I Got a Concussion While Having Sex
(Photo: Stocksy)
Eight women share stories of how sex with their partners accidentally landed them in the emergency room.
This article was originally published as “My Sex Session Ended in the ER” in the October 2004 issue of Cosmopolitan.
Carnal Crash Course
“When my parents went out of town one weekend, they asked if I could dog-sit for them. My boyfriend, Chris, and I were totally psyched about it, because they have a huge place and we were looking forward to christening every room in the house. On our first night there, we went right to the pristine living room. Chris and I were going at it on the couch when he decided to lift me onto the glass coffee table. He seemed convinced that it was sturdy enough to take our weight. Well, he was wrong, because all of a sudden, we heard a crack, followed by a crash as we fell right through the table. Chris quickly pulled me out of the glass heap, shards imbedded in my behind. We wrapped my bloody butt in a towel and rushed to the emergency room. The doctors stitched up the deep cuts and sent me home, but it was a good two weeks before I was able to sit down without feeling any pain. I still have the battle scars to this day.” —Lisa, 27
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Out With a Bang
“On my boyfriend’s birthday last year, his friends threw a huge party for him and we ended up getting rather buzzed. When we got home that night, we were horny beyond belief, so things got pretty wild. At one point, we were doing the deed doggy-style and my head kept banging up against the headboard. I don’t know if I was drunker than I thought or just really in the moment, but I barely felt it. The next day, I woke up with a killer headache, which I assumed was just a hangover. I took a couple of aspirin and went to work, but I felt really light-headed and the pain wasn’t going away. Midmorning, I passed out and was taken to the hospital. Apparently, all that head banging the night before had given me a concussion.” —Tanya, 23
Runaway Rubber
“Back in college, I was sleeping with this guy Greg who was very well-endowed. One night, after a particularly strenuous sex session, we couldn’t find the condom. We looked all over the place and then decided it must have still been inside me. I started to poke around, but I couldn’t find it. Greg even took a shot, but nada. Finally, we gave up and assumed it had gotten lost in the sheets. But the next day, I started to feel pretty uncomfortable below the belt. Then my roommate told me she’d heard that if a guy was too big, the condom could get lodged all the way up in a woman’s uterus. I bugged out and had her drive me straight to the emergency room. Turns out, there was no condom in my uterus (it’s actually impossible). In fact, when I got home that afternoon and changed my sheets, I found it buried in my comforter.” —Katie, 29
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Bumps in the Night
“My boyfriend, Rich, and I thought it would be fun to use food during sex one night. We put an old sheet that we didn’t care about on the bed and pulled out a plethora of food products. We took turns covering each other with whipped cream, strawberries, and chocolate syrup and then licking it up. After our erotic food adventure, we were so exhausted that we ended up falling asleep on the dirty sheets.
In the middle of the night, I woke up feeling as if I had rolled around in poison ivy. I went into the bathroom to rinse off, but when I looked in the mirror, I saw that I had a red rash all over my body. I woke up my boyfriend, and we rushed to the ER, where a doctor told me I was having some sort of an allergic reaction. She kept asking what I had eaten that day or if I’d used a new product on my skin. As embarrassing as it was, I came clean. Apparently, the combination of foods and saliva had irritated my very sensitive skin. She gave me a prescription and sent me home, but the rash took a full week to go away.” —Joanna, 31
Sexy Smackdown
“T.J. and I had been dating for just over a month, and I was totally hot for him. Still, I thought it would be better if we held off on doing the deed until we knew each other better. But after weeks of waiting, I couldn’t take it anymore. So one night, after a really romantic dinner, I told him I had to have him right away. As soon as we got to his place, we were all over each other. The clothes were coming off at lightning speed, and we were frantic to get naked. After pulling his pants down to his ankles, I popped back up to kiss him. I guess he had been looking down at me, because when I stood up, my head smacked him right in the nose. He yelled out in pain as blood started spurting everywhere. I grabbed a whole bunch of paper towels, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Finally, we realized we had to get him to the hospital. My head butt had broken his nose. Thankfully, T.J. didn’t dump me after that disaster.” —Vanessa, 23
Park and Ride
“It was a really warm night, and my guy and I were walking through the park. There was no one else around, so we decided to find an out-of-the-way spot to get it on. We saw a bench that looked perfect. He sat down and I lifted my skirt and got on top. Well, the bench must have been on some sort of an incline, because in the middle of our sex session, it started to tip over. I fell backward off of my man and smacked my head on the concrete. When I came to, my guy was carrying me to the car. At the hospital, I ended up getting 12 stitches in my head. But on the plus side, my boyfriend gave me the royal treatment for the next week.” —Susie, 31
Bent Out of Shape
“My boyfriend, Chase, and I are into crazy positions, so every night is like another page out of the Kama Sutra. One night, I was straddling him in a chair and bouncing up and down when he slipped out. It all happened so fast: As I came back down, his erection smashed into my pubic bone. I heard something like a snap, and Chase began screaming in agony. I quickly jumped off of him, and he cried, ‘I think you broke my penis!’ I had no idea if that was possible, but his stuff was turning black-and-blue. I helped him to the car and then sped to the hospital. Unfortunately, our little collision had fractured his penis, and he needed to have surgery. Chase wouldn’t talk to me for weeks after the incident, but under the circumstances, I understood.” —Gretchen, 32
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Twisted Tryst
“I’m a very playful person, so my boyfriend and I are always wrestling and messing around with each other. A couple of months ago, while we were having sex, I decided to see just how flexible I was by bending my legs as far back as I could. My boyfriend was totally into it, so he started leaning on my legs to see how much more I could take. Well, that was a bad idea. All of a sudden, I felt a pop in my knee, followed by excruciating pain. When I looked down at my leg, it was clear that something wasn’t right, so we went to the ER. As it turned out, I had dislocated my knee. I thought it was pretty funny, but my boyfriend felt terrible.” —Carol, 24
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