10 Ways To Become Someone Who Avoids Negativity, According to Psychologists
Positive and happy woman
Recent times have changed our approach to mental health, shaking the stigma of getting help and reminding people that all feelings are valid, even negative ones.
That's a good thing—especially since triggers are often beyond our control.
"When we find ourselves caught in a web of negativity, it's often not by choice but rather a result of circumstances and experiences that have shaped our worldview," says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Duality Psychological Services. "All too often, negative thinking patterns stem from past traumas or ongoing stressful life situations...These thought patterns can feel like a protective armor, helping us brace for disappointment or failure."
Yet, this protective armor is something of a red herring. If you consistently find yourself in a negative mindset, psychologists say it's worth looking into why.
"Negativity often holds us back from reaching our full potential and experiencing joy and fulfillment in life," Dr. Frank explains.
Can someone altogether avoid negativity? At the risk of sounding pessimistic, no.
"It may not be possible to entirely avoid negativity as this is a common experience for all of us," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "However, balance is the key to this, and avoiding negativity does not mean you always have to be positive."
Likewise, having negative thoughts doesn't mean they have to live rent-free in your head 24/7. Psychologists provided tips for avoiding (or at least significantly reducing) the negativity in your life.
Related: 10 Phrases To Shut Down Workplace Gossip, According to Therapists
Avoiding Negativity vs. Toxic Positivity
"You got this!"
Yeah, no thanks.
Toxic positivity phrases and the Rosie the Riveter memes that inspire them can be harmful. However, psychologists say avoiding negativity is not the same as copping a "good vibes only" mindset. In fact, a constant negative doom-and-gloom outlet and the idea that the only side is the bright side actually have more in common than you might think.
"Trying to 'look on the bright side of life' is not any more balanced or realistic than the negative thoughts," says Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., of Veritas Psychology Partners. "I advocate for a much more balanced or accurate approach. Sometimes things are genuinely hard. It's OK to acknowledge this and still stay out of negativity."
Toxic positivity insists you deny these truths, which separates it from an attempt to avoid negativity.
"Avoiding negativity is about consciously shifting one's focus from the negative aspects of life to the positive ones, but it still acknowledges the existence of negative emotions and experiences," Dr. Frank says. "It's about developing a healthier perspective on life, where we allow ourselves to experience and express a full range of emotions before ultimately guiding ourselves back toward positivity."
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How To Stop Being Negative, According to Psychologists
1. Lead with gratitude
Dr. MacBride says that gratitude is always the first tip she gives to people trying to nix negative thought patterns and influences.
"Sure, there are hard moments, but there is good in life too. You have to be intentional about looking for [what you're grateful for]," Dr. MacBride explains.
Dr. Frank says journaling can help.
"Writing down what you're thankful for daily can help shift your focus from negative events to positive ones," Dr. Frank says. "This daily practice reinforces positive thinking and helps cultivate a more optimistic outlook on life."
Related: Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude With These 101 Things To Be Thankful For
2. Maintain perspective
Hard moments can shock us—a report you thought you crushed being returned by a boss littered with edits and harsh criticism. Breathe. This situation does not define you.
"Whenever you feel yourself sliding into negativity or being influenced by others' negativity, take a moment to maintain your perspective," says Dr. Lira de la Rosa. "When we maintain our perspective, we are able to take a more logical and rational approach to what we are experiencing."
When logic wins, Dr. Lira de la Rosa says people feel more balanced and avoid the pitfalls of negativity.
3. Set and maintain boundaries
Ditch energy zombies and boost your optimism by putting up some firm guardrails.
"If you notice that there are some individuals who are draining your energy because of their negative outlook, it is OK to set and maintain healthy boundaries with them," says Dr. Lira de la Rosa, who adds that boundaries might be cutting down on time spent with certain people or simply saying "no."
Boundaries can look like saying no to people, avoiding spending time with them, or simply not interacting with others.
Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros
4. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is an often-recommended way to cope with stress, but psychologists say there's a good reason for it. When it works, it really works.
"Mindfulness keeps you focused on the moment, instead of being negative, which is likely living in the past with a regret or resentment or in the future, which is a fear of something that hasn’t happened yet," Dr. MacBride says. "The present moment is the only moment that really exists."
5. Physical exercise
Moving your body can affect your mind.
"Regular physical activity is known to release hormones in your body, like endorphins, that help regulate mood," Dr. Frank says. "This can uplift your mood and act as a natural remedy against negativity."
6. Start your day with affirmations
Your voice matters most, so speak kindly with it—to yourself.
"Start your day by affirming positive statements about yourself and your life," Dr. Frank says. "This can help to reprogram your subconscious mind and cultivate a positive self-image."
7. Surround yourself with positive people
"You are the company you keep" sounds cliche. However, Dr. MacBride says it's a good phrase to keep in mind if you're trying to cut down on negativity.
"We are influenced by the company we keep," Dr. MacBride says. "One way to increase your positive outlook is to ditch the negative friends and be intentional about hanging out with people who have a brighter outlook."
This tip extends beyond IRL interactions.
"Limit negative news or social media exposure," Dr. Frank says.
The unfollow button exists for a reason.
8. Consider flipping a "no" to a "yes"
Sometimes, saying no is a form of self-care that can help us stay positive (see: boundaries). Other times, Dr. MacBride says it's worth considering giving something a go. Instead of saying, "No," try, "Is there a way I can get to a yes on this?"
For example, maybe instead of "No, I can't hang out with you" it's, "I have more bandwidth next week. Are you free?
"While the immediate outcome might be the same, your attitude can start to change," Dr. MacBride says.
Related: 15 Phrases to Politely Decline an Invite Without Offending the Person
9. Get in touch with your inner empath
You cannot entirely avoid negativity. However, you can control your long-term reaction to it. Empathy is a useful tool, especially if the negative influence is external.
"Empathy involves putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and having compassion for the way they are engaging with you as a way to protect yourself from negativity," says Dr. Lira de la Rosa. "When we can have empathy for others, we may avoid feeling negatively towards them."
Related: 35 Simple, Sincere Phrases To Express Empathy, According to Therapists
10. Celebrate small wins
If negativity is your default, you likely won't turn into a ray of sunshine tomorrow. Also, progress may not be linear, and you may find yourself confronted with and backsliding into negative thought patterns. Be sure to give yourself grace too, and acknowledge improvements—no matter how small.
"Instead of being negative and assuming that nothing changes or no progress has been made, look for even the smallest changes and be intentional about acknowledging or even celebrating those," Dr. MacBride says.
How Can I Be Unaffected by Negativity?
It's impossible, and trying to be unaffected by negativity can exacerbate difficult moments.
"It is common for many of us to wish that we could be unaffected by negativity," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "However, this is not possible because, as human beings, we will experience a range of emotions, and this includes the negative ones ones. While you cannot ever be completely unaffected by negativity, it is possible to reduce the effects of negativity."
While reducing negativity's effects will look different for everyone, physical exercise, affirmation, mindfulness and leading with gratitude can all help.
Next, 16 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists
Sources
Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Duality Psychological Services
Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation
Dr. Gayle MacBride, Ph.D., of Veritas Psychology Partners
