How I Learned To Love The Missionary Position

Re-visiting an old classic.

Ok, I’ll say it: I hate missionary.

Most people rarely think about it, which is weird, considering it’s the most common position.

I’m not one to be too particular about sex—honestly, I’m just glad to be having it. Nor do I require acrobatic bedroom maneuvers like we’re performing in a show called Sex Du Soleil. Nonetheless, missionary is something I really can’t get behind—er, on top of.

Think about it. You’re forced to hold yourself up, which strains the triceps and occupies the hands. There can be trouble controlling the rhythm and pace. It’s clumsy. And, it conjures up memories of the first time. Not that mine was traumatic or anything—awkward, sure—but missionary feels regressive, like I’m still that ungraceful 18-year-old.

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Women, on the other hand, like it a lot. A Glamour survey showed that 45% of them prefer the mish posish above all. And when Women’s Health polled 800 men, they reported liking the missionary third best, behind her-on-top (#1) and from-behind (#2).

All half-dozen friends I asked are also down with the coital classic. For one, they explained, missionary sex is still sex. (No arguing with that.) Second, their partners like it, so that you have to love that. The other advantages cited include:

Comfort: It’s a safe and logical starting point for first-timers and long-time couples alike.

Intimacy: Eye contact. Kissing. Conversation. It’s a means of connection both physical and otherwise. One friend told me enjoys being “completely wrapped up skin-to-skin,” which made me crave a burrito.

Depth: More of that, always a good thing.

And, as Ocean’s 11 proved, you can remake an old classic. These guys also recommended some variations on the theme:

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Move Those Legs: Experiment with your partner’s legs closed. Or wide open. Up. Down. One leg up and the other down. Then switched. Wrap them around you. Burrito, anyone?

Try New Angles: Try placing a pillow under your partner for better leverage. Maybe she lifts her hips off the ground, like a bridge. Maybe you try all this on your knees, sitting back on your feet, so you’re holding her up instead of yourself. Finally, some relief for those quivering triceps (“Hit the gym!” one friend recommended).

Encourage Shenanigans: More kissing. More talking. Try a toy, perhaps. A little playful, consensual spanking or biting or choking or hair pulling never hurt anyone—unless it did, in which case it probably hurt so good.

Suggest a Trade: If your partner likes missionary, provide it. Then it’ll be your turn to get what you want, which means…anything else!

By Ben Kassoy

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photo: Getty Images