How to Get the Perfect 'Dad Bod'
By Nancy Chen
Thanks to Clemson University’s Mackenzie Pearson, the “dad bod” is the newest body trend… for dudes. According to Mackenzie, the dad bod says, “I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.”
Boys, you should be thanking Mackenzie because now you can go to the gym less, drink more beer, and feel less guilty about that entire pizza you ate when you were drunk last night.
Because apparently it shows girls that you’re low maintenance and makes them feel less guilty about the entire pizza they ate when they were drunk last night.
Buuut, Mackenzie goes on to to say that the dad bod does not mean that you’re overweight; it only means that you don’t need to have a 6-pack in order to be attractive.
Wow, talk about picky. How exactly does one get the dad bod then, without getting too fat or too ripped? Follow this diet plan, and you’ll be golden. Here’s a day in the life of a typical dad bod guy:
Breakfast
The dad bod is all about getting enough protein and fat. So have a big meal of carbs and protein, like this bacon, sausage and tater tot breakfast bake. Or try a waffle grilled cheese if you’re sick of the typical bacon/egg/cheese breakfast sandwiches.
Snack
Gotta get more protein in. Try any Clif bar so you have enough energy to make it to lunch with your bros. Or chug a Gatorade to make yourself feel like you’re an athlete and to look like a straight up boss.
Lunch
If you’re gonna work out today, you gotta fuel up with more carbs and protein. Try this copycat Chick-Fil-A sandwich if you’re too lazy to drive to the real thing. Add some fries if you want. Fries are your friend.
If you’re not feelin’ the workout today, stock up on protein minus the carbs with some buffalo wings. Preferably boneless because honestly, picking out bones is annoying AF. Buffalo wings go best with beer, so have an ice-cold pint.
Workout (or No Workout)
Time to hit the gym. Do some weights so the girls running on the treadmills will be impressed. No cardio needed; you’re going to throw around a frisbee with some of your bros in the quad later anyway.
Remember, the key to dad bod is working out less and eating more. So if you want to take a post-lunch nap instead, have a beer and lay out by the pool.
Snack
Wow, hard workout. More protein needed. Grab your Blender bottle and pour in a good amount of protein powder in with some chocolate milk.
No workout? Well just have a beer. Why eat a snack when you can drink it instead?
Dinner
Time to chill in front of the TV with at least four slices of pizza, washed down with two Coors Lights. Bonus points for ordering in instead of picking it up yourself.
Want to switch it up? Pick anything from Taco Bell’s menu. Live más, right? Remember to have a beer or two or three.
Foods that are always acceptable (aka diet staples):
Pizza (especially stuffed crust)
Anything buffalo chicken
Anything off Taco Bell’s menu
All beer (except for light beer — that’s for weaklings)
Greasy Chinese food (as non-authentic as possible)
Now that you’ve got your diet plan, remember to follow it. I mean, don’t you want to be this guy?
Stick to your food staples and the chicks will come flocking.
Disclaimer: This article was written purely for satirical purposes. Follow this diet at your own risk, or consult a nutritionist first.
Photos courtesy of Total Frat Move, BuzzFeed, Tiare Brown, Emily Waples,Kelly Redfield and Hannah Lin.
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