"You're a Virgin Who Can't Drive" — and Other Hilarious and Quotable Lines From the Movie 'Clueless'

The 1995 teen movie Clueless is beloved for its charismatic young cast, fabulous fashions and hilarious dialogue. In fact, it just might have one of the most quotable screenplays of any comedy.

Written and directed by Amy Heckerling, the film tells the story of Cher (Alicia Silverstone) a shallow rich girl who sets out to give the new girl in school, Tai (the dearly missed Brittany Murphy), a makeover, all while navigating the ups and downs of teen life and ultimately developing feelings for her handsome ex-stepbrother, Josh (Paul Rudd).

Nearly 30 years after it hit the screen, Clueless remains as beloved as ever, and has won over a new generation of fans thanks to its playful style and humor. We’ve gathered some of the most memorable Clueless quotes — sure to entertain you next time you’re “rollin’ with the homies.”

Cher Horowitz (Alicia Silverstone) Clueless quotes

Alicia Silverstone in Clueless
Alicia Silverstone as Cher Horowitz in Clueless
Paramount Pictures/Getty
  • “Ugh! As if!”

  • “Oh my God, l am totally buggin'.”

  • [on being a virgin] “You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.”

  • “You're probably going, ‘Is this like a Noxzema commercial or what?’ But seriously, I actually have a way normal life for a teenage girl.”

  • Mel Horowitz (Dan Hedaya):  “What the hell is that?” Cher: “A dress.” Mel: “Says who?” Cher: “Calvin Klein.”

  • “In conclusion, may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty.”

  • “She's a full-on Monet . . . It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess.”

  • “Some teachers are trying to low-ball me, daddy. And I know how you say, ‘Never accept a first offer,’ so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.”

  • Dionne: “Hello? There was a stop sign.” Cher: “I totally paused.”

  • “Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value.”

  • Mel: “Do you know what time it is?” Cher: “A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, daddy.”

  • “She's my friend because we both know what it's like for people to be jealous of us.”

  • “Oh, my God! l love Josh. l am majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh!”

  • Josh: “Do you have any idea what you're talking about?” Cher: “No. Why, does it sound like I do?”

  • Christian (Justin Walker): “??Do you like Billie Holiday?” Cher: “I love him.”

  • “Do you prefer ‘fashion victim’ or ‘ensembly challenged’?”

  • “I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies'.”

  • “Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.”

  • “Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.”

  • “Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer . . . And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter.”

  • “Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.”

  • “Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.”

  • “Okay, okay, so he is kind of a Baldwin.”

  • “Old people can be so sweet.”

  • “There was a major babe drought at my school.”

  • “Don't you want to use your popularity for a good cause?”

  • “She looks like one of those Botticelli chicks.”

  • “Let's do a lap before we commit to a location.”

  • “I'm having a Twin Peaks experience.”

  • “I know it sounds mental, but sometimes I have more fun vegging out than when I go partying. Maybe because my party clothes are so binding.”

  • “I had an overwhelming sense of ickiness”

  • “You don’t understand. This is an Alaia . . . It’s like a totally important designer.”

  • “You are a snob and a half.”

  • “I’m not a prude, I’m just highly selective.”

  • “I was just totally clueless.”

Tai Frasier (Brittany Murphy) Clueless quotes

The actress in 1995
Brittany Murphy as Tai Frasier in Clueless
Paramount Pictures/MovieStillsDB
  • Tai: “Why should I listen to you, anyway? You're a virgin who can't drive.” Cher: “That was way harsh, Tai.”

  • “If I'm too good for him, then how come I'm not with him?”

  • Josh: “I’ll be seeing you.” Tai: “I hope not sporadically.”

  • “I’ve never had straight friends before.”

  • “My buns don't feel nothing like steel.”

  • “Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups!”

  • “Rollin' with the homies.”

Dionne Davenport (Stacey Dash) Clueless quotes

Clueless stars Alicia Silverstone (Cher Horowitz), Brittany Murphy (Tai Frasier) and Stacey Dash (Dionne Davenport)
Clueless stars Alicia Silverstone (Cher Horowitz), Brittany Murphy (Tai Frasier) and Stacey Dash (Dionne Davenport)
Paramount Pictures/MovieStillsDB
  • Cher: “Would you call me selfish?” Dionne: “No, not to your face.”

  • Amber (Elisa Donovan): “My plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.” Dionne: “Well, there goes your social life.”

  • “Cher's saving herself for Luke Perry.”

  • “Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover, okay? It gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.”

 

Read on for more '90s favorites!

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