The 10 golden rules of air travel for families

Do parents have a clear responsibility to be in charge of their children throughout a flight? Or do fellow passengers owe parents a bit of support? Our etiquette expert gives the definitive ruling on how to travel as a family in the air. If you fail to follow this, you’ll risk being hated by everyone else.

1. Duty of care

It is essential that parents actually parent their children during the long, confined hours of a flight. Basic responsibilities include keeping an eye on them, moderating disruptive or annoying behaviour, pre-empting or soothing tantrums, and meeting boredom with activities and attention. Top on-board parenting no-nos include shouting (or swearing) at your children, disciplining with loud, empty threats or, worst of all, ordering a gin-in-a-tin, plugging into your device and tuning out while your kids run riot.

2. Clever timings

Well-travelled parents always board last. The lure of a clear aisle and empty overhead locker that comes with family-first boarding is tempting, but hang back. Why make your children stand in a queue or sit on the plane for longer than necessary? Get into your seats as late as comfortably possible, and the novelty and excitement of finally being on-board should prevent the nightmare scenario of boredom setting in before you’ve even left the tarmac.

3. Class consistency

Parents should never turn left and send their offspring right: your children are your responsibility, whatever their age, so travel in the same class of cabin. Neither crew nor other passengers should be forced to help your children; even older teenagers can lack the self-awareness required to be left unsupervised in such a close, intense environment (loud headphones, elbows out, excessive reclining of seats etc). If you can’t bear the thought of slumming it in economy, then fork out for flatbeds for the whole family.

4. Strategic seating

You family is your responsibility, so pay to reserve seats. Sitting apart will disturb fellow passengers if you need get out of your seat frequently, or try to communicate with a child from afar. Solo passengers should offer to swap – even if a seat allocation was paid for – as it is likely they will benefit from a move to a more peaceful place, free of fidgeting and fuss. Only the most insensitive of passengers would refuse to swap, and then overtly complain about an unsupervised child.

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5. Space management

Make children aware of their own on-board space boundaries, and ensure they disturb others as little as possible. Don’t let them constantly play with the recline button (it is not generally necessary for small children to recline their seat on a short journey), or put their tray table up and down excessively. Try to keep limbs under control – arms shouldn’t hog the armrest nor feet kick the seat in front. Manage your own space too: have snacks, drinks and entertainment easily accessible to avoid frantic scrabbling in bags or repeatedly accessing the overhead lockers.

6. Device decorum

Tablets are a family-flier’s best friend, so preload devices and relax screen-time rules. Headphones should be worn at all times and be inaudible to neighbours; listening to the tinny, muffled tones of someone else’s viewing is top of the list of irritations suffered by other passengers. If a child is too tiny even for child-safe headphones, then turn the sound off completely – the screen should still magically mesmerise.  

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7. On-board excursions

Children should stay in their seats as much as possible. A parent quietly walking the aisle to soothe a small baby is quite different to an inquisitive toddler running the length of the plane. Of course nature calls, so parents should accompany children to the loo and back. It goes without saying that nappy changes should never be done on the seat, no matter good your Pampers skills.

8. Helping hand

If meltdowns are spiralling and you’re struggling to cope, don’t be a martyr and turn down an offer of help. A sympathetic neighbour or kind member of cabin crew can provide a powerful distraction and bring instant relief to a stressful situation. A change of hands or smiling stranger can stun silence on even the most stubborn of tantrums. Be sure, however, that the helper is a willing volunteer – never force your children on unsuspecting passengers.

9. Drunk in charge

It may not be the children that are the most disruptive on the plane... If your flight is host to drunken passengers who are behaving inappropriately (swearing, intimidating behaviour, noise etc), then speak to a member of cabin crew; confronting them yourself might inflame a fragile situation. Parents should save excessive holiday tipples for the beach bar, or they might find themselves tipsy and ineffectively in charge of their brood.

10. Do your best

Children can be unpredictable in the most straightforward of scenarios, so flying with a family will always pose challenges. If others can see that you are self-aware and conscious of your children’s behaviour, then they should cut you some slack. Avoid over-apologising: you efforts are better placed in simply doing your best to manage the situation. Don’t forget, too, that it’s not just children on planes – seemingly civilised adults struggle not to annoy fellow passengers.

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Jo Bryant is an etiquette consultant and mother of two. jobryant.com