32 Hilarious John Mulaney Jokes From SNL And His Stand-Up Specials
John Mulaney is the star of some of the best stand-up specials on Netflix and is also known for creating some beloved SNL sketches and characters, such as Stefon alongside Bill Hader. The comedian has provided the world with years of gut-busting laughs with his innumerable amount of silly, sometimes dark, and even thought-provoking bits. The following is a decent handful of our favorite John Mulaney jokes from his specials, his SNL appearances, and more.
His Analysis Of Back To The Future
In John Mulaney’s first Netflix special, 2015’s The Comeback Kid, he — essentially — proceeds to ruin, arguably, the greatest time travel movie of all time, 1985’s Back to the Future. One thing he finds particularly strange about the classic ‘80s flick is how Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) is best friends with “disgraced nuclear physicist” Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) without much explanation.
The Time He Played What's New, Pussycat? On Repeat At A Diner
In John Mulaney’s episode of Comedy Central Presents — available with a Paramount+ subscription — he recalls when he, at 11 years old, and his friend played Tom Jones’ “What’s New Pussycat?” on a diner jukebox over and over again. The prank’s peak moment came when the friend recommended a round of “It’s Not Unusual,” which eased the fellow patrons' sanity before circling back into another seven plays of the preceding track.
On Feeling Like A "Gross Adult"
The topic of aging is frequently addressed in John Mulaney’s most acclaimed special available with a Netflix subscription, the Emmy-winning Kid Gorgeous at Radio City, which the comic filmed when he was 35 years old. He describes how facets of being this age include always being damp, talking through burps, and one specific time his then-wife, Annamarie Tendler, subconsciously sang about a “monkey man” while rubbing his back.
On Animals Unaware They Are In Movies
When John Mulaney wrote for SNL, he would sometimes show up on “Weekend Update” for a segment called, “I Love It,” where he highlights things that excite him, such as 2010’s racehorse biopic, Secretariat. The reason being: he loves watching movies starring animals who do not realize they are on a film set and, in the bit, imagines the sort of things that must have been going through the horse actor’s head.
The Time Mick Jagger Told Him He Wasn't Funny
Mick Jagger is a non-actor who nailed his SNL hosting gig, but was not the friendliest backstage at Studio 8H, according to John Mulaney. As he recalls in Kid Gorgeous at Radio City, the Rolling Stones frontman did not hold back when telling him a joke he pitched was “NOT FUNNY!” He also witnessed Jagger writing a song one word at a time, which has Mulaney questioning if that’s how “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” came to be.
On How Kids Always Want To Do Something, But Adults Love Doing Nothing
In his first full-length special, 2012’s New in Town — one of the best stand-up specials on Paramount+ — John Mulaney discusses the big differences between his childhood and adult life. For instance, children hate it when they have nothing to do, but a grown-up “lights up” when they realize they spent their weekend doing “nothing at all.”
He Pitches A Rom-Com About Jerry Orbach's Eye Donor Recipients
John Mulaney performed one of his funniest bits related to his love for Law & Order — involving late, long-running Law & Order cast member, Jerry Orbach — at Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival in 2008. Orbach’s posthumous eye donation to two anonymous New Yorkers inspired Mulaney to conceive a rom-com called Love at First Sight, in which the recipients find romance with each other.
On How Websites Snuff Out Bots
Kid Gorgeous is one of Mulaney’s more broadly satirical specials, as evidenced by a bit poking fun at modern cybersecurity. He finds it strange that, in order to prove you are not a robot, you are asked — by a robot, mind you — to decipher between a “3” or an “E” in a group of “curvy letters” or selecting images with stop signs.
When His Nurse Thought Al Pacino Was Calling His Phone
In his 2022 Netflix special, Baby J, John Mulaney mentions how his friend and fellow Bupkis cast member, Pete Davidson, changes his number often, which eventually inspired the comedian to save the latest numbers as other famous people, like Al Pacino, for fun. This serves as an exposition for a story in which he was woken up by a nurse under the impression that the Academy Award winner tried to call Mulaney five times.
