Jaleel White says Jonathan Brandis' death after their TV pilot wasn't picked up made him question acting
Brandis, 27, died by suicide in 2003.
Jaleel White remembers the very moment that he learned Jonathan Brandis had died, and it forced him to face some tough realities.
The Family Matters star wrote in his new book, Growing Up Urkel, that he was up late writing one night when he saw that Brandis had died by suicide at 27. The sad news came months after Brandis, White, Frank Langella, Tippi Hedren, and the entire cast of the pilot for a TV drama called 111 Gramercy Park learned that it had not been picked up.
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Jaleel White talks about his grief following the death of Jonathan Brandis"I stared at my computer screen, tears rolling down my face. I could only speculate what Jonathan was going through at that time," White wrote. "Just like me, he had dedicated his entire life to achieving what Leonardo DiCaprio and the rest of his peer group had seemingly accomplished with ease. In my own way, I was the more well- adjusted success story. I grew up in an industry that always told me I couldn’t match Leo's or Tobey Maguire's level of success and still I’d made a tremendous living for myself."
Brandis began acting in TV commercials when he was barely old enough for kindergarten. He then appeared on TV shows such as Who's the Boss? and Full House, before starring in the Steven Spielberg-produced sci-fi series seaQuest DSV. He also starred in movies including 1992's Ladybugs, alongside Rodney Dangerfield and Jackée Harry, and Sidekicks, with Chuck Norris.
Related: Family Matters cast: Where are they now?
White said his mother was visiting, and she was staying in his guesthouse.
"She came into my office, saw my tears, and immediately sought to console me," White said. "She's always hated to see show business affect me in the various ways it has privately, and so she began to sob as well."
White told her, "I can't do this s--- anymore, Mom. I want out. This business kills people from the inside."
The actor said he was unable to break into film, having been forever labeled by many as Steve Urkel. What saved White, he said, is that he knew from the beginning of his career that he would always be in a secondary role.
"I imagine that Jonathan felt he needed that pilot to feed his soul," White said. "I've never known an actor to ask me repeatedly about our pickup prospects the way he did when we shot 111 Gramercy Park. He was as much a veteran performer as I, our prospects for pickup should have been as clear to him as they were to me. It seemed to me that Jonathan, much like myself, had come to another career crossroads and 111 Gramercy Park would have offered him an honest chance at leading-man status. In my case, I would be playing just another character role, and there would be many more down the road."
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White and Brandis had met in the '80s, when they had costarred on another TV pilot: Good Morning, Miss Bliss, which had eventually become — without them — Saved by the Bell.
"Jonathan and I were not close at all as kids. But he and I always had a way of crossing paths again and again," White recalled. "Our closest overlap until now was a mutual acquaintance, actress Tatyana Ali. He was Tatyana's real-life boyfriend when I shot my one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Tatyana was so smitten with Jonathan that when it came time for our on-screen kiss, she turned her head so far toward the camera, hiding the fact that our lips were barely touching. Got it, Tatyana. No one is misconstruing our professional duty."
But as the 111 Gramercy Park cast spent nearly three weeks filming in Toronto, going out for dinners and drinks, "a friendship developed" between the twentysomethings.
The night White learned Brandis had died, he wrote, he "cried for what felt like a fallen soldier."
Then he decided to find new representation and forge ahead.
Growing Up Urkel is in bookstores now.