Every Van Halen Album, Ranked
This wasn’t easy, but it was fun – like most things with Van Halen.
Ranking any great band’s discography is bound to irritate some fans, especially a band like this, which enjoyed two highly successful – and fairly divergent – runs with two famous frontmen. The third, which we’ll get to in a minute, tripped on its laces and face-planted at the starting line.
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I’ll cut to the chase: I’m an unapologetic shill for the original, David Lee Roth-fronted Van Halen lineup, and the reason is simple. I think the band put out better material with him. The attitude, the look, and most importantly, the Van Halen sound I love comes from the Roth era.
DLR haters will say his voice is weak compared to his replacement, Sammy Hagar. No argument there, but this isn’t the opera. As longtime SPIN contributor Chuck Klosterman put it, “Roth sounds the way the singer from Van Halen is supposed to sound” – which is to say, like a horny surfer with a two-packs-of-Marlboros-a-day habit.
This doesn’t mean I hate Hagar, or begrudge him for joining VH in 1985 when Roth left the band because any singer with an IQ above room temperature would’ve done the same thing. And I’ll admit, I’ve had some fun nights at Cabo Wabo.
His version of VH was softer and more focused on pumping out keyboard-driven love songs that didn’t offend listeners. It was Disney-fied Van Halen. That’s fine, because a lot of people like Disney, and a lot of people like Van Hagar. They still put out some incredible songs following the switch.
But the fact that the band was able to enjoy such prolonged success – more than 80 million albums sold worldwide – is ultimately a testament to the late Edward Van Halen. Add me to the list of writers who have called him a musical genius, because he was –- a classically trained pianist who instantly reinvented the act of playing the electric guitar when Van Halen’s debut album was released in 1978.
He had a lot of help from his loyal brother and drummer, Alex Van Halen, bassist Michael Anthony and his primo backing vocals, and later, his son Wolfgang Van Halen. Altogether, the band put out 12 studio albums between ‘78 and 2012, and I’m about to chug a Heineken and rank them from worst to best, for you.
12. Van Halen III (1998)
This is the musical equivalent of Shaq in a Celtics jersey: a once-dominant juggernaut that’s now battered, semi-recognizable, and running on fumes. What the hell happened here? Well, Ex-Extreme singer Gary Cherone joined the fold for his first and only album with the band, after Hagar was kicked to the curb – or quit, depending on whose story you hear – and a ‘96 reunion with Roth crashed and burned five minutes after takeoff. The result isn’t good, so unless your goal is to depress a VH fan in your life, I can’t recommend a single song here. It’s not really Cherone’s fault, and producer Mike Post has said this was an album done “Eddie’s way” – ie., without the interference of any meddling lead singers. “[Cherone] grew up on Van Halen and it wasn’t somebody with a big sense of himself the way that Sammy was,” Post told The Hustle podcast. “Eddie came in and basically said, ‘Look, sing this this way.’” That plan didn’t work, and I’ve already said way too much about III. Let’s keep it moving.
11. OU812 (1988)
If Google had any sense of humor, the cover of OU812 would pop up anytime you search “sophomore slump.” There are two big problems with Hagar’s second album with the band. The production is brutal – it sounds like this was recorded inside a prison cell, not the same room as 1984 – and the songs are hit-or-miss, but mostly the latter. “When It’s Love” is the worst single Van Halen put out from either the Roth or Hagar Eras. It’s overly sentimental and generic, words that were never used to describe Van Halen when they first hit the scene a decade earlier. Chorus lyrics such as “How will I know when it’s love? / I can’t tell you, but it lasts forever” will make you want to employ the green sick face emoji, but there are some moments here. “Finish What You Started,” a country-infused bop about blue balls, is catchy as hell, and thanks to one of EVH’s beefiest riffs, “Cabo Wabo” is the best song of the bunch. It’s also three minutes too long.
10. Diver Down (1982):
First things first – this is a fun album. It’s upbeat, the production is crisp (as usual with Ted Templeman), and the band sounds like they’re having way more fun than they were while recording it. The vibe is contagious, but there isn’t enough original material here to warrant ranking it higher. Diver Down is what many fans derisively refer to as the band’s “covers album” since it has five, with the remaining seven tracks comprised of three EVH instrumentals and four originals. To be fair, Van Halen was a victim of their success during this period – thanks to a splendid cover of Roy Orbison’s “(Oh) Pretty Woman” that raced up the charts in early ‘82, they had to hustle back into the studio to get an LP out. The best of the originals is “Secrets,” which offers an atypically subdued vocal delivery and top-notch guitar solo.