The Phantom Of LaGuardia Was One Of The Geese Sully Hit
We could talk forever about all the reasons John Mulaney’s musical SNL sketches are so iconic, but figured we would stick with some of the smaller jokes within those grand productions for this list. For instance, in Season 45’s “Airport Sushi,” Mulaney’s character explains the Phantom of LaGuardia (Kenan Thompson) is the spirit of a goose killed in the “Miracle on the Hudson” incident involving Captain Chelsea “Sully” Sullenberger.
On What Adults Really Mean By "What Do You Think You're Doing?"
In The Comeback Kid, John Mulaney points out how – especially when you are a child – the phrase, “What do you think you’re doing?” actually means, “Stop what you are doing.” However, he can not help but wonder what might happen if an adult was genuinely curious about the origins of a child’s troublesome behavior.
Comparing Old And New Police Sirens
The second time John Mulaney returned to host SNL in 2019, he dished on a very important topic in his monologue: the sound of a police siren. To him, new police sirens are a fun, funky beat that almost sounds like a conversation, while sirens of the past call to mind the image of a dying cat.
On New Songs Being About "Tonight Is The Night"
In Kid Gorgeous, John Mulaney points out that, as he gets older, the less he enjoys modern pop songs, feeling they have the same message about “only having tonight.” To him, it would only be fair to release songs for people in their 30s about how “tonight is no good, how about Wednesday?”
On The Ease Of Getting Away With Murder In The Past
In New in Town, John Mulaney mentions how he loves watching Cold Case Files — one of the best true crime TV shows on Hulu — which taught him that getting away with murder was much simpler before the discovery of DNA. He imagines this is why drawing chalk around the victim would have been considered more useful than swabbing blood samples in 1935.
The Time He Was A Girl's Make-A-Wish Choice
John Mulaney ended his third SNL monologue with a story about a young woman who chose to spend the day with him for her Make-A-Wish request. He decided to take her on a tour of Studio 8H, where he introduced her to that week’s host, Lin-Manuel Miranda. She later revealed that the Tony-winning Hamilton creator was her first choice for Make-A-Wish.
When His Old College Contacted Him About Giving A Donation
Anyone who has ever been asked to donate to their university long after paying tuition probably reacted the same way John Mulaney did. In Kid Gorgeous, he compares his alma mater to an unreliable relative with a bad habit of asking for more of his money after already giving them thousands.
On Girl Scout Cookies
In an appearance on “Weekend Update” during SNL’s 35th season, John Mulaney asks why Girl Scout Cookies, especially the ever-popular Thin Mints, have to be a once-a-year tradition and cannot be bought and sold in a store. The comedian spoke for all of America during this segment.
When His Then Wife Assumed The Last Supper Was Thanksgiving
John Mulaney used to comment on how he and his former wife’s differing religious upbringings — he was raised Catholic and she is Jewish — affected their marriage and one of the funniest examples comes from Kid Gorgeous. She recommended taking a photo in the style of the biblical Last Supper with their French bulldog, Petunia, in the place of Jesus “in front of the turkey.” This led Mulaney to discover she thought the famous Da Vinci painting was depicting a Nazarene Thanksgiving.
When He And Two Friends Also Named John Were Questioned By A Cop
In Baby J, John Mulaney shares a funny story from his teens when he and two friends, John O’Brien and John McNulty, got in trouble with a cop, who proceeded to pat them down and ask for each of their names. The officer was already very frustrated by the fact that he had two boys calling themselves “John” before he got to Mulaney, who introduced himself by a nickname the special is named after.
Bodega Owner Asks If Patron Wants A Warm Or Frozen Solid Water Bottle
In a Season 44 edition of John Mulaney’s musical SNL sketches called “Bodega Bathroom,” Chris Redd’s customer asks the bodega owner (played by Mulaney) for a bottle of water. He then gives the patron two options — “super hot or solid block of ice” — which leads him to retract the request.
He Describes The Worst Air Travel Experience Imaginable
To explain his subservient attitude toward most situations, John Mulaney envisions a nightmarish airport scenario in New in Town. This “made-up” airline has hour-long flight delays, lets planes take off while customers are in the bathroom, frames travelers for murder, and more terrible things just for the heck of it.
