Bethany Joy Lenz Says She Never Felt 'Butterflies' in Marriage to Christian 'Cult' Leader's Son: A 'Brotherly Person to Me'
"I am capable of butterflies and feeling excited and feeling loved and engaged by another person, and it’s not happening in my marriage," Lenz recalled feeling
Bethany Joy Lenz is sharing how she really felt during her marriage.
While appearing on Good Morning America on Tuesday, Oct. 22, Lenz opened up about being part of what she describes as a “high-control group” and others have labeled the “Big House Family cult” and how it led her on a path she didn't expect to go down. Noting that it wasn't a cult when she first joined, the One Tree Hill alum, 43, said things changed quickly when an Idaho pastor took over.
"It was just a home group bible study and then it morphed with the entrance of a pastor from another state," she claimed. "I think he just saw a lot of young professionals and got dollar signs in his eyes and went, ‘Oh I know what I can do here.’ And began a very long… it was a long-game con. It was a long-game manipulation. And after about a year, I was totally entrenched in it."
She then married the group leader's son, musician Michael Galeotti, but her marriage wasn't what she had hoped for. Lenz said she never felt the love she expected to feel for her husband, and despite giving herself time to develop those feelings, they never came.
"He was always just kind of a friend, brotherly person to me who really love and care about," she revealed. "But I know in my body there was this constant back and forth, and this awareness that I am capable of butterflies and feeling excited and feeling loved and engaged by another person and it’s not happening in my marriage and it never did."
After 10 years, Lenz decided it was time for her to get out of the group, and she said it wasn't just for herself, but also her daughter Rosie.
"I left because of my daughter," she said. "I left because it was time. I remember having this thought, I said, ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me and why I will allow myself to be treated this way, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to allow this to happen to her. We gotta get out.’"
Related: Actress Bethany Joy Lenz Explains How It's Easy to Fall for a Cult: 'It Felt Like Love' (Exclusive)
When she was out, the actress admitted she had distanced herself from her friends, so she had to rebuild those connections. Her podcast, Drama Queens, in which she and co-hosts Hilarie Burton and Sophia Bush rewatch and discuss old episodes of One Tree Hill, was one outlet that provided her that chance.
"We didn’t make those connective points when we were younger for various reasons, one of which being I was in a 'cult' so it was harder for me to make connections with people," Lenz said. "But yeah, I’m really grateful the opportunity came back around."
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Lenz recently opened up about other challenges she faced in regards to the sexual chemistry with her ex-husband. On an episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast, Lenz revealed that from the start, she and her ex "didn't have a lot in common."
"There wasn't a lot of intellectual stimulation," she told host Alex Cooper. "But I had kinda run out of options. Like, I couldn't date a non-Christian and I couldn't really date anybody outside of the group… So it just became this sort of arranged situation.”
Expecting to enjoy sex with her husband, Lenz said she was confused about how it actually made her feel.
"We have sex, and it's like, ‘Why do I feel so sad? I don't feel more connected to you. I feel farther away from you,'" she said. "And I don't think that necessarily had anything to do with saving myself for marriage, it was just that I married the wrong person.”
When she began pulling away from having sex with her then-husband, Lenz claimed they created a "sex schedule." She explained that "it was a routine that I had to participate in in order to keep the peace in my marriage,” rather than something she did for her own pleasure.
“Because I was so disinterested in sex, I was then asked to go on a schedule," she alleged. "Basically of like, ‘You just have to do it. Just do it. This is your duty. This is your job as a wife. Your emotions will fall in line. If you do it enough, then eventually, you will find a way to enjoy it.’"
“My stomach dropped every single time,” she added. “In fact, it really affected my relationships afterwards [with] other boyfriends when I had to go pick them up from the airport. I had so much PTSD from showing up at the airport to see him knowing that I was gonna have to start this sex schedule for the next, like, two weeks or three weeks or whatever.”
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