“Dear Remy”: Hollywood Career Coach Gives Advice About On-Set Bromance and Networking Nightmares
Isn’t it Bromantic?
Dear Remy,
Hollywood would be rocked off its axis to know this, but all is not well in my marriage.
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I’m in what I’ll reluctantly call a “power couple” (I hate that phrase; it makes us sound like we run an MLM selling protein powder). My wife and I are both world-famous actors and have been married for over a decade.
This year, I made a movie where I got to co-star with my best guy friend. It’s the stuff dreams are made of: Spending every day bro-ing out, side by side in makeup, practicing our stunts together, or even learning the latest TikTok dances. But unfortunately, my wife’s jealousy has made it difficult for me to enjoy these Elysian days with him. She says I talk about him all the time, that I have greater chemistry with him than I ever had with her, and that he clearly knows me in a way she never could.
While the press is joking about my “bromance” with my co-star, my wife seems seriously convinced there’s something more between us. And, of course, I’d be lucky if that were true. He speaks multiple languages, is the most ambitious person I know, and has neck muscles to die for. I could fall asleep listening to his singing voice — it’s like Manuka honey spun by Athena herself. And sure, he makes me feel like the best version of myself when I’m staring into his caramel-brown eyes — but who doesn’t have a friend like that?
Remy, how can I make my wife see that I’m committed to our marriage and that my relationship with my guy friend is just a friendship?… A wonderful, unique, and intoxicating whirlwind of a friendship.
Yours,
A Dedicated Husband
Dear Dedicated Husband,
Ah, the classic bromance conundrum — when your heart is torn between two loves: your spouse and your best bro. It’s like a Hollywood rom-com, except hopefully the script is a little more nuanced.
First, let’s acknowledge that your wife’s feelings are valid. It’s not easy being on the outside looking in on a relationship as close as yours with your co-star. But the good news is, she’s more concerned about being left out than about any real threat to your marriage.
Now, I have to ask — could there be a grain of truth in her concerns? You’ve described your best friend in glowing, almost poetic terms. It’s one thing to admire someone, but it’s worth considering whether there might be some unrecognized feelings there. If you are getting lost in his eyes, or transfixed by the sinews of his neck (I didn’t realize there were workouts that trained this muscle group — it’s impressive), it might be worth holding space for what this means. Attraction can be complicated, and it doesn’t have to mean the end of your marriage.
That said, let’s explore how you can reassure your wife and maintain both relationships. Could there be a way to bring your wife into the fold? Not in the sense of a literal ménage à trois, but by including her in some of the fun you and your friend are having. Shared experiences could help her feel more connected and less like she’s competing with your bestie.
Also, try flipping the script. Show her how much you value your marriage. Plan some special time just for the two of you — without your co-star. Reignite that spark with activities that remind you both why you’re each other’s chosen partner in life. Maybe a romantic getaway or a date night where you leave talk of Neck Day at the door.
At the end of the day, it’s about balance. Cherish your bromance, but make sure your wife knows she’s still number one on the call sheet.
Yours in harmonious casting,
Remy
My Battle with Schmooze
Dear Remy,
They say that networking is the bedrock of our industry, but I think I’d rather wear polka dot Crocs for the rest of my life than do another minute of it.
I’m a writer, so I know that my success depends on building connections with producers, directors and talent who might help me land that next commissioned project. But it all feels so fake.
I’ve watched friends pinball around Oscars after-parties, rictus grinning at one studio head or another. I sit in a corner nursing a Negroni Sbagliato, watching them thwack people on their Tom Ford-encased shoulders and guffaw at paper-thin jokes. I’ve tried to follow their example, but it’s excruciating. Networking literally upsets my stomach. Remy, I think I’m developing IBS.
Besides the awkwardness, I feel like networking is ethically dubious. How can I say I’m working with people who share my authentic goals when it all started with me pretending to like their cufflinks at the Soho House check-in desk? The best art is born of honesty, and yet here I am pretending to care about the Montessori method because the director I’m chatting with at an industry mixer just adopted 3-year-old twins and wants “a more mindful approach to pedagogy in parenting.”
The last time I approached someone at a networking event, they spent the first ten minutes thinking I was the waiter. When I left, I wasn’t sure if they wanted my script or the breadsticks.
Remy — help! What tips do you have for someone who is allergic to networking?
