10 Ways To Boost Your Body Love
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We need to be kinder to ourselves — our health depends on it! But accepting your body is tough in our culture. And it’s not just a matter of flipping a switch and deciding to love your thighs; it takes conscious effort. Believe me, it’s something I’ve been working at my whole life and something I spent a lot of time researching for my new book 20 Pounds Younger. For starters, try working these simple reinforcement practices into your life.
Pay homage. Every night before you fall asleep, thank your body for something it’s done for you, suggests Judith Hanson Lasater, PhD, PT, author of “Living Your Yoga: Finding the Spiritual in Everyday Life.” A few examples: “Thank you for giving me the strength to run a mile.” “Thank you for being flexible enough to do crow pose.” “Thank you for giving me the ability to dance with my friends.” Appreciating your body for its physical abilities — rather than focusing solely on its appearance — will help you love your figure now.
Book a massage. The pleasure of a massage has a price: You have to be willing to strip down. as terrifying as getting naked in front of a stranger may sound (you will be under a sheet, though!), letting another person touch you — even if you haven’t yet reached your goal weight — can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin, says Mitch Klein, a licensed massage therapist in New York city. In fact, women who received just one 50-minute massage reported a boost in body image, a recent Bridgewater State University study found. Credit the surge of endorphins, which may teach you to associate your body with pleasure, instead of distress, the scientists say.
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Practice yoga. Doing yoga can help you appreciate your body’s amazing capabilities. “Yoga means unity — it’s really about connecting all of the different parts of your body with your mind and spirit,” says Rachel Allyn, PhD, a psychologist and yoga instructor in Minneapolis. “That’s really different from the way most of us compartmentalize and objectify different parts of our bodies — as in, ‘I hate my butt,’ or ‘I’ve never really liked my shape.’” In one study, women who could more accurately count their heartbeats objectified themselves less, suggesting that tuning in to the way your body works can help you dwell less on its appearance.
Expand your definition of exercise. If joining a gym intimidates you — or you just don’t enjoy exercising in that setting — find something you can love, whether that means exercising in your living room, jogging with a girlfriend, or signing up for a hiking club. If you can exercise without feeling self-conscious, you’re more likely to keep at it — and your self-image will get healthier along with your body.
Never aim for perfect. That will guarantee failure almost every time. Be the best you can be, but acknowledge that you will make mistakes — and then know which slipups to let go of.
Accept your not-so-kind thoughts — but don’t believe them. Just like with food cravings — you can accept and sit with them, instead of trying to distract yourself — you can apply this same meditative approach to intrusive thoughts about your body. You have to come to terms with the negative self-talk. That may sound simple enough, but the truth is, it’s often easier to avoid acknowledging your internal critic, because doing otherwise may require facing some pretty crappy beliefs about yourself. Instead of pushing “I’m fat” or “I can’t stick to an exercise program” thoughts aside, allow them to surface — but refuse to buy into them.
Speak the (body) language. Whenever you hunch your shoulders, cross your arms over your chest, or stare at the floor, you announce your self-consciousness, says body-language expert Lillian Glass, PhD. According to a study in the European Journal of Social Psychology, good posture is linked with higher levels of self-confidence. So try a “fake-it-till-you-make-it” experiment: Walk upright, as if a string is pulling you up from the top of your head. When you talk to someone, squeeze your butt muscles to straighten your spine, and stand with your feet a foot apart, toes pointing at the person you’re facing. Smile, and don’t be afraid to use your hands when you talk. This kind of openness makes you seem more secure.
Actively pursue self-acceptance. Deciding that you’re cool — even happy — with your body isn’t enough. “Acceptance isn’t something we achieve,” says Jennifer Webb, PhD, an assistant professor of health psychology at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte. “It’s a value we continuously engage with, sometimes several times a day. It’s about how you treat yourself.” In other words, this isn’t just an attitude you adopt — you have to actively show yourself kindness, in ways consistent with your goals. “One of the biggest misconceptions is that self-compassion is a vehicle for self-indulgence — that you’re going to go on an eating binge and be okay with it,” she says. What it actually looks like: Instead of berating yourself when you slip up, you acknowledge the mishap, choose to be in control the next moment, and continue plugging away at your goal.
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Refuse to wallow. “Getting overly wrapped up in negative thought is often the doorway to self-pity — when we’re thinking we’re alone in our pain and suffering,” says Dr. Webb. So sometimes, the kind thing to do is to kick yourself in the butt and realize that you don’t have it so bad. “Intentionally recognize that you are not alone in this — that there are others experiencing similar pain,” she says. “That actually helps us snap out of self-pity.” Consider taking a trip to the beach or gym to check out other ladies. “Plenty of people with imperfections far worse than yours are out there flaunting it,” says psychologist Barbara Keesling, PhD.
Take ownership of your goals. If you view exercise as torture or eating vegetables as punishment, take a trip back in time: When you were a kid, did your parents force you to eat spinach? Did an ex-boyfriend say you’d be sexier if you exercised? Did your gym teacher embarrass you because you couldn’t loop the track? These kinds of negative experiences can make exercise and health seem like someone else’s goal — not something you’ve chosen to do for yourself, says Dr. Webb. So figure out why you want to shape up, whether it’s to boost your energy, increase your sexual confidence, or just fit into your clothes better. Then keep those goals in mind whenever it’s time to make a healthy choice. Suddenly, working out or eating right will feel like your idea. That’s incredibly motivating.
Reprinted from 20 Pounds Younger by Michele Promaulayko with Laura Tedesco. Copyright (c) 2015 by Rodale Inc. by permission of Rodale Books. Available wherever books are sold.