portrayed various celebrities on SNL, but one of her funniest impersonations is that of eccentric Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter, Bj?rk. When Seth Meyers brings the Iceland native onto “Weekend Update” to discuss her ideas to save her country from financial ruin, he quickly realizes that she is not qualified to tackle this issue.
"It's A Good Tub. I Slept In There On My 30th Birthday, Remember?” - Bridesmaids
Annie finds the missing Lillian at her apartment, where she reminisces about all the things that she is going to miss about living there after she gets married and moves out. Among them is her bathtub, which Annie mentions also has a special place in her heart for serving as a bed the night she entered her 30s.
"Hey, That Pollo Is Loco" - Despicable Me 2
In Despicable Me 2, Gru and Lucy break into a restaurant that they discover is guarded by one erratic chicken. After incapacitating the fowl foe, she makes a pun regarding its behavior that calls to mind a famous food joint called El Pollo Loco.
"Okay, Were Britney Spears And Christina Aguilera The Same Person?" - Girl Most Likely
Out of context, this quote from Girl Most Likely — a 2013 dramedy starring Wiig as a failed playwright forced to live with her mother (Annette Bening) after suffering a meltdown — sounds like someone exposing how out of touch they are with pop music history. In reality, it comes from a scene when her character, Imogene, goes to a ‘90s pop music tribute show where the same woman performed as both Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.
"He Looked Like A Rabbit" - SNL
Only some of Kristen Wiig’s recurring SNL characters have catchphrases, such as her half of the ignorant and infantile couple she portrayed alongside Jason Sudeikis in several episodes. Nearly each of their segments ended with Wiig’s character declaring that the person they just drove mad resembled a hare.
"God, You're Noteworthy!" - The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty
In star and director Ben Stiller’s The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Kristen Wiig’s character, Cheryl Melhoff, makes frequent appearances in the title hero’s many fantasies. In one, after Walter rescues Cheryl’s dog from a catastrophe, she expresses her gratitude by calling him “noteworthy,” reflecting his fear that he has never done anything noteworthy in his life.
"If Your Man Likes Chicken, He Might Like Chicken Man" - SNL
In a fun SNL game show sketch, Kristen Wiig and her fellow Bridesmaids cast member Maya Rudolph play models presenting a showcase of prizes a contestant could have won, including a lifetime supply of chicken from a company called Chicken Man. The way Wiig delivers this line — in an unusual accent and whilst struggling to contain her laughter — is one of the more potent examples of her ability to make even the simplest lines such classics.
"No One Can Get Anywhere In Three Seconds. You're Setting Me Up For A Loss Already" - Bridesmaids
In Bridesmaids, during the wedding party’s flight to Las Vegas, Flight Attendant Steve is at wit's end with an overly relaxed Annie, who refuses to leave an open First Class seat. When he gives her a measly three seconds to get back to coach, her acknowledgment of just how unfairly brief that is makes for a good point.
"I Almost Hit A Horse Once With My Smart Car. I Ended Up Driving Right Under It! It Left A Brown Racing Stripe On The Hood And I Loved It!" - SNL
Sometimes, when trying to make conversation with her customers, Target Lady shares a personal story that just ends up alienating them more. For instance, when she references the time a new paint job for her small car more than likely cost the life of an animal.
"Last Night A Bird Chased Me Home, And I Wished It Was You" - Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
In Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues, Brick Tamland (Steve Carell) finds the love he has been waiting for with a woman he shares a lot in common with named Chani Lastnamé (Wiig). She has an appropriately bizarre way of expressing her feelings for the absent-minded weatherman.
"I Mean, What Are We Gonna Say, 'Dear America, Remember That Astronaut We Killed And Had A Really Nice Funeral For? Turns Out He's Alive And We Left Him On Mars. Our Bad. Sincerely, NASA'" - The Martian
As NASA’s director of public relations, Annie Montrose (Wiig) has a real challenge on her hands when it is discovered that Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is alive and trapped on the Red Planet in The Martian. Wiig’s character is not quite the comic relief of Ridley Scott’s 2015 space movie favorite, but the comedian still gets one of the funniest quotes of the movie, and fittingly so.
"Do You Consider Yourself A Moderate Republican, A Conservative Republican, A Tea-Partier, A Crazy Whack-A-Doodle, Or A Democrat Voting Sarcastically?" - SNL
In an SNL sketch set during the months leading up to the 2012 Presidential election, Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe plays a voter stopped by a surveyor (Kristen Wiig) whose questions go quite off-topic. Before then, however, she asks him to identify his political affiliation in five increasingly ridiculous ways.
"And Also, I Did Purchase A Spanish Dictionary. I Didn't Like What You Said" - Despicable Me
Kristen Wiig plays a couple of different characters in the Despicable Me movies — the first being abusive orphanage owner Miss Hattie, to whom Gru says, “You have a face” in Spanish when he first meets her. She later reveals that she was able to translate it with a Spanish dictionary that she hits him with in retaliation.
These are just some examples of the hilarious things Kristen Wiig has said over the years. In reality, we might laugh at anything she says.
