This Is the #1 Worst Habit for Anxiety
Therapists explain why.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concern in the U.S. with over 40 million Americans living with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. While it’s natural to feel anxious before certain events, such as a big work meeting or a first date, people with an anxiety disorder feel worried on a regular basis. Often, there are physical symptoms too, such as a racing heart, sweating or digestive distress.
If you do experience anxiety regularly, it’s worth it to work with a therapist who can offer some ways to cope. (In some cases, prescription medication can also help.) Therapists who specialize in anxiety can work with you on creating lifestyle habits that can bring anxiety levels down (like deep breathing exercises, physical activity and even dietary changes.) They can also point out any habits that might be making your anxiety worse without you even knowing it. In fact, Leeor Gal, LMFT, a therapist and founder of The Therapy Gal, says that there’s one habit in particular she often sees that is the absolute worst for anxiety: avoidance. Not sure what avoidance is and how it can make anxiety worse? Keep reading for everything you need to know.
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Why Avoidance Is the Worst Habit for Anxiety
“Simply put, avoidance is when we do not do something based out of fear or because of a past bad experience,” Gal explains. Have you ever gotten food poisoning? If so, there’s a good chance that you avoid whatever food was the culprit–even if you see it on the menu at a completely different restaurant with a perfect food safety rating. Gal says that something similar can happen when it comes to an experience that has caused anxiety in the past. For example, if someone was in a car accident, they may start avoiding driving. Or if someone went through a horrible breakup, they may decide to never date again.
Lauren Rosen, LMFT, the founder and director of The Center for the Obsessed Mind, adds to this, saying that someone with a social anxiety disorder (which involves the fear of being negatively judged or evaluated by others), may avoid social events because they are too stressful; they want to avoid feeling anxious so they stay home. “Avoidance is essentially avoiding anything that gives you anxiety,” she says.
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On the surface, it can seem like a smart way to go. Why put yourself in a situation that might make you feel uncomfortable? While it may feel safe in your little bubble, both therapists say that it’s an extremely limiting way to live. “Take, for example, someone who is not willing to date because dating gives them anxiety. They could potentially be missing out on a fulfilling intimate relationship,” Rosen says. “For another example, consider someone with social anxiety. They may become isolated and lonely because they are avoiding going out,” she says.
“The thing about anxiety is that it doesn’t last forever. From a neurobiological perspective, the chemical response of an emotion only lasts about 90 seconds,” Rosen says. “Avoiding something because it can cause anxiety can limit life in a big way to avoid a feeling that [can be] very short-lived.”
Gal says that sometimes someone with anxiety might not even realize they are engaging in avoidant behaviors because they’ve become so much a part of their lives. “Sometimes, it can take a loved one [or therapist] calling it out and bringing it to their attention,” she says.
Gal says that avoidance can actually make anxiety worse because it perpetuates the myth that whatever situation someone is avoiding is something to be feared when, in actuality, it shouldn’t be. Rosen agrees, giving social anxiety as an example. She says that if someone always avoids social situations, there’s nothing contradicting the internalized message that social situations are always uncomfortable when in actuality they might have had a good time.
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How To Stop Avoidance Behavior and What To Do Instead
Both therapists say that the first step to breaking this habit is to recognize when you’re doing it. Again, this is when working with a therapist can come in handy. But maybe you know exactly what types of situations you avoid because even thinking about them makes your heart race. Now what? The answer: start small.
“Think of a scale between zero and 10 where zero is experiencing no anxiety and 10 is experiencing the most anxiety,” Gal says. “Create a step-by-step plan. If driving is a 10 on your scale, maybe start just by getting in the car and sitting there.” Or, sticking with social anxiety as an example, if going to a party is your all-out biggest fear, start to overcome your social anxiety by going to a place such as a grocery store or mall.
This step-by-step plan is called exposure therapy. Both therapists say that the reason why it’s so effective is that it helps correct the lies that anxiety can tell; lies that lead to avoiding situations that would likely otherwise be okay and even enjoyable.
Overcoming anxiety isn’t easy; both Gal and Rosen aren’t minimizing the very real and overwhelming feelings many experience because of anxiety. But, especially with the help of a therapist, it doesn’t have to hold you back. By putting an end to avoidance behavior, your life could open up in ways you never could have imagined before.
Next up, see 75 therapist-backed methods for calming anxiety.
Sources
Leeor Gal, LMFT, a therapist and founder of The Therapy Gal
Lauren Rosen, LMFT, the founder and director of The Center for the Obsessed Mind
