Rebel Moon Part Two: The Scargiver Review — Muted Mayhem

Early in the mostly superfluous sequel known as Zack Snyder‘s Rebel Moon Part Two: The Scargiver, muscular, sweaty heroes go out into their fields of grain, harvesting it in slow-motion with hand scythes and pitchforks. It resembles nothing so much as mid-20th-century communist propaganda posters, though imputing any particular ideology to Snyder feels like a mistake. He’s been previously called a fascist, objectivist, misogynist, and a whole bunch of other “isms” that imply far more subtext behind the imagery than the most likely explanation: his inner Beavis yelling, “Yeah, YEAH! Heh heh, this rules. It RULES!”

There’s no other way to really explain the space-traveling warship that’s apparently powered by manually fueled furnaces — a gag played for laughs way back in Airplane II — just so he can show more sweaty, shirtless dudes shoveling…coal? Unobtainium? Whatever it is, they’ll need to move faster than humanly possible to get that thing out of the atmosphere.

Just Keep Shoveling

Plenty goes unexplained in this sequel, which features a deus ex machina that wasn’t ever set up, and no elaboration whatsoever on the weird reincarnation rules that kicked in at the end of Part One, or why the Anthony Hopkins robot wears antlers now. Perhaps all will be explained in the bonkers, extra-pervy, R-rated blood and guts cut that’s supposedly showing up in August; until then, we have a censored chunk of id that’s had most exposition removed.

Part One, having rounded up the space version of Seven Samurai, seemed poised to lead into a big battle with the Empire Imperium, but kicking things off with that would be too easy. Presuming that the faithful will watch no matter what, Snyder takes the first hour for his heroes to first figure out that their arch-enemy Noble (Ed Skrein) is back from the dead because reasons. Then they all have to be given gifts of hand-woven banners that remind everyone what each warrior’s sole personality trait is, after which, Djimon Hounsou sings a song in a made-up language. Snyder wants us to sit through all the fictional customs he invented as surely as if he were Mr. Carson hosting us at Downton Abbey…in space.

After that, brief flashbacks to everyone’s motivation are in order. SPOILER alert: in virtually every case, it’s “The Imperium killed my people.” Except, that is, for our main lead Kora (Sofia Boutella), whose actual name is Arthelais, as if it matters. In her case, vengeance is about what the Imperium made her do, rather than what it did to any loved ones. But you knew that if you were paying attention in Part One, right?

A Noble Failure?

Eventually Noble gets his ass to planet Rural Ireland Veldt, and the rest of the movie is a laser battle over an extremely small patch of land, relatively speaking. The first film at least took us through space and to other worlds; the new one stays put in and above the small village. Others have ridiculed the notion that an agrarian community smaller than most city centers could ever be remotely significant to a space fleet; at a certain point, Noble agrees, making us wonder what the point of the whole story was, if he didn’t initially know Kora/Arthelais was hiding there.

It’s not like most people watch Zack Snyder movies for the plot, though; they’re a mood and an operatic immersion that sidestep one’s logic circuits, if they work as intended. To that end, The Scargiver remains beautiful to look at, with fewer harsh lens flares. It may be a pastiche of things young Zack Snyder thought would be cool to see in a Star Wars movie, and indeed, the laser battle in slo-mo Snydervision feels pulled straight from playroom dream scenarios. But if there’s a point to any of it beyond recreating a bunch of Heavy Metal magazine covers, it’s tough to discern. If the idea is a redemption arc for Kora, she needs to change more than just her haircut. Or, here’s a thought, actually have someone she must make amends to.

Wait, There’s More?

As a fan of Battle Beyond the Stars, the most notable previous version of Seven Samurai in space, I was happy enough to see it more-or-less remade. Less so, by a longshot, to have it end with a tease for the potential Part Three that implies this was all just set-up for the real story. Does anyone care that much? When a character near the end of the film says, of the fallen, “Remember their names,” I wondered for a second: do I? Does anyone, without checking Wikipedia? If you stopped watching after Part One, Part Two doesn’t offer significantly more closure.

It’s not damning with faint praise to say the visuals in Rebel Moon Part Two may well be worth the watch. A climactic fight that’s basically set on a sinking space Titanic is Snyder at his action-packed best, though Avatar: the Way of Water still did it better. It is damning, however, to note that the plot feels like a bunch of video game levels without clear objectives. Snyder and his cowriters Kurt Johnstad and Shay Hatten seem incapable of creating suspense, as they layer on payoff moments without any of the necessary narrative planting beforehand. Which seems especially ironic in light of the agrarian theme.

Release the…Well, You Know

If Zack Snyder is going to feed me nonsense, damn it, give us the craziest, most unfiltered nonsense he has to offer. Not the version that’s just trimmed to its most expensive setpieces and mostly sexless love scenes. In its current form, The Scargiver exists mainly to be played on mute in the background at a party, just to show what a 4K TV can do. The challenge for the director’s cut will be to give us a reason to turn on the dialogue.

Grade: 2.5/5

Rebel Moon Part Two: The Scargiver is now streaming on Netflix