A Complete List Of Every Bizarre Thing Dr. Oz Does In This 39-Second Clip Of Him Grocery Shopping
On April 6, former daytime television host/current Republican candidate for Senate Dr. Oz shared a 39-second video of him grocery shopping.
Now that election season is here, the video resurfaced — and people are pointing out how utterly bizarre it is.
So I'm taking it upon myself to catalogue every weird thing Dr. Oz does in this clip...for science.
Red Table Talk / Via media.giphy.com
I earned my political science degree specifically for moments like this.
1.Right off the bat, it's strange that he's recording a video of him grocery shopping for him to tweet later. And it's even weirder that he made someone else film it!!!
2.At 0:02, Oz says, "I'm at Wegner's," which is not a real store. Wegmans and Redner's are both grocery store chains but Wegner's? I don't know her.
Wegener's, however, is a rare blood disease.
3.At 0:05, Oz declares, "My wife wants some vegetables for crudités." He says it as if that explains why he's filming himself in Wegner's...but I still have so many questions.
Also, most people just call it a "veggie platter," but je digresse.
4.At 0:08, Oz bends down to pick up one head of broccoli with his bare hands and says, "Here's a broccoli." That's a weird thing to say and a weird way to say it!!!
5.A second later, he raises the very small head of broccoli (not nearly enough for crudités) to the camera and complains, "That's 2 bucks...not the ton of broccoli there."
If I want to be nitpicky (and I do), he could've chosen a much better looking head of broccoli.
6.He then says, "Here's some asparagus; that's $4." And now might be a good time to remind you that crudités is made up of dip and raw vegetables — so $4 asparagus is an exceedingly bizarre selection.
Have you ever eaten raw asparagus? Do not recommend!!!
7.At 0:15, Oz reaches for an enormous bag of full-size (not baby) carrots, mutters, "Yup, mm, carrots," tosses the gargantuan bag about an inch into the air, and adds it to the growing pile of produce in his arms.
8.He opines that his carrots cost "4 more dollars — that's $10 of vegetables there." At this juncture, he desperately needs a basket or cart, but forges on without.
9.He then reaches for guacamole and says, "And then we need some *big sigh* guacamole." And that sigh in the middle there? That's super weird!
What did the guacamole ever do to him, besides cost $4?
10.At 0:29, Oz proceeds to turn around the only container of salsa that wasn't already facing the camera, presumably so we can read the massive "FRESH SALSA" on the side — even thought the viewers can see every other salsa on the shelf.
Salsa! In crudités!!! What a world.
11.Oz exclaims, "Six dollars?!" as if the high prices still catch him off guard every time. But the salsa costs $4.99, so he seems to have read the bruschetta price by mistake.
12.Still stuck on the high price of salsa/bruschetta, Oz jokes, "There must be a shortage of salsa." And as someone who's taken four whole classes with the Second City, I can tell you with some certainty: That's a super weird joke.
13.Dr. Oz then turns to the camera and exclaims, "Guys, that's $20 for crudités...and this doesn't include the tequila!"
There's a lot to unpack in that one statement, so let's break it down into bite-sized chunks.
— He's cradling/manhandling his bizarre crudités roundup like it's an infant that needs to be returned to its parents ASAP.
— He says, "That's $20 for crudités," as if one (1) head of broccoli, a bunch of asparagus, 2 pounds of unwashed whole carrots, a small tub of admittedly very expensive (sigh) guacamole, and a tub of FRESH SALSA would meet literally anyone's definition of a complete veggie platter.
— Finally, "...and this doesn't include the tequila!" inspires more questions than answers, including but not limited to: How much does the tequila cost, and why is it probably $4? Is his wife consuming all the crudités/tequila alone? Is the tequila meant to erase the memory of this wild-ass crudités platter?
14.At 0:36, he brings it all home with the line "We got Joe Biden to thank for this," as if the President of the United States is responsible for the price of guacamole or Dr. Oz's inability to assemble an appetizing veggie platter.
He then holds that pose and silently stares into the camera for two incredibly long, awkward seconds.
15.Finally, let's not forget that pretty much every grocery store sells pre-assembled veggie platters with regular ingredients in normal proportions — even Wegner's.
In total, Dr. Oz did 15 super weird things in 39 seconds, for an average of one super weird thing every 2.6 seconds. That's gotta be some kind of weird thing record!!!
Warner Bros. Television / Via media.giphy.com