"This cannot be real life!": Stewart says both candidates need "magic drugs" after disastrous debate

Jon Stewart held nothing back as he tore into President Joe Biden and former President Donald Trump's performances at the first presidential debate of the 2024 election season during a live episode of "The Daily Show."

“We just watched what you watched," the comedian said in apparent shock. The show highlighted that both candidates had a low bar to meet as many pundits questioned whether Trump could "pretend to be normal for 90 minutes?” and if Biden could “stay alert, stay engaged and stay awake.”

Still, both candidates failed to clear that bar, Stewart said.

Stewart played a clip of Biden murmuring through an incoherent talking point about "beating" Medicare, quipping, “I need to call a real estate agent in New Zealand.”

“OK, a high-pressure situation.” Stewart said giving Biden the benefit of the doubt. “A lot of times you can confuse saving Medicare with … beating it. I’m sure it’s not something that repeated throughout the debate, causing Democrats across the country to either jump out of windows or vomit silently into the nearest recycling bin. Anybody can f**k up talking.”

But a montage of Biden with many blank facial expressions led Stewart to say, “But a lot of people have resting 25th Amendment face.”

Moreover, to Stewart, Trump “does not appear to have passed the a**hole test.” The show played many clips of Trump's shining moments, calling Biden's term "the worst presidency in the history of our country." Trump even denied sleeping with Stormy Daniels, "I did not sleep with a pornstar."

In response, Stewart said: “Just so we’re all clear, everything that Donald Trump said in that clip is a lie. Blatant and full. And we were tight on time, putting this whole s**t together – there’s plenty more. It really makes you wonder, what if RFK Jr. doing tonight?”

After analyzing both candidates' sleepy and factually inaccurate answers, Stewart said: "The one thing we did prove tonight is that the MAGA conspiracy theory about Biden's upcoming performance was nonsense."

The show played a clip of Trump prior to the debate at a rally telling his audience that "A little before debate time, he gets a shot in the a**." Other clips of Fox News pundits perpetuating that Biden was on drugs during the debate was also showed.

“Let me just say after watching tonight’s debate, both of these men should be using performance-enhancing drugs," Stewart said.

"As much of it as they can get. If performance-enhancing drugs will improve their lucidity, their ability to solve problems, and in one of the candidates’ cases, improve their truthfulness, morality and malignant narcissism, then suppository away," Stewart continued, "They should take whatever magical drugs can kick their brains into gear, because this ain’t Olympic swimming."

He concluded: "And by the way, if those drugs don’t exist, if there aren’t actually performance-enhancing drugs for these candidates, I could sure f***ing use some recreational ones right now. Because this cannot be real life. It just can’t.”

"The Daily Show" airs Monday through Thursday at 11 p.m. on Comedy Central and streams on Paramount+