Donald Trump’s Story About Arnold Palmer’s Huge Hog Was a Gift to Late-Night Television
Over the weekend, Donald Trump offered America’s late-night TV hosts two irresistible jumping off points for bits: A hokey McDonald’s photo op and a shaggy dog story about the size of Arnold Palmer’s schlong. Luckily, this was no red pill/blue pill situation, and jokes abounded for both, but easily the funniest ones pertained to the whole Palmer penis thing.
On Saturday, Trump spoke at Arnold Palmer Regional Airport in Latrobe, Pennsylvania and, ostensibly inspired by the locale, rambled his way into an anecdote (?) about the great golfer. Trump said Palmer was “all man,” was “strong and tough,” and then, “When he took showers with other pros, they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God, that’s unbelievable.’ I had to say it.”
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On The Late Show, after playing the clip, Stephen Colbert leaned into his gravely-voiced Trump impression as he cracked: “I refuse to say it, but I had to say it! Arnold Palmer was swinging a real titanium three wood. I mean this thing, you want to lock the grip… This thing could drive a par five from tee to hole and had a wicked dogleg in it!”
Colbert’s old boss, Jon Stewart, also broke out his Trump impression on The Daily Show, and really got to the not-so-subtle homoerotic undertones of Trump’s story: “I wanna fuck Arnold Palmer so bad!”
He then quipped (in his real voice), “First of all, I’m not here to fact check the former president. But Arnold Palmer wasn’t all man. He was half man, half lemonade.”
Seth Meyers on Late Night couldn’t resist impersonating Trump either, quipping, “That’s why they call him Arnold Palmer — his dong was so big he had to carry it in his palm.”
And on The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon tossed out a few spitfire one-liners: “Afterwards, you could donate $10 to Trump’s campaign by texting the eggplant emoji.” And, “I think one of his staffers must have said, ‘We need to focus on the polls,’ and Trump was like, ‘Oh, I’ll focus on the pole.’”
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