9. Balance (1995):
The album title is fitting, since there’s some good stuff offset by a healthy dose of filler. Skip past bland rockers such as “Big Fat Money” and “Take Me Back (Deja Vu),” and take this as a warning to not waste 98 seconds of your life on whatever “Strung Out” is. Otherwise, “Can’t Stop Loving You” is a snappy soft-rock tune that you’ll likely still hear in the grocery store nearly 30 years later, and “Aftershock” is one of the most underrated Van Hagar songs. What makes Balance interesting is how EVH’s guitar playing had evolved by ‘95. He’d traded a bit of speed for a crunchier, heavier tone, and it pays off on songs such as “Don’t Tell Me (What Love Can Do)” and “Amsterdam.” His fat riff and killer solo on the latter are so good that you’ll be able to overlook the goofball stoner lyrics – something EVH wasn’t able to do himself (“Lyrics should plant some sort of seed for thought, or at least be a little more [metaphorical],” he told Guitar World in 1996). In related news, this was Hagar’s final LP with the band.
8. A Different Kind of Truth (2012)
Roth’s first Van Halen album since the Reagan administration offers periodic glimpses of what made Van Halen the biggest band in the world at one point. Yes, a bulk of the tracks are recycled leftovers from the ‘70s and ‘80s, but that doesn’t mean they’re bad – “Blood and Fire,” the propulsive “She’s the Woman” and ‘Chinatown,” in particular, would’ve fit seamlessly on any of the band’s first six albums. The big change here, of course, was Wolfgang Van Halen replacing Michael Anthony on bass. Anthony is one of the best backing vocalists in rock history, and that fact always seemed to be undervalued by EVH. Still, WVH fills in admirably. This isn’t just a nepo baby case – he’s talented, and his voice blends rather nicely with his dad’s. That’s especially clear on “You and Your Blues,” the best song on the album.
7. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (1991)
F.U.C.K. was a nice bounce-back album for VH in ‘91, following the trainwreck that was OU812. In short: It’s the hardest and rock-iest Van Hagar album, and that’s a good thing. I’d advise you to go beyond the two best-known songs on the album, though. “Poundcake” gets stale fast, and “Right Now” is just way too soppy. More worthwhile are “Runaround” and its polished pre-chorus, the straightforward rockers “Judgement Day” and “The Dream Is Over,” and “316,” an EVH acoustic number dedicated to his son, who was born on March 16, 1991. Plus, it’s hard not to have a pep in your step when you throw on “Top of the World,” the best song here.
6. Women and Children First (1980)
Three-peating is hard – just ask Steph Curry or LeBron James. After blitzing the rock world with back-to-back classics in ‘78 and ‘79, Van Halen’s third album was, understandably, a minor drop-off by comparison. The material just isn’t as strong, with songs such as “Fools” and “Loss of Control” unable to compete with the album tracks on most Roth-era releases. “And the Cradle Will Rock” was an odd choice for the album’s first and only single, as its arguably only the fourth or fifth-best song here. Thanks to Alex Van Halen’s eerie jungle drumming and a salacious DLR breakdown (“I like the little way the line runs up the back of the stockings…”), “Everybody Wants Some!!” has rightfully become a fan favorite. Still, WACF is really saved by two of the best songs VH ever recorded. “Romeo Delight” is the most heavy metal song this non-metal band ever put out – Roth liked to call the band’s sound “Big Rock,” and I think that’s fitting – and closer “In a Simple Rhyme” is an unheralded gem. Between its melodic acoustic intro, buzzsaw riff, and angelic harmonies, it makes WACF worth owning – or streaming.
5. 5150 (1986)
Even the most ardent Roth fans (raises hand) have to admit the first Van Hagar album is full of bangers. Take your pick, because there’s a lot to like. “Summer Nights” and its slinky intro rocks, the title track is one of the five best songs from Hagar’s tenure (thanks in large part to a blistering solo from EVH), and “Best of Both Worlds” is the actual best Van Halen song with Sammy on vocals. “Good Enough” was an apt opener here, as it let diehards know that this version of VH may not touch the original, but it’s good enough to occasionally scratch your headbanging itch. The keyboard-driven songs, on the other hand, are less moving. “Why Can’t This Be Love” was a terrible choice as the first Van Hagar single – the hella ‘80s synth, combined with the Grade A cheesy lyrics, made it clear this was VH Lite. The absence of longtime producer Ted Templeman is glaring, most notably in the equalization of all the instruments (farewell, EVH’s guitar being mostly piped through the left side of the speaker). The discourse about 5150 is understandably focused on Hagar, who was the new guy. However, the more you listen to the album, the more you detect the raw power of EVH’s playing. His solos – particularly on “Dreams” and the title track – come across as angry, almost like he was taking his disdain for Roth out on his Frankenstrat. Whatever he was feeling, it worked because 5150 still holds up.
