Jennette McCurdy opens up about last conversation with her dying mother on 'Red Table Talk'
Jennette McCurdy isn’t done spilling her guts.
The former Nickelodeon actress, who released her debut memoir "I'm Glad My Mom Died" in August, appeared on the season premiere of “Red Table Talk” on Facebook Watch Wednesday to share more details about her turbulent upbringing with her mother Debbie McCurdy, who McCurdy alleges abused her as a child in the book.
McCurdy opened up about a verbally abusive email her mother allegedly sent her after discovering McCurdy was in a romantic relationship.
The “iCarly” star also got candid about the last conversation she had with her mother before she died of breast cancer in 2013 and the lingering impact their eating disorders had on their relationship.
Jennette McCurdy says mother called her a ‘slut’ in ‘scathing’ email
McCurdy recounted a series of “scathing” emails she received from her mother after running “away to Hawaii with (her) boyfriend” in August 2012.
“There were some paparazzi pictures that somebody had taken of us, and then my mom found those paparazzi pictures,” McCurdy explained. “The relationship had been a secret from her. I understand why she was disapproving. There was a significant age difference, but I don't respect how she handled it.”
The 30-year-old author then read one of these “disapproving” emails to hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield-Norris.
“‘Dear (Jennette), I am so disappointed in you. You used to be my perfect little angel, but now you are nothing more than a little –all caps– slut, a floozy, all used up. And to think you wasted it on that hideous ogre of a man,’ ” McCurdy read. “Add that to the list of things you are: liar, conniving, evil.”
She continued: “‘I raised you better than this. What happened to my good little girl? Where did she go, and who is this monster that has replaced her? … I told your brothers about you, and they all said they disown you just like I do. We want nothing to do with you.' ”
Jennette McCurdy's relationship with mother was colored by 'narcissistic abuse'
McCurdy's relationship with her mother was complex, she previously told USA TODAY. Sometimes, she craved her approval and validation – so much so that people-pleasing became instinctual, and she inadvertently gave up control over her diaries, schedules, relationships, finances and even body during shower checkups.
After going to therapy, McCurdy said she learned to reframe her life and accept the unfortunate truth that her mother's actions weren't love: they were exploitation and "narcissistic abuse."
"I felt pressure to find forgiveness and to justify her behavior…but ultimately, what I realized is that there are a lot of people who have mental health issues who take full accountability and who really work on themselves and spend so much time and energy trying to improve their lives and the connections with others," McCurdy said.
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Jennette McCurdy recalls final conversation with mother, talks having children
During her appearance on “Red Table Talk,” McCurdy discussed her final conversation with her mother, which she described as “sort of a non-conversation.”
“Her cancer had spread to her brain. She was in a hospice bed that was set up in our living room, and she was really just detached behind the eyes,” McCurdy recalled. “This thing happens when people are on their deathbed, or this was at least my experience, where everybody tries to say something to the person who's dying, like it's an attempt to get them to wake up.
“My brothers had each given their good news of their lives. One of them was getting married; one of them was moving back to California. And then I said, ‘Mommy, I'm so skinny right now.’ The thing that I felt like was the most that I had to offer was my thinness.”
In “I’m Glad My Mom Died,” McCurdy shares that her mother taught her about “calorie restriction” as a child, which eventually morphed into anorexia and then spiraled into binge-eating and bulimia. Part of it was an effort by McCurdy to maintain her already-petite stature. But mostly, it was a desperate attempt to bond with and impress her mother, who she said also exhibited disordered eating.
“And I really, really, in my core at that time, I believed that that would get my mother to wake up," said McCurdy, who told her mother she weighed "89 pounds" at the time. "I believe that she cared more about my body and my weight than she did about anything else that could possibly be uttered by my brothers’ mouths.”
On becoming a mother herself someday, McCurdy said while she’s “open” to the possibility of having children, she’s in no hurry to start a family of her own.
“I would never want to have a child for my own identity. That's a very, very concrete one for me,” McCurdy said. “I'm in a place where I don't feel like I want kids. I have two nieces that I adore and a third on the way. I'm really happy to be an aunt.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with body image or eating concerns, the National Eating Disorders Association's toll-free and confidential help line is available by phone or text at 1-800-931-2237 or by click-to-chat message at nationaleatingdisorders.org/helpline. For 24/7 crisis situations, text "NEDA" to 741-741.
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Contributing: Jenna Ryu, USA TODAY
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: 'Red Table Talk': Jennette McCurdy talks last conversation with mother
