‘Celebrity Apprentice’ Episode 4 Recap: Cut the Cord
Warning: This recap of the “Scissors and Some Creativity” episode of The New Celebrity Apprentice contains spoilers.
After last night’s episode of Celebrity Apprentice, I can no longer say this season lacks shock value. Armed with a pair of scissors and a bad attitude, Chael Sonnen cut through a power cable, almost blowing himself up on national television for the sake of winning a task. If anyone was going to cut the cord on Celebrity Apprentice, I thought it would be NBC, given the season’s underperforming ratings, but no, it was Chael Scissorhands, slicing up power cords like a disgruntled cable customer, all to buy some extra time.
Was it sabotage or evil genius? I don’t know what was going through Chael’s head, apart from 100 volts of electricity. What I do know is that it was the most dramatic and entertaining thing to happen on this season up until this point. It was sneaky and underhanded and ultimately stupid, but it’s the kind of histrionics this season has been desperately lacking.
The art of sabotage is not new to Celebrity Apprentice. In a previous season, the permanently pompous Piers Morgan sent actor Vinny Pastore over to the women’s team to act as a double agent. Of course, such nefarious activity was old hat to Vinny, who played “Big Pussy” in The Sopranos, as well as Piers, who played Piers Morgan in real life. But this is the first time a candidate has attempted to sabotage his or her own team to get ahead.
Not that Chael would describe it that way. With the deadline of the task rapidly approaching, Chael thought he could earn his team some added time by literally cutting the computer cord, giving them an extra 10 minutes due to a “technical difficulty.” It’s like the time I intentionally forced a paper jam in my printer to buy a couple of extra minutes on a term paper. You can’t claim technical difficulty when it’s self-inflicted, as Chael would later find out.
But let’s wiggle our booties back to the start of the night.
Bootylicious
Before Chael underwent shock therapy, the celebrities had to create a PR stunt in a retrofitted shipping container for Lorissa’s Kitchen.
Having been pushed aside last week, Brooke Burke-Charvet made sure to snatch the project manager role on Team Arete, putting forward a concept based on “food, fitness, and philosophy.” No, unfortunately, that didn’t mean Boy George read from the works of Plato and Aristotle while munching on premium pork cuts. What it did involve was something called the “booty burn,” which sounds more like a thing you’d hear in an advertisement for Preparation H, not protein snacks.
Turns out the “booty burn” is a buttocks-based exercise that Brooke is an expert in teaching, and that Matt Iseman is an expert in watching. If we learned anything this episode, and I sincerely hope Celebrity Apprentice is an educational experience for you, it’s that Matt loves butts and Harry Potter. Brooke’s motto of, “We’ll figure it out when we get there” wasn’t the most confidence-inspiring, but her safe and straightforward interactive workout routine engaged the crowd.
Lisa Leslie, heading up Team Prima, realized that Brooke would likely opt for a fitness theme, and so rather than adopting a different approach, Leslie decided her team would do the same but “better.” Porsha Williams taught “booty busting” (not to be confused with the “booty burn”). Chael led an MMA workout. Carson Kressley interacted with the audience members. And Vince Neal stood on the roof while female models in skimpy hotpants danced provocatively. That’s not even a joke: Vince’s sole suggestion for this task was “chicks in bikinis on the roof.” It’s unclear whether it was the Deja Vu Showgirls from last week’s episode.
The problem for Lisa’s team is that they overcomplicated the presentation, and it ended up appearing chaotic and messy. Also, Vince’s dancers were “off-brand.” Despite Chael placing all the blame on Lisa’s lack of leadership skills, Vince fell on his sword, taking the responsibility for the dancers and leaving Mr. Schwarzenegger no choice but to terminate him.
Magic in the air
In the second task of the night, teams had to create a digital brochure for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood. Hmm. Where have I seen this before? Oh, that’s right, on Celebrity Apprentice Season 3 when Rod Blagojevich and Co. almost choked theme park guests to death with a smoke machine.
Self-confessed Harry Potter nerd Matt was in his element, running around the park like a toddler who had just consumed an entire bag of Skittles. I imagine it’s the equivalent of giving Boy George a task where he gets to design an enormous hat. It was evident immediately that Matt’s team was winning, creating a brochure designed to look like the Daily Prophet was a genuinely inspired idea. If I had to pick a frontrunner right now, my money is on Matt: He has an infectious enthusiasm, some solid ideas, and he gives it his all in every task.
Carson’s team, on the other hand, knew as much about Harry Potter as Chael knows about sportsmanship. “I don’t know what a muggle is. I was once muggled at an ATM in New York City,” Carson quipped. They were doomed from the start, and when Chael decided to get snippy with the computer cord, it all but sealed their fate.
No cheaters allowed
Maybe in the Trump era of Celebrity Apprentice, Chael’s Slytherin-style behavior would have been overlooked or even commended. The producers always used to place entertainment value above actual task performance, with the most controversial and rabble-rousing candidates scraping by each week over people who were technically more business savvy.
But things are different in Arnold’s world. “Cheaters are not tolerated in my boardroom,” he snapped; I guess that kind of stuff is only allowed in the bedroom, eh Arnie? Chael stood by his move, calling it creative and smart before he was unceremoniously fired. Not “terminated,” just plain old fired. He didn’t even get a ride in the choppa.
Arnold wasn’t through, though. He was finally beginning to get comfortable in his swish leather chair. As Carson’s team lost the task, somebody still needed to be held responsible. The fault came down to the creative, the executives thinking it was predictable and uninspiring. Porsha took on a large portion of the blame for the creative, and her inability, or reluctance, to point the finger at somebody else got her sent packing from the boardroom.
While this new approach of keeping around the competent in favor of the trouble causers is respectable, the Apprentice ceased being a credible show the moment Mark Burnett stuck the word “Celebrity” in front of it. There’s very little point in trying to change its image now. It’s the detestable villains and ridiculous drama that make the show work. If you don’t have that, then we really might as well go ahead and cut the cord. Pass me the scissors, Chael.
The New Celebrity Apprentice airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on NBC. Watch clips and full episodes of Celebrity Apprentice on Yahoo View.
