Lucifer recap: 'Orange Is the New Maze'

Maze and Lucifer both battle their feelings in the middle of a more-forgettable-than-usual murder of the week. But who needs a compelling crime when Chloe’s smack in the middle of all of that angst?

Before we get to the crime, let’s check in with Charlotte, who tells Linda about her strange conversation with the tall, serious black man from the coffee shop. When Linda confirms that he was bald “in a very sexy way,” she tries to convince Charlotte to ignore him, but Charlotte instead decides to dig into his story.

She does this by telling Lucifer that she met his brother Amenadiel and demands the truth. Lucifer, being Lucifer, complies: He’s the devil, Amenadiel’s a former angel, Charlotte died, and her soul went to Hell while her body served as a vessel for his real mother, the goddess of all creation, whom he sent to another dimension when her divinity started leaking out, allowing Charlotte’s soul to return.

“If you have any follow up questions, please feel free to ask Amenadiel,” Lucifer concludes. She does, and Amenadiel tells her that her husband’s name was “God…frey. Godfrey.” All of the new information sends her to Lux, where she’s drinking alone and preparing to check herself in for psychiatric treatment when Lucifer and Amenadiel find her and Lucifer unfurls his wings.

At first, she’s stunned, and then she cries in relief that it’s all real. As far as endings go, this one seems pretty happy for Charlotte — for now.

Okay, now to the main story line. Lucifer finds Maze ransacking Chloe’s place in search of her knife — one forged in China rather than Hell — before giving up and taking a 12-pack of coconut water instead. Then she orders Lucifer to bust out his wings and take her back to Hell.

But he refuses because Chloe got hurt the last time he served as a celestial Uber. This makes an angry Maze even angrier; after all, Lucifer went to Hell for Pierce, whom he doesn’t even like. Then Chloe comes in looking all relaxed and casual and offers Maze the chance to apologize for hurting Trixie’s feelings, but Maze just slams out the door.

When Pierce strolls in with a cooler, Chloe stammers out an excuse about a weekend beach murder, and Lucifer exits. She apologizes to Pierce for the deception, and he assures her that he’s totally cool with everybody at work knowing that they’re dating. But what about us? We’re not cool with it!

Then a real murder on the beach happens, and Ella offers Lucifer a consolation hug when he realizes Chloe lied about the first one. She also continues to insist that Chloe and Pierce have more explosive chemistry than a Fourth of July fireworks show, and Lucifer continues to be the “This is fine” dog.

Then everybody gets distracted when the security camera shows Maze removing a knife from the chest of the dead man, one of her active bounties. Lucifer sets out to prove her guilt as punishment for attempting to manipulate him into taking her home, while Pierce reminds Chloe not to let the investigation get too personal.

Mike, the victim, worked at a winery up the coast, so Lucifer insists that he and Chloe check it out. As they cruise along in his convertible, he turns the conversation to her Pierce date, and Chloe somehow ends up announcing, “We’re not even sleeping tog — you know, we’re not…we’re not…” before trailing off, flustered. It’s awful for all of us.

The winery owner, Margo Channing, claims she and Mike’s supervisor, Zach, didn’t know about Mike’s criminal record, although someone did come looking for him recently. Lucifer asks if it was a hot angry lady in black leather, while Chloe, intent on proving Maze’s innocence, counters that it could have been a fat, happy dude. Zack confirms Lucifer’s version, and in Mike’s former quarters, they find an empty can of coconut water.

Back at the precinct, Ella’s swooning over Chloe and Pierce touching hands is interrupted when Maze walks in and confesses to Mike’s murder. Chloe frets that this isn’t like Maze at all, while Pierce wants to know why she’s wearing Lucifer’s bullet necklace. Chloe tries to explain the penetration joke and denies having had sex with Lucifer, which should definitely satisfy her quota of awkward conversations for the day.

In interrogation, Maze insists she was just living up to her evil reputation, although she can’t say for sure how many times she stabbed Mike or what she had to drink while she was at the winery. And sure enough, the coconut water only has Chloe’s fingerprints on it, indicating that someone stole it from her trash along with Maze’s knife as part of a frame job.

