Bethany Joy Lenz of 'One Tree Hill' on how she got into a cult: 'Bible study went sideways'

Bethany Joy Lenz didn't mean to be part of a cult. Perhaps no one really does.

But the erstwhile "One Tree Hill" star says she fell prey to the "Big House Family," the religious cult at the center of her memoir "Dinner for Vampires," out Tuesday (Simon & Schuster, 303 pp). She was a member for 10 years that overlapped with her time on the hit teen soap. It's the type of thing that elicits gasps: "What do you mean Haley from 'One Tree Hill' was in a cult?!" "Like NXIVM?" "What happened?"

As she puts it in the book: "Bible study went sideways."

Lenz, 43, spoke out about the group on "One Tree Hill" rewatch podcast "Drama Queens" last year. It naturally perked up ears – including a publisher. She poured her heart out at breakneck speed.

"It wasn't too painful, mostly because I just didn't have time to process a lot of emotion around it," she says over Zoom from Nashville. "What got hard was after I had turned in the first main draft, and then we started whittling things out and really honing it and shaping it. That's when it started to feel emotional. I had some days where I was like, 'I've got to stop. I can't live in this world anymore again. I need to go out for a drink or go to the mall or just do something normal.'"

Her cool, calm voice sings through the screen. She's still dealing with "trust issues," which add a layer of complication to relationships with her daughter, boyfriend and parents. "It's a lot to untangle, but I'm grateful for it," she says.

'That's when things really turned'

Lenz grew up as an only child in a charismatic Protestant environment. With plenty of tumult in her household – from her divorced parents to a burgeoning Hollywood career on soap opera "Guiding Light" – she sought community and a feeling of belonging with other Christians.

"It was very benign when it started," she says. "Just a group of artists who loved God and wanted to read the Bible together. I was like, 'Oh, thank God. Like, I've been thirsty for this.'" Then, a pastor from another state joined, slowly infiltrating the group until he took over as its leader.

"That's when things really turned," she says of the man she does not name in the book. "But it happened so slowly that I just didn't notice it at first."

Through a series of actions she says built her up and then tore her down, the group isolated her from loved ones, including her parents. The leader thwarted her dreams of playing Belle in "Beauty and the Beast" on Broadway, and the group's financial managers spent $2 million of her money on risky investments leaving her effectively broke. Incessant whispers broke out on the "One Tree Hill" set and splattered across the entertainment industry. She married the son of the leader – even though she knew he wasn't the right man for her, she says – and gave birth to a daughter.

Over a decade, Lenz slowly broke free of being managed and controlled. Having a physical reprieve (she was able to leave the group during filming) and emotional support from peers and loved ones helped her find herself again. The desire to protect her daughter from a similar fate was her catalyst to leave.

'In some bizarre way, there were a lot of good things'

How does she reconcile what happened to her? Looking back, she said missing out on Broadway may not have been such a bad thing because "I didn't have the character development to handle a career like that. And I might have garnered such a bad reputation from just not knowing how to be professional, not knowing how to be unselfish. There were just so many things that I didn't know and hadn't been directed toward that those 10 years on 'One Tree Hill' really, really taught me, and 10 years being in a cult. For all the horrible, horrible things that happened, I did learn how to be a friend. I learned how to be in a community."

Wait, she sees a silver lining?

"In some bizarre way, there were a lot of good things that came out of it, the pendulum just swung all the way to the other end and then kind of found its way back to the middle."

In case you missed: 'One Tree Hill' reboot in development at Netflix with Sophia Bush, Hilarie Burton set to return

'Maybe it'll help somebody'

Lenz built up her bank balance and independence through work. She took whatever acting roles she could get to pay the bills, lawyers, rent and the IRS.

"I was like a broke single mom in LA after 10 years on a TV series," she says. "It was hard on my ego, but it was hard also because I was so creative. I wanted to be able to create things and use that money and be able to then fund my own projects, or take the time off to be able to write my own projects and not have to work and just focus on this custody arrangement."

One role was a guest on "Grey's Anatomy" playing a domestic violence victim. The showrunner at the time, Krista Vernoff, knew what Lenz had been through.

"Even though she knew that my ex never physically abused me, she knew that I had experienced relational abuse and that I would be able to relate to this character that was coming up for an arc on 'Grey's Anatomy.' She called and said, 'Hey, is this too close to home? Or do you want to give it a try?' And I said, 'Yes, please. Oh, this will probably feel great to be able to just get some of this out of my system in some way, or at the very least, I know I'll be able to tell the story authentically, and maybe it'll help somebody.'"

Sigh: Bethany Joy Lenz says 'One Tree Hill' costars tried to save her from 'secret life' in cult

Bethany Joy Lenz on learning to love her younger self

With a "One Tree Hill" reboot in the works with Sophia Bush and Hilarie Burton, would Lenz consider reprising her character, too?

A non-answer must suffice for now: "'Tree Hill' will always be my home, and I always love going back there. So I'm open. There are just so many other logistical pieces that have to fall into place."

The "Drama Queens" podcast and writing down her story has healed her in special, surreal ways.

"It's been an amazing way to go back and watch a time in my life that I used to look at with so much shame, and be able to look at my young self and learn to love her," she says.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Bethany Joy Lenz of 'One Tree Hill' recounts cult story in memoir