Fancy Restaurant Clichés We’re So Over
Photo credit: StockFood
We’re aware that “fancy restaurant clichés we hate” is the definition of a first-world problem. (Many, many people aren’t so lucky as to have such problems.)
However! If we’ve been saving our pennies for ages for that one special-occasion dinner out on the town, the following things are still going to drive us bananas.
1. Towers
If an entrée has a million different little elements, we want to try them all on one fork. Together. At once. Bring on the complementary flavors! When food is layered and formed into a tower, though, this is impossible. Not to mention hella awkward to eat. And then the whole thing topples like a game of Jenga. Which is just not fancy.
2. Foam
Foam is slightly divisive on the editorial team: we have seen it done quite right at Uchiko in Austin, for example, as part of chef Tyson Cole’s “fried milk” dessert, but we’ve also seen it done quite wrong. The thing we’re united about: foam is neither a meal nor a full course. Don’t try to trick us, restaurateurs.
3. Speeches
As is true of a first date, the initial few minutes at a restaurant matter a lot. Is it going to be a comfortable meal, or an awkward one? When the waiter has a long speech prepared about provenance, or reels off exceedingly long lists of specials, you’re generally headed straight to Awkwardtown, USA.
4. Water Glass Refill Overkill
When the busboy hovers at your elbow, refilling it whenever it dips below two-thirds full, that busboy becomes part of your dinner date. And while we’re thankful for an attentive busboy, eventually we will stop hydrating entirely in order to make him go away.
5. “Jacket Required”
Nothing is worse than seeing the man you love in a borrowed jacket. (OK, we’re sure there are worse things, like a plague of locusts or whatever, but still.) It’s one thing to nix blue jeans, because yes, that does sort of cramp our style when we’ve worn our finest rhinestones out to a meal, but a closet full of jackets in this bedbug-ridden age doesn’t seem so fancy to us at all.
6. Gold Leaf
Again, our editorial staff is conflicted on the topic of the ubiquitous gold leaf garnish. For some, it brings to mind the golden ticket moment in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, making us want to clap our hands together with glee. For others—this writer is sadly outvoted—it’s a cheap thrill. Gold leaf is going for less than a buck apiece on Amazon, and it doesn’t taste like a darn thing.
7. The Chair Situation
Has anyone EVER successfully pulled out and pushed in a big heavy chair for a person anywhere, ever? This is supposed to signify how high-end a place is, but in the process of being “tucked into” our table, our dresses get hoisted inappropriately high, our sequins get all mashed up, and we end up readjusting the chairs ourselves anyways. Maybe this is one gentlemanly cliché we can all let go of now?