Then everyone scrambles at the news that Ella visited Maze in lockup and Maze asked for a hug because, you guessed it, Maze swiped Ella’s ID so she could rifle through files. (Next page: Maze has no interest in apologies)

A brand-new officer catches Maze in the act of stealing files and, scoping her ID, raves about how pleased he is to meet Ella, the ray of sunshine he’s heard so much about. He requests one of Ella’s trademark hugs, which is a weird thing to say to a person you just met. Maze apparently agrees because she squeezes him unconscious.

By the time the cavalry arrives, Maze is gone, and the new guy’s pleased to meet the real Ms. Lopez. (“That other Ella was mean!”) Realizing that Maze is the one being manipulated, Lucifer’s now hell bent on proving her innocence.

Chloe fills Pierce in, speculating that Maze turned herself in so she could get her hands on Mike’s file — specifically the name of the bail bondsman on the booking sheet, who sent her to Mike’s murder scene and likely knows who’s framing her. When Pierce goes to kiss her, Lucifer walks in and continues to act like he’s still! absolutely! fine! with everything.

Maze, meanwhile, finds the bail bondsman at a bowling alley with his team. He’s a patronizing jerk, and she threatens his face with the ball return until he agrees to take her to his office to explain the situation. Once there, he says someone from the Sebastian Corporation paid him to dispatch Maze. But a bullet drills him between the eyes before he can answer any more questions. As Maze clearly wasn’t the person to shoot him from across the street, the police now start investigating any of her former bounties who might have a grudge.

However, the cons they bring in for questioning all ultimately bonded with her, and it’s kind of sweet that Hell’s most fearsome torturer is changing lives for the better in her earthly job. Luckily, the team catches a break when one of the cons brings up a sketchy gig at the winery where Mike worked.

Maze apparently reached the same conclusion because she’s back at said winery, threatening owner Margo with a knife. Turns out, Maze nabbed Margo’s son, Sebastian, for a fatal DUI a few months ago, and he was recently killed in a prison fight. So Margo decided to make Maze suffer the way her son did.

Maze casually ducks a wine bottle that Margo chucks at her and complains about everybody blaming her, “the big, bad, evil demon.” When the police arrive, Chloe tries to talk Maze down, but Maze holds a knife to Margo’s throat and announces that she destroys everything: friendships, relationships, apartment walls…

Chloe responds that Maze is Trixie’s best babysitter, current behavior notwithstanding, and she’s a good friend to both of them. She tearfully begs Maze to let her help, but Maze spits that Chloe’s the reason Lucifer won’t take her home, then stabs Margo in the foot and walks out.

With the case wrapped, Chloe approaches Pierce in the precinct parking garage to tell him that she doesn’t want to lose her friendship with Lucifer, but it’s also not fair to wear his necklace while she and Pierce are dating. She takes it off and kisses him, and honestly, the fact that she feels the need to take the necklace off is a clear sign that her emotions run far deeper than friendship and that everybody’s fooling themselves with this “we’re just work buddies” nonsense.

Then Maze shows up and say that humans and their feelings all suck, and she’s not the one who’s supposed to be tortured. Lucifer again refuses to return her to Hell — not just because he’s worried about possible divine repercussions, but because he’s lost Chloe and doesn’t want to lose Maze, too.

But Maze says she’s fed up with being his consolation prize, which is a surprisingly vulnerable admission for her to make, and decides to leave town. However, Pierce finds her at the bus stop and suggests that they work together. Sure, they don’t like each other, but at least he won’t pretend to be her friend. In fact, he can help them both get what they want.

UGGGH, what is your end game, you monster?

Stray feathers

• I’m so glad the show fleshed out Maze’s feelings a bit and provided more context to her bad behavior! After eons of gleeful torture, of course she’s struggling to process messy human emotions like hurt and jealousy. It makes her recent actions a bit more understandable.

• At this point, the fallout over Linda and Amenadiel’s relationship feels like it’s lasted far, far longer than their actual time together. And let’s hear it for Amenadiel reminding Linda that he was a participant in their relationship, too; she doesn’t get to be the only one with opinions on breaking up and communicating with Charlotte.

• Here’s the only thing you’ll ever need to know about Marcus Pierce: When Dan compares Chloe and Lucifer’s relationship to accepting your girlfriend’s cat because your love for her is worth it, Pierce declares, “I’d just get rid of the cat.” SEE, CHLOE? HE’S SO SELFISH HE’D BOOT OUT A BELOVED PET! GURL, DO NOT TRUST HIM.