On His Then-Wife's Crush On Timothée Chalamet
In 2018, John Mulaney performed at Hilarity for Charity, an event to raise Alzheimer’s awareness hosted by his fellow Chip ’N Dale Rescue Rangers cast member, Seth Rogen, that was filmed as a Netflix special. The comedian’s set mentions how he had a beef with Academy Award nominee Timothée Chalamet, because Mulaney's wife at the time was “in love with” the Call Me by Your Name star.
Recalling His School's Stranger Danger Training Assembly
In Kid Gorgeous, Mulaney recalls his somewhat traumatic experience learning about stranger danger from Child Homicide expert, Det. J.J. Bittenbinder’s, “Street Smarts” program. Tips included carrying a money clip that could easily be chucked, falling on your back and kicking upwards to fight the perpetrator, and other methods only effective after or in the event of a kidnapping, but useless for preventing one.
The Time Woody Allen Spotted His Then-Wife Walking Her Dog In A Stroller
In John Mulaney’s second SNL monologue, he mentions how he and his former spouse carried their French Bulldog, Petunia, around New York in a stroller, which once led to an interesting celebrity encounter. A car pulled up in front of where Annamarie Tendler and Petunia happened to be strolling and out came Woody Allen with his wife, Soon-Yi Previn. This initiated an intense stare-down between the four of them regarding which pairing was more bewildering.
The Time He Found A Knocked Over Wheelchair By His Apartment Building
New in Town is a special not without its dark humor, but the darkest bit might be John Mulaney’s recollection of finding an empty wheelchair lying on its side right outside his apartment building. He figured that one of two things could have happened: something miraculous or something very bad, with the latter being far more likely.
Subway Newsstand Attendant Imagines Mole People Have It Easy
In “Subway Churro” — the musical SNL sketch from the episode that made John Mulaney a Five-Timers Club member — Chris Redd and Andrew Dismukes’ characters learn Mole People exist and Mulaney’s character envies their lives. To the tune of Fiddler on the Roof’s “Rich Man,” the newsstand vendor sings about living off the grid, being free of work responsibilities, and drinking from a shoe.
On How Charlie Bucket's Other Grandpa Got The Shaft
One of the most heartwarming aspects of one of the best movies of the 1970s, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, is Charlie Bucket’s (Peter Ostrum) relationship with Grandpa Joe (Jack Albertson). However, as John Mulaney points out during his set in Hilarity for Charity, Charlie has another grandfather who lives in the same house and sleeps in the same bed, but gets completely overlooked.
His Commentary On Law & Order: SVU
In New in Town, John Mulaney cites one of his favorite TV shows, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, as a program that gets quite a lot past the censors with some truly jaw-dropping dialogue, especially from Ice-T. He is especially fascinated by the rapper-turned-actor’s performance as a veteran detective who, for some reason, treats every case like it’s his first.
On The Constitution's Strange Order Of Amendments
John Mulaney does not get too political very often, but, during his third SNL monologue, he says he couldn’t help but notice that the amendments in the United States Constitution are grouped in a “weird” order. The First Amendment, detailing individual freedoms, makes sense, but following it with the right to bear arms and preventing civilians from housing the military seems a little premature.
How Getting Cheated On Gave Him A New Perspective on Murder
At one point during The Comeback Kid, John Mulaney reveals how he could never understand why someone would be compelled to take a life until an old girlfriend two-timed him. It’s not that he was driven mad enough to kill, but believes anyone who has seen him without clothes on and has met his parents “shouldn’t be around anymore," but swears he would not do it.
Why He Doesn't Think His Nana Should Vote
John Mulaney’s fourth SNL gig was on Halloween 2020, three days before the presidential election. During his monologue, the comedian mentions that his 94-year-old nana wanted to vote that year, but disagrees with letting her be a part of the decision. To him, that would be like ordering food as “you’re about to leave the restaurant.”
George St. Geegland Mentions O.J. Simpson Ruining The Ford Bronco
John Mulaney and fellow Big Mouth star Nick Kroll play their elderly alter egos, George St. Geegland and Gil Faizon, in their Netflix special, Oh, Hello on Broadway — a performance of their two-person show at New York’s Lyceum Theatre. At one point, Geegland reminisces about the biggest topics of the ‘90s — including O.J. Simpson’s low-speed chase, and how it might have had something to do with the Ford Bronco's discontinuation.
John Mulaney is the kind of comedian whose material we could watch over and over again.
