10 Phrases To Shut Down Workplace Gossip, According to Therapists
One coworker whispering gossip to another woman in the workplace
In high school, you might have dreamt of the day when everyone grew up and stopped gossiping.
Then, you entered the workforce and realized that gossip doesn't have age limits.
"Gossip can feel good in the moment because it is an easy way to feel connected to those around us, to vent our negative feelings and feel like part of the 'in crowd,'" says Dr. Kelsey M. Latimer, Ph.D., a psychologist with KML Psychological Services. "Those desires to be in the 'in crowd' don't go away simply because we graduate from high school."
Bummer, right? In the workplace, gossip can have some high-stakes consequences.
"It can create a negative workplace," says Dr. Elena Herrera, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist. "People are inevitably hurt by gossip, and they always find out in the long run. Reputations, credibility and relationships can get ruined. Another risk of gossip is that it reduces your professionalism and credibility."
Who wants any of the above? If your answer is, "Not me," read on. Psychologists share phrases to shut down workplace gossip without sacrificing decorum.
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Is Workplace Gossip Illegal?
Not necessarily, but the answer is complicated.
"Workplace gossip is not illegal but can have legal ramifications once it is exacerbated and released to the public," says Domenique Harrison, LMFT, the Racial Equity Therapist. "It can also facilitate distrust, disconnection and disillusionment among colleagues."
It's best not to need an answer to this question. Disengaging from workplace gossip can help.
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10 Phrases To Shut Down Workplace Gossip, According to Therapists
Here are some expert-backed ways to respectfully exit the workplace gossip chat.
1. "This conversation took a wrong turn, so I'm leaving. I don't want to take part in any kind of gossip."
Before chiming into workplace gossip, Dr. Herrera suggests asking yourself, "Do I want to be known as the office gossip or as someone competent and good at their job?"
This to-the-point phrase makes your answer crystal clear.
2. "I understand you are upset. Why don't you talk to the person directly instead of talking about them to others?"
Yes, you want to stop the gossip. However, work is still work, so Dr. Latimer stresses that it's important to maintain professionalism.
"Shutting down unprofessional behavior should be done in a respectful and professional way," Dr. Latimer says. "Use assertive yet respectful communication."
This phrase gives a nod to a gossiper's feelings while providing an actionable tip for solving a problem.
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3. "Let’s not talk about someone who isn’t present to share their perspective."
Harrison says that some of the best responses to workplace gossip highlight the need to show compassion for others. This phrase reminds people a person isn't around to defend themselves.
4. "You might have a lot of reasons to be upset, but I am concerned with how you are handling it. Our policy says..."
While workplace gossip isn't always illegal, it can go against company policy.
"Some companies these days are aware of how toxic and unprofessional workplace gossip is such that they are addressing workplace culture and expectations directly in the contract," Dr. Latimer says. "Know what you are signing and what your company expects of you."
Not a contractor? Check the handbook, especially if you signed it when you started or the company updated it. Either way, these "fine lines" are easy things to point to in awkward workplace gossip situations.
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5. "I don't feel comfortable talking about so and so behind their back."
Workplace gossip can feel harmless and even good for some. However, Dr. Herrera says it can make people very uncomfortable, especially if it's constant.
"For example, when I hear gossip, I wonder to myself if I'm being talked about when I'm not around," Dr. Herrera says. "This creates suspicion. In addition, gossip prevents close, trusting relationships with colleagues."
6. "I understand you might not like XYZ person, but we are all on the same team."
Dr. Latimer says that respect is key to building a positive workplace culture for everyone, and sometimes, saying nothing is about as bad as gossiping.
"It is very important to shut down negativity because if you are a bystander to this and do not do anything, that is often seen as agreeing," Dr. Latimer says.
7. "Can I help you find a space and time for an open dialogue?"
Harrison loves this phrase because it helps someone who is gossiping problem-solve and promotes growth rather than making the person feel attacked.
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8. "This conversation is causing more harm than good. I’d like to change the subject."
Harrison suggests this phrase because it stops a conversation, allowing you to help "preserve the stories of work community members and the larger work community."
9. "Let’s discuss this with your manager. If you have this issue, maybe others do too. It would be great to solve this collaboratively."
Like No. 7, this phrase leans into taking productive action instead of engaging in toxic complaining and gossip.
10. "I'm walking away because there's gossip occurring."
Sometimes, it's best to let your feet do the talking. You can intentionally state this phrase, which Dr. Herrera recommends. However, you can also just...exit.
"You can simply walk away if you don't want to listen," Dr. Herrera says.
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3 Other Tips for Shutting Down Workplace Gossip
1. Check the handbook
Companies have different policies on workplace gossip, including how to report or handle it.
"Always refer back to your company policy handbook," Dr. Latimer says. "You are responsible for what you sign, so you need to know how the company expects its employees to manage conflicts. Often, there is a chain of command policy or operational procedure that is expected to be used."
2. Gain perspective
It can be hard to resist the urge to gossip, or you might find yourself frustrated with the people engaging in it. Take a step back and think about the root causes.
"Gossip fulfills an unmet intimacy need for individuals feeling stuck, unresourced, unseen or unheard in their workplace," Harrison says. "When people can’t access other strategies to reconnect to their work community, gossip quickly becomes a go-to method."
Harrison recommends identifying techniques that help you meet your personal needs. Perhaps you need to mute notifications after work hours if Slack channels blow up with gossip (or memes) during your standing dinner date with a partner. Or, you may need to discuss email boundaries with a boss so you don't have to be constantly plugged in.
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3. Be positive
A positive workplace is less likely to have rampant gossip. Be a part of creating one.
"Celebrating one another’s goals, accomplishments and successes in the larger work community will make more folks feel part of the company rather than isolated," Harrison says. "Whether weekly, monthly or seasonal, having a space dedicated to memorializing individual and team skills, strategies and wins builds community rapport, trust, and harmony."
Next: 17 Phrases To Respond to Constructive Criticism, According to Psychologists
Sources
Dr. Kelsey M. Latimer, Ph.D., a psychologist with KML Psychological Services
Domenique Harrison, LMFT, the Racial Equity Therapist
