37 Best Wednesday Quotes to Channel Your Inner Braided Brat
MATTHIAS CLAMER/NETFLIX
Wednesday Season 2 may be in the works, but to have had an entire summer’s Season of the Brat come to a close without adding to our trove of best Wednesday quotes feels like a miss.
To be clear, there’s no way Wednesday Addams, utterer of the credo “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color,” would’ve been caught dead in Charli XCX-coded green. But there’s a good amount of Wednesday’s deadpan brattiness in the “360” singer’s look and persona — and that isn’t coincidental. All the way back in 2012, a 19-year-old Charli XCX was describing her image as “Wednesday-Addams-meets-Baby-Spice.”
In other words, throughout a season of channeling glowering girls with dark hair and bad attitudes, we’ve been celebrating Wednesday Addams in spirit. It’s time to make those celebrations explicit and pay homage to one of pop culture’s earliest brats with some of the best Wednesday Addams quotes.
Below, find some of Wednesday Addams’ best lines and cynical one-liners across eras, from the iconic character’s 1938 debut in New Yorker cartoons and her turn on the beloved 1960s TV series to Christina Ricci’s 1990s cinematic ode and Jenny Ortega’s recent Netflix reprisal.
In this article, find:
Best Wednesday Quotes That Are Perfect One-Liners
1. “I don’t bury hatchets. I sharpen them.”
2. “Use the words ‘little’ and ‘girl’ to address me again and I can’t guarantee your safety.”
3. “What kind of dystopian hellscape is this?”
4. “It’s not my fault I can’t interpret your emotional Morse code.”
5. “Anytime I grow nauseous at the sight of a rainbow or hear a pop song that makes my ears bleed, I’ll think of you.”
6. “It’s amateurs like you who give kidnapping a bad name.”
7. “I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.”
8. “I know I’m stubborn, single-minded, and obsessive. But those are all traits of great writers. Yes, and serial killers — what’s your point?”
9. “This story is about to take a dark turn. Usually I love dark turns, like when the carousel brakes mysteriously failed at my eighth birthday party.”
10. “I'll clean my room, in exchange for your immortal soul.”
11. “I prefer to be vilified.
12. “I’m not interested in participating in tribal adolescent clichés.”
13. “Sartre said, ‘Hell is other people.’ He was my first crush.”
14. “I must be losing my mind. It's not nearly as fun as I anticipated.”
15. “Dead people are notoriously bad at returning calls.”
16. “Emotions are a gateway trait. They lead to feelings, which trigger tears. I don't do tears.”
17. “I like being an island. A well-fortified one surrounded by sharks.”
18. “I’m not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded schools run by people whose dreams were crushed years ago… but I admire the sadism.”
19. “I’m not friend material, let alone more-than-friend material. I will ignore you, stomp on your heart, and always put my needs and interests first.”
20. “For the record, I don’t believe I’m better than everyone else. Just that I’m better than you.”
21. “I act as if I don’t care if people dislike me. Deep down… I secretly enjoy it.”
22. “I could eat Girl Scouts for breakfast. Actually I have an uncle who went to prison for that.”
23. “I don’t believe in heaven or hell. But I do believe in revenge. I usually serve it warm with a side of pain.”
24. (After watching Legally Blonde): “That was torture. Thank you.”
25. “I enjoy funerals. I've been crashing them since I was old enough to read the obituary section.”
Wednesday Addams Quotes That Killed the Convo
1. On the principles of husband-killing:
Wednesday: “She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.”
Joel: “What do you mean?”
Wednesday: “If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.”
2. On cookie preferences:
Girl Scout: “Is this made from real lemons?”
Wednesday: “Yes.”
Girl Scout: “I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?”
Pugsley: “Yes.”
Girl Scout: “Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?”
Wednesday: “Are they made from real Girl Scouts?”
3. On costumes:
Margaret: “[Questioning the absence of a Halloween costume] What are you, darling? Where's your costume?”
Wednesday: “This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.”
4. On the Bermuda Triangle:
Wednesday: “Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.”
Dr. Pinderschloss: “Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill.”
Grandmama: “Even with a chainsaw.”
5. On “that special age”:
Morticia: “Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.”
Ellen: “Boys?”Wednesday: “Homicide.”
6. On storks:
Young Girl: “And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!”
Pugsley: “Our parents are having a baby, too.”
Wednesday: “They had sex.”
7. On marriage:
Joel: “Wednesday, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?”
Wednesday: “No.”
Joel: “But what if you met the right man, who worshiped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?”
Wednesday: “I'd pity him.”
8. On Thanksgiving [as a Native American, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play]
Wednesday: “Wait!”Amanda: “What?”Wednesday: “We cannot break bread with you.”
Amanda: “Huh? Becky, what's going on?”Becky: “[whispered] Wednesday!”
Wednesday: “You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides. You will play golf and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, ‘Do not trust the Pilgrims. Especially Sarah Miller.’”
Amanda: “Gary, she's changing the words.”
Wednesday: “And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.”
9. On being dressed for the occasion:
Amanda: “Hi, I'm Amanda Buckman. Why are you dressed like that?”
Wednesday: “Like what?”
Amanda: “Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?”
Wednesday: “Wait.”
10. On pageants:
Wednesday: “I don't want to be in the pageant.”
Gary: “Don't you want to help me realize my vision?”
Wednesday: “Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.”
11. On mothers:
Marilyn Thornhill: “Are you and your mother close?”
Wednesday Addams: “Like two inmates sentenced to life in the same cell block.”
12. On swimming:
Gary: [to the Campers] “Lifesaving! Now I know we're all top-notch little swimmers, but now we get to show our stuff and earn those certificates! Hey, how about our first little pair of lifesaving buddies? Amanda, Wednesday?”
Amanda: “Is that your bathing suit?”
Wednesday: “Is that your overbite?”
Gary: “Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.”
Amanda: “I'll be the victim!”
Wednesday: “All your life.”
Originally Appeared on Teen Vogue
