Vote for 2017's Biggest Disappointment
It’s time for the Yahooies, our third annual reader-voted awards honoring the best — and sometimes worst — of the year. Each day through Dec. 8, we will announce the nominees for one category, with an accompanying poll. The winners will be crowned Monday, Dec. 11.
The nominees for 2017’s Biggest Disappointment are…
Baywatch
We’re cracking up just thinking about Dwayne Johnson stepping into the red swim trunks previously worn by David Hasselhoff. So why is the film version of Baywatch so laugh-free? Blame the movie’s obvious uncertainty about whether it wants to be a spoof of its ridiculous source material or an earnest homage. Audiences showed up ready for a 21 Jump Street-style self-aware comedy and instead endured a jumbled mess of botched comic moments and poorly staged action sequences. No wonder the movie drowned at the box office. (Fortunately, our love of the Rock was never in real danger.) — Ethan Alter
The Dark Tower
What was supposed to be the lynchpin in an epic transmedia adaptation of Stephen King’s career-defining series of novels — one that would include a TV series as well as future film sequels — now appears to be a one-and-done affair. Granted, the filmmakers had a nearly impossible task, trying to distill the author’s multi-volume, multi-genre tale into the film version of a pilot episode. But the result still satisfied nobody, ignoring the details King fans adore about the books and failing to make their appeal clear to any audience member not already an established FOR (Friend of Roland). — EA
Iron Fist
Even setting aside Marvel’s terrible track record representing Asian culture, this series is a bummer. Underwritten characters, underwhelming villains, and hamfisted plotting squander most of the goodwill its previous Netflix series had built up. All of that could have been saved if only Iron Fist, a hero whose power is he’s good at martial arts, had actually been good at martial arts. Daredevil set a high bar for outstanding fight scenes, but Iron Fist makes them feel like an afterthought. Don’t tell us he’s a martial arts master … show us. — Robert Clarke-Chan
Mother!
It’s not that Mother! is a terrible movie. Well, unless you ask most moviegoers — the film received a highly rare “F” rating from Cinemascore. It’s one of the most intense, disorienting, unsettling, and anxiety-inducing movies we’ve ever experienced at a theater. But given that it paired one of the most inventive filmmakers (Darren Aronofsky) and exciting movie stars (Jennifer Lawrence) in the biz, we had higher hopes for a movie that seemed far more intent on serving its many allegories (the biblical allegory, the environmental allegory, the artistic struggle allegory, so many allegories!) than its story, which spun fully out of control as it transitioned from suspenseful first and second acts into a totally wackadoo, outrageous, utterly ridiculous third act. — Kevin Polowy
The Mummy
Here’s a sentence we never expected to type: Tom Cruise is no Brendan Fraser. Cruise’s messy mash-up of monstrous horror, Indiana Jones-aspiring action, and Mission: Impossible-style stuntwork deservedly failed to click at the megaplex. Worse yet, the misfire not only tainted Cruise’s box-office rep but also effectively sunk Universal’s attempt to bring together its classic catalog of creatures in a shared universe. The Mummy‘s curse lives! — Marcus Errico
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