Yours,
The Man with the Empty Contacts Book
Dear Man with the Empty Contacts Book,
I feel your pain. Networking can feel like a game where everyone’s wearing a mask and holding their true intentions close to their chest. But let’s reframe “networking” as “relationship-building.” At its core, it’s about finding genuine human connections in a sea of plastic smiles.
Here’s the thing: Networking doesn’t have to be a slick, schmoozy affair. The best connections happen when you’re being your authentic self, not when you’re pretending to care about cufflinks or Montessori methods. People in this industry value sincerity more than you might think. So, forget the hard sell and focus on making real connections with people who share your passions. Talk about what genuinely excites you, even if it’s as niche as your favorite Negroni recipe. The people worth knowing will appreciate your authenticity, or at the very least, walk away with an exciting twist to share with their personal mixologist.
And if working a room still makes your stomach churn, start small. Identify a couple of people you admire or share something in common with and strike up a one-on-one conversation. You might be surprised at how much more comfortable—and productive—it feels. You can always keep a Bentyl on hand just in case.
Remember, some of the best deals are made over coffee or a game of pool rather than in a crowded room full of desperate handshakes. So, why not try inviting someone out for a relaxed chat instead of braving the next big event?
Quality over quantity, my friend. A few genuine connections can go a long way.
Yours in authentic connections,
Remy
Obit Too Much
Dear Remy,
I make a living out of death. Don’t lose your cool — I’m not a hitman or a grave-robber — I write the obituaries for awards ceremonies.
Here’s where it gets tricky: In 2024, there are just so many famous people that my workload is off the deep end. When I started out in the ’90s, the number of people across the world who were famous was in the thousands. In 2024, it must be in the hundreds of thousands.
It’s always been tricky to pick and choose who to cover each year for the “In Memoriam” sections when awards season rolls around. But the celebrity demises are piling up. How do I choose whose deaths we report on? Should I treat it like a game of Top Trumps, scoring people on categories like philanthropy, awards won or artistic impact? Remy, I never wanted to play God, I just wanted my words read out by Morgan Freeman occasionally.
People think all these celebrities are suddenly dying at a faster rate. But there’s no mysterious Hollywood curse — no Dantean devil deal — it’s just that we’re overpopulated with famous people, and we don’t have the posthumous resources to support this.
Remy, I think I’m suffering from a unique form of burnout. I can’t believe I’m asking this, but can you see a solution to the problem? There are just TOO MANY famous people!
Yours,
Overwhelmed by Obituaries
Dear Overwhelmed by Obituaries,
Let’s get practical first. If you’re feeling swamped, it might be time to adopt a selection criterion that’s more objective than subjective. Think of it as curating a time capsule for the ages. Start with those whose impact has transcended mere celebrity — those who’ve shaped culture, changed lives or pioneered something extraordinary. And yes, a bit of Top Trumps logic might help, as cold as that sounds. Legacy points count!
Consider collaborating with a diverse panel of experts — historians, cultural critics, even fans — to help you make these tough decisions. This way, the selection process isn’t just on your shoulders, and you can ensure a broader perspective on who truly deserves to be remembered. It’s like creating a “People’s Choice” award for the dearly departed.
But let’s talk about your burnout. Writing obituaries, especially for those who’ve impacted so many, can be an emotional grind. It’s not just about the words; it’s about honoring lives in a way that resonates. Maybe it’s time to step back and reflect on the stories that have moved you most in your career. Instead of focusing on volume, why not focus on depth? Highlighting the lives that have profoundly influenced you could rekindle your passion for this work.
Consider writing a series of in-depth pieces on the unsung heroes of Hollywood — those who might not have made the “In Memoriam” cut, but whose contributions were just as vital. Or perhaps you could explore the idea of a “behind-the-scenes” look at the “In Memoriam” process, shedding light on the emotional and logistical challenges you face in this unique role. It could be a way to honor those who’ve passed while also giving a nod to the unsung writers like you who help us remember them.
And don’t forget, it’s okay to take a breather. A short hiatus could give you the fresh perspective you need to tackle your workload with renewed energy. Even the Grim Reaper takes a break now and then.
Yours in eternal remembrance,
Remy
Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran TV producer and founder of Vitality Guru, which offers business and career coaching to high performers in media. Send queries to: [email protected].
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
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