Hit List: July 13, 2012

1. Mötley Crüe’s Vince Neil to attempt to get pilot’s license on PBS’ The Aviators

Good to see PBS and Neil collaborating again after that ill-fated Masterpiece Theatre of Pain experiment.

2. Charlie Sheen says he no longer believes in rehab

But he still believes in the Easter Bunny. In fact, he got hammered with her at the Playboy Mansion back in April.

3. Cee Lo still using cockatoo as mascot on The Voice despite animal activists’ concerns that bird could stress out, self-mutilate

”They said the exact same thing about Christina, and she seems to be doing just fine,” he noted.

4. Christian Slater’s 1990 film Pump Up the Volume may become Broadway musical

Yes! Totally nailed it! Who had Kuffs and Bed of Roses? I want my 40 bucks!

5. The Flaming Lips break Jay-Z’s world record by staging eight live shows in eight cities in 24-hour period

They also broke the record for the number of times a sorority girl turned to her hipster boyfriend in a 24-hour period and whispered, ”Wait…I sort of don’t get it.”

6. News Corp. to split into two separate companies

The entertainment division and the cell-phone surveillance unit.

7. Man files restraining order against Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, alleging they made sex tape with barn animals and unicorn at hotel, held shotgun to his head, beat him with her engagement ring, and forced him to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians for six hours

That seems pretty crazy. Six hours?

8. Snoop Dogg detained for marijuana possession

”Your search has retrieved more than 100,000 documents. Try using more specific keywords.”

9. William Shatner’s pants fall down while he’s being searched by TSA: ”The most embarrassing thing probably that’s ever happened to me”

It wasn’t a big deal until everyone in the terminal turned around when a concerned fan yelled, ”You just…Shat! Your pants!”