Why Selma Blair Would Never Get Married to Mystery Boyfriend
Originally appeared on E! Online
Selma Blair is making her intentions known.
Though the Legally Blonde actress has found herself a boyfriend, she's not sure if marriage is in the cards right now between raising 12-year-old son Arthur—who she shares with ex Jason Bleick—and her treatments for multiple sclerosis.
"Fitting anything in as a mother wanting to build a career and figure out when you're going to get your blood treatments in, a boyfriend falls by the wayside really easily," Selma told Us Weekly in an interview published July 17. "That's why I would never want to get married. It's a major setup to fail."
Still, she couldn't help but gush over her new man, who she says is "not in this business, although he has produced before."
"I wanted a Midwest man," she joked, "and I found a real Midwest man."
So, how did the couple meet?
"I saw him from across a table and now he's my boyfriend," she explained, noting that she has opted to keep his identity to herself because "relationships are best kept out of press if possible."
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"Nobody wants to be exposed to scrutiny" she added. "But yes, it's possible to find love at 52. And beyond!"
However, the Cruel Intentions alum is not shy about her struggles with MS as well as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a condition affects the connective tissues. And she's grateful that folks have been so receptive to her openness.
"Being honest about the diagnosis and putting myself out there has been a real enrichment in my life," she said. "I could be sitting crying at a table and someone leaves me a note that says, 'You changed my daughter's life' or 'My daughter dances again because she didn't mind looking strange anymore when she can't do it.'"
Selma continued, "And I feel like the luckiest person in the world. It makes me so emotional."
And now with a strong support system, the Hellboy star is "so much happier."
"When the world is dark, you have to go and find the beautiful things," she noted. "I've been living my best life trying to do just that."
For more of Selma's journey in her own words, keep reading.
Selma Blair keeps cell phone video diaries and one from June 2018, two months before her diagnosis, showed that she was struggling to write and text. She thought the muscle spasms she'd been having—including one in her left leg that affected her stride when she walked in Christian Siriano's Fall/Winter 2018 show at New York Fashion Week that March—might have something to do with horseback riding, her favorite pastime.
In fact, she reveals, she'd felt off since the birth of her son, Arthur, in 2011.
Doctors told her "it's just sadness, you're a mom, you're overwhelmed," she recalls of the attempts she made to find out what was wrong, her symptoms dismissed as manifestations of postpartum depression.
Blair was emotionally fragile, though, after Arthur was born, and she recalls how her own mother, Molly (whom she greatly resembles), had told her that she wasn't marriage or mom material.
It turns out the actress' bittersweet relationship with her at times shockingly critical mother—who died last year during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, preventing Blair from being able to travel to Detroit to be with her family—has shadowed her entire existence. Despite having every reason to want to distance herself (Molly's main reaction to her daughter's big break in Cruel Intentions was to ask why she had to use so much tongue in her kiss with Sarah Michelle Gellar), Blair loves her all the same. She muses that her mom—who sounds as if she suffered from depression—may not have encouraged her in order to toughen her up. As in, life isn't going to be your friend, so you better figure it out on your own.
She wonders if she understands where her mom was coming from "because my brain is hijacked sometimes, too."
Getting a diagnosis was an improvement over not knowing, she recalls, because then at least she could move forward. But then she was left with the reality of her worsening physical ailments, and it soon became apparent to her that her medications weren't helping. According to her assistant Bonny Burke, one of the confidantes we hear from in the film, it was actress Jennifer Grey who brought up stem cell transplants, telling Blair that her friend's brother had been cured of an autoimmune disorder after undergoing the procedure at Northwestern.
After considering her options, Blair decides to go for it, ignoring the insistence from an unnamed friend that she wouldn't survive the process.
Blair is seen having good days and bad, sometimes barely needing the cane as she scales a rocky slope on her Studio City, Calif., property, while at other times her mobility is visibly limited. She basks in the normalcy of being able to cut strawberries on her own in June 2019, "all very new, because I could not do this a couple months ago."
As we see her tender interactions with Arthur, who is obviously the most important part of her life, Blair reflects on blacking out while on a flight with her son (luckily he was sleeping with headphones on, she notes) and his father, her ex Jason Bleick, in 2016—an embarrassing incident that she immediately publicly apologized for, and which prompted her to never take another drink.
"It is the worst thing I've ever done as a parent and thank god nobody was hurt," she says. "Thank goodness I had the sense to be such a self-destructive fool while his father was there."
She also remembers being in pain on that trip, leading to her mixing a pill and booze, one of several instances that leave her wondering whether MS had been encroaching on her life for years before her diagnosis.
Before she goes to Chicago for the stem cell transplant—a multi-step process that only begins with preliminary chemotherapy—she lets Arthur buzz her hair off so he'd be less shocked by seeing her without it upon her return.
After the initial chemo, her treatment includes a rigorous personal evaluation in which doctors purposely mess with her head to test her resilience, giving herself injections to get ready for her cells to be harvested and then five days of intense chemo and isolation at the hospital. On the last day, Blair wanly celebrates that tomorrow will be "my new body's birthday."
She undergoes the transplant, which is followed by the engraftment period, while they wait for the cells to latch on. "My mouth tastes like dirty pennies," she observes in one scene, then gamely takes a lint-roller to her bald head in another. Nine days after the transplant, she's playing with the baby hands and trying out her best Fosse moves, cane in hand. And then after 19 days of isolation, she's discharged.
Then comes the overwhelming sense of unfairness (for us, let alone for her!) that what she just went through didn't completely cure her. Not overnight, and not even months later, when Blair admits she's "judging the process," depressed that she's still struggling with balance, her vision and almost everything else that was bothering her before.
An encounter with cancer survivor Robin Roberts at the TIME 100 Health Summit makes her feel better, the Good Morning America anchor sharing that it took two years before she really felt right after undergoing a bone marrow transplant to treat a rare blood disorder.
Setbacks abound, including finding out for the first time from a doctor in Los Angeles that her brain's gray matter—which affects muscle control, memory, speech and emotions—is damaged, something no other doctor had ever brought up, she says, throughout all those tests and scans she'd had.
But when the film catches up with Blair in the spring and summer of 2020, she's unmistakably doing better, enjoying the company of friends during an intimate birthday party in her backyard and swimming with Arthur.
Not, however, that she doesn't still have her days where she's laid low by what she can't do yet, and going out in public remains far more stressful on her body and mind than chilling at home. When she makes her long-awaited return to riding, she's upset that she only has enough energy for 10 seconds of trotting at a time.
"But the fact that you can do it for 10 seconds, like think about that," her instructor reassures her. "Think about how long it's been since you've been able to do something like that for 10 seconds, it's incredible."
Like the ability to gracefully slice a strawberry, every bit of progress is a step in the right direction.
She says at one point that she can't believe she's a disabled person who's out there helping other disabled people, but that being able to help anyone—even if it's just to make them less self-conscious about using a cane—has given her life purpose.
"I'm embarrassed to say, I'm at peace," she says in the film's final sequence as she jumps into her freshly resurfaced swimming pool wearing her mother's "magician dress," an item Molly never let her daughter try on while she was alive, making it even more fraught with meaning after she died. Blair sheds the garment underwater, leaving that piece of her past languishing at the bottom of the pool while she glides off into her future.
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