Project Runway recap: Sporty Spice
Can Lifetime please make a Tim Gunn doll so I can dress him up in all sorts of outfits and take him with me wherever I go? There are plenty of weirdos like me who’d buy one. That’s my creepy way of saying I love all the costumes he’s been wearing this season, and the referee outfit with shorts is my favorite thus far.
Tim, his whistle, and his pale gams took the designers to a field where they had to participate in a relay race, purely for our viewing pleasure. Several of the designers expressed their lack of athletic prowess, surprising exactly no one. Alexander claimed that he hadn’t exercised since 1876, confirming America’s suspicions that he’s a vampire.
The first-place finishers didn’t even get a significant prize — first choice in fabric, an extra hour to sew — but we were the real winners because we got to see Jeremy and Alexander fumble in the flag-grab pit. Gentlemen, I know sports aren’t your strong suit, but please, have some pride.
Ken started the episode off with another unfunny and cruel quip, comparing his racing partner Karen to a grandma. Karen is only 29, and she appears to be way stronger than smack-talking Ken.
Out of a field of supremely unimpressive contenders, Justin and Dom won the relay race. In the words of Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek, Truly stunning.
NEXT: When life hands you lemons, make Lululemonade
Heidi joined Tim to plug her activewear line with New Balance. The winning designer would have the opportunity to sell their look in stores as part of Heidi’s collection. The designers were right to be apprehensive about the challenge. Higher-end gymwear is certainly a trend right now — I’ve seen so many groups of women going to nice restaurants post-gym in their Lululemon and impeccable makeup — but there was almost no way this theme could lead to an interesting runway show.
In the workroom, Ken the miniature man had a serious breakdown of epic proportions after Helen refused to share a hot tip that Tim had given her. I would guess that the only reason the show didn’t make a bigger deal out of the incident is that Ken so obviously poses no physical threat, but he verbally threatened Helen with such vitriol and Chihuahua-like aggression that he came across as legitimately unhinged. It was hard to keep up with all the f-bombs and “bitch”es because they machine-gunned out of his mouth so freely. He went from spewing all that hate to calling his “spiritual mother” from his church for guidance, which was a disturbing juxtaposition, partly because so much of Ken’s meanness seems rooted in misogyny, given his disparaging comments about women’s age and bodies and his past tirades against female castmates. After Tim the Benevolent worked his magic, Ken apologized to Helen, but still, the blowup gave me chills… until I just started laughing.
Heidi, as someone who hopes to profit from the winning look, visited the workroom along with Tim this week, and she was a tough client. She ripped into Karen’s neon sports bra look, saying, It is Martian. It’s crazy. Only two percent of women would want to look like that.” After that, Karen decided to start from scratch — it was hilarious how much her model hated the look.
NEXT: Michael Kors reminds us why we miss him
On the runway, the judges’ opinions were all over the place, and they certainly didn’t arrive at a consensus regarding the top and bottom looks. Perhaps Michael Kors’ return threw a sassy wrench into things. He is certainly missed. Clearly, his withering critiques had been bottled up inside him after all that time away from the show.
Out of the “Safe” looks, I had a big problem with Jeremy’s. He called the color of his own pants “shockingly disgusting” and had no faith in his look, for good reason. He might be safe this week, but things aren’t looking good for him in the future.
TOP
Alexander
Heidi and Zac liked this one — and I thought it was impressive, too — but Nina and Michael both gave it low marks for not being particularly memorable. Nina didn’t like the color blocking, and upon closer inspection, the judges weren’t too thrilled about the craftsmanship, other than the seamless pants.
KATE
Based on the judges’ comments, I really thought Kate would win this one. Heidi thought it had just the right amount of color, and Michael loved the zipper in the back. She kind of looks like she’s wearing Power Ranger boots, though.
HELEN
Once again, Helen won, and once again, I didn’t quite agree with the judges. I think the judges liked that Helen’s look was almost practical but not quite. Nina loved that it covered a woman’s thighs and butt, and everyone loved the stylish, versatile jacket.
NEXT: Three strikes, and …
BOTTOM
Alexandria
Heidi mysteriously liked this one, but the rest of the judges absolutely destroyed it. Even the model had to turn away and laugh. What the hell was Alexandria thinking? Who wants webbed legs at the gym? That extra flap of fabric would be great for collecting crotch sweat, but that’s about it. Michael really went for it: “If you want guys to leave you alone at the gym, wear that look”; “You pooped in your pants!” Ouch!
KEN
Ken’s model looked absolutely miserable wearing this purple Grimace costume. It actually wasn’t particularly ugly, but there was zero fashion element to it.
KAREN
Oh no. The model looked like a toddler showing off her sweats combo. The judges all railed on the construction — Karen may have been better off with the Martian sports bra. Michael supplied a few more gems: “She looks like she’s going to a buffet on a cruise… She could put cookies in her pockets.” Can buffet pants be a thing? They’d be a sensation!
Did you think Ken deserved the auf or was it Karen’s time? Were you offended by Ken’s tirade? Sound off in the comments!
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