Jon Stewart Thinks He Knows What Went Wrong Last Week
Jon Stewart was just as shocked by the presidential election result as you were. In the immediate aftermath, the part-time “Daily Show” host was able to gather himself enough to promise that another Donald Trump presidency “is not the end.”
Last week was about mourning — and hopefully, some comfort — this week is about figuring out just what the fuck went wrong. Stewart spent much of Monday night’s episode analyzing exactly that. One key takeaway: “Democrats never once mentioned Arnold Palmer’s c**k.”
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Though that may be the biggie, there were also other possibilities, like how the Harris campaign blew much of its $1 billion in funding on a stupid ground game.
“You know if there’s one thing people love, more than someone appearing randomly at their door once, it’s that same f**king person coming back two or three times to talk politics,” Stewart said. “Even though everyone from vacuum salesmen to Jehovah’s Witnesses knows that’s a losing strategy — in fact, they’ve know that for decades — let’s just spend a quarter of a billion dollars on it.”
If there is any money left over, Stewart suggests sending the street team members back to the very same doors one last time to ask, “What the f**k, Scott?”
(Seriously, Scott, did you even vote?)
It seems Democrats had everything ready to roll to ensure a “free and fair election” — Stewart’s words — except for the voters.
“It turns out the election was stolen,” Stewart said, “by more people voting for Donald Trump! It’s quite a caper.”
But why was it such a beatdown? Stewart doesn’t personally subscribe to the theory that Americans were tired of the “woke” nature of the left.
“They didn’t do the woke thing — they tried. They acted like Republicans for the last four months. They wore camo hats and went to Cheney family reunions,” Stewart said of the Kamala Harris and Tim Walz. “Do you know how dangerous it is to wear a hunting hat around Cheneys?”
With the jokes came reassurance.
“This isn’t forever,” Stewart told his Comedy Central crowd. “We don’t know what is gonna happen in four years — at all.”
Stewart/Colbert 2028? Watch the segment here:
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