4. Van Halen II (1979)
You won’t find an album that oozes SoCal more than this one. You could be driving through North Dakota on a snowy January night, throw this one on, and easily imagine you’re coasting along the PCH on a 70-degree day. Start with “Beautiful Girls.” “I got a drink in my hand / I got my toes in the sand / All I need is a beautiful girllll,” Roth croons, before the turbocharged harmonies of EVH and Anthony kick in. Imagine the Beach Boys if they suddenly employed the GOAT guitarist and a horndog lead singer (and who could forget the song’s iconic sync in Saturday Night Live’s “Schmitt’s Gay Beer” parody). “Dance the Night Away,” the better-known pop-rock hit from VHII, might be something true heshers skip if they’re listening with friends, but they’ll likely throw it on the second they’re alone. There’s also plenty here for hard rock fans to enjoy, with “Somebody Get Me a Doctor,” “D.O.A.,” and “Light Up the Sky,” sure to prime you for any Friday night rager.
3. Fair Warning (1981)
Dark, sordid, and often angry, Van Halen’s worst-selling album from its original lineup reflected the band’s growing disunity by 1981. Despite the friction – or maybe because of it – Fair Warning is a stone cold classic. That’s clear from the jump, with the frenzied intro to “Mean Streets” punching you in the ear and letting you know this is a different side of VH (it has been described as the sound of Van Halen “after midnight”). “Hear About It Later” and the reggae-influenced “Push Comes To Shove” (trust me, it works) have two of the best solos EVH ever laid down, and “Unchained” is simply the best song the band ever recorded. The riff is heavier than a “My 600 Pound Life” patient, DLR’s mid-song razzing of Templeman is gold, and good luck keeping up with Anthony’s bass line without a faceful of coke. If you don’t like this song – or album – you don’t like Van Halen.
2. Van Halen (1978)
What else is there to say at this point? It’s a cliche to note Van Halen is one-third of the Holy Trinity of Debut Rock Albums, alongside Jimi Hendrix’s Are You Experienced and Guns N’ Roses’ Appetite for Destruction, but it’s true. I could talk about the hits, or tell you to throw on stealth gems like “Feel Your Love Tonight,” a song so “palpably live,” as Chuck Klosterman described it, that you’ll feel like you’re listening to it from inside the Whisky a Go Go circa 1977. Like all truly great albums, the devil is in the details. That’s what makes it worth revisiting over and over, 46 years after it was released. I love the blaring car horn at the start of “Running With the Devil.” I love the way EVH’s guitar sounds like a 12-foot wave crashing down halfway through “Ain’t Talkin’ ‘Bout Love.” I love DLR’s acoustic intro to “Ice Cream Man.” I love the bizarre yet endearing barbershop breakdown in “I’m the One.” I love those gravity-defying final 45 seconds of “Eruption.” If you’re a rock fan and haven’t heard this album yet, throw it on now. I’m sure you’ll find plenty to love, too.
1. 1984 (1984)
What do you get when a musical genius reaches his creative peak, builds his own studio, ingests copious amounts of cocaine and vodka, and refuses to sleep for days on end? A masterpiece, apparently. There’s no other way to describe 1984. This is a definitive “no skips” album. After building his 5150 Studio at his Coldwater Canyon mansion, EVH was the driving force here musically, even more so than usual. But Roth was at the top of his lyrical game too, a fact evident on songs such as “Drop Dead Legs,” which has one of the best guitar outros in VH history and some of the funniest lyrics of all time (only Roth, or possibly Mick Jagger, could get away with singing about a “giant butt” that gives them the shakes). “Girls Gone Bad” is another guns-blazing banger on which Roth’s salacious lyrics fit like a leather glove, and I highly recommend blasting while attempting a deadlift personal record. Then there’s the hits. “Panama” duly remains a classic rock staple, and “Hot for Teacher” is the band’s second-best track ever recorded. The song has it all, but Alex Van Halen’s memorable and innovative drumming deserves a special shout-out (Anthony also gets points for his hilarious attempt to grab the hot teacher in the music video). Some purists still cry about the two keyboard tracks 40 years later, and admittedly that’s not my favorite VH flavor. But “Jump” is a certified pop mega-hit – the band’s first and No. 1 single – with a sublime guitar solo. Deal with it. 1984 is the album that pushed Van Halen into another tier of stardom, but the party didn’t last much longer. Egos and creative friction led to Roth’s exit a year later. That blows. And yet, maybe it had to end this way, with the band at their apex. Before Roth’s hair fell out. Before Eddie wore those pink parachute pants. And before they tried to top this album.
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