How I Got a Starring Role in My Own Cancer Movie
(Photo: Courtesy of Amy Grantham)
By Amy Grantham
In July 2010 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 31 years old, and had a family history of the disease. Knowing what women in my family had already been through, I did monthly breast exams on myself at home, which is exactly how I found the lump that was growing in my right breast.
Luckily, I acted fast and saw someone immediately. Little did I know how quickly my life was going to change. I had two surgeries (a lumpectomy and a re-excision), chemo, radiation, and an eventual bone marrow biopsy. I also had genetic testing done and learned that I have the BRCA2 gene. Today I am living a healthy life, staying positive, creating, making art, and looking forward to what life has in store for me.
I Have Cancer… and a New Vocabulary
I have always believed in the power of creativity, whether it’s something I create or something someone else has created that brings me joy, moves me to tears, or makes me think about life in a way I might not have before. For me, being creative has always been a sanctuary. It only made sense that when I was diagnosed with breast cancer my very first thought was that I would start a blog: Boooo Cancer. You Suck!
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That’s right, it was my first thought! I knew that one of the only ways I was going to get through a pretty tough road ahead was to have an outlet of some kind. My blog became a safe haven, a place where I could dump out all of the thoughts that were racing through my mind on any given day. It was also a space where my friends and family could check in to see what I was going through. I didn’t have to re-hash what was usually very hard to process internally, let alone do it on the phone with a well-meaning loved one. Writing my blog not only helped others understand what I was going through, it helped me.
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When you have cancer you suddenly gain an entirely new vocabulary. You start using words you never thought in a million years would be coming out of your mouth. Suddenly you know about blood counts and steroid doses and things that would never have crossed your pre-cancer mind. I spoke to a lot of people through the blog who said that they had cancer but didn’t talk to anyone about it. I thought, how lonely that must be. It’s such a huge weight to have looming over you as it is, but to have to go through it alone is almost more than anyone should have to bear. Having a creative outlet is so crucial to staying healthy.
Post-Radiation, Putting Feeling Into Film
Luckily for me, while I was going through treatment I met my friend Matt Creed. Matt was very interested in my story and suggested we write a short film about it. We ended up writing a script together while I was going through radiation treatment. I’d go to my treatment in the afternoon, then join Matt at his studio space, where we’d sit, talk, and write. He was incredibly sensitive to what was happening to me, and I trusted him completely to turn my experience into a real work of art, which in my humble opinion is exactly what he did.
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I loved meeting up with him after radiation because I knew I would get to talk about everything that was happening. We decided the focus of the film would be what it is like when you finish treatment, something I think is not discussed all that often. The end of my treatment was looming and I was having some real “what now?” moments that kept throwing me off.
It was such a relief to get out of treatment and just write. And talk. And process what was going on with a friend and fellow artist. For me, turning my experience into a film was a wonderful way to take a negative like cancer and turn it into something positive. It was also a nice way for me to close that chapter of my life while still giving others a glimpse into what I was going through at the time.
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The movie is called Lily, and its release date is December 9; you can find it on iTunes, Amazon Instant Video, and Google Play, and at www.thefilmlily.com.
In many ways, being creative and making art is what got me through my cancer treatment. If I hadn’t had a way to get it all out, a place to crumple it up and turn it all into something new, something good, I don’t think I would have gotten through things as well as I did.
Art can be a powerful healer — music, literature, film, painting, drawing, dancing… you name it! When you have that much going on inside of you, it’s so wonderful to have a way to get it all out and, I hope, touch somebody else’s life in the process.
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This article originally appeared on EverydayHealth.com: How I Got a Starring Role in My Own Cancer Movie
