11 Best Phrases To Use When Canceling Plans, According to Etiquette Experts
Woman canceling plans while texting her friend
Sometimes, life happens, and even the best-laid plans have to get canceled. Whether bailing on a wedding or happy hour, canceling doesn't feel great to you, and it may be especially disappointing to the person on the receiving end.
"When you cancel, you have taken up someone else’s time, energy and effort," says Jodi Smith, the president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting.
It's blunt but true. Still, how to handle the cancellation—namely, the words you use—can soften the blow and salvage a relationship.
"It is important to know how to cancel plans respectfully because respect is all about consideration towards others," says Laura Windsor, a UK-based etiquette expert and founder of Laura Windsor Etiquette & Protocol Academy. "Think if the tables were turned—how would you like someone to cancel plans on you?"
What can you say when you feel bad but genuinely do need to cancel plans? Experts shared a blueprint, plus 11 phrases to use when canceling plans.
Related: 11 Best Phrases to Close an Email, Plus the #1 Way You *Don’t* Want to End Your Message
General Rules for Canceling Plans
1. Do it ASAP
It's tempting to delay the conversation and avoid disappointing a friend or family member. However, experts share canceling at the last minute is pretty much the worst way to cancel (barring emergencies).
"The cancellation should be as soon as possible—as soon as you find out you cannot attend," says Karen Thomas, an etiquette educator.
2. Call the person
Texting is a quick way to break the news—and it doesn't require actually talking to a person. However, Thomas says a phone call is the better route.
"I suggest doing it [via] a phone call so the other party can hear the sincerity in your voice," Thomas says.
3. Follow a basic script
Experts will get specific with phrases. However, generally, you want to hit on a few points when backing out of plans.
"Be sure to express regret, give basic information if necessary and be brief," Smith says. "You can have a longer conversation when you reschedule or call to hear all about what happened."
11 Phrases To Use When Canceling Plans
1. "I am so sorry I have to cancel. I wanted to let you know as soon as possible."
Smith likes this phrase because it expresses regret and is (hopefully) an accurate indicator that you dragged your feet (potentially causing them to include you in a final head count and commit to paying for your plate that will go uneaten).
2. "I just received some unexpected news, and unfortunately..."
Nick Leighton, cohost of the etiquette and manners-focused podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?, recommends this brief, apologetic phrase. Leighton says it's applicable in multiple situations, including personal, professional, informal coffee dates and larger parties.
3. "I’m terribly sorry, but I have a conflict in my schedule..."
Windsor says this phrase is more formal and best for business settings.
"There is no need to give a reason," Windsor says. "You can always get your secretary to cancel for you, but it is always a sign of good manners and professionalism if you do it yourself, especially if it is an important client. It shows leadership and competence."
4. "I must change my RSVP to a no for your upcoming wedding."
Thomas says this phrase is best followed by, "I am truly sorry for the short notice. However, I wanted to reach out as soon as I was made aware." Combined, this script is to the point, apologetic and indicates respect for the person's potential head-count woes.
5. “I feel so terrible about this, but…”
Leighton backs this phrase that goes heavy on regret.
"The key is to just apologize first, be sincere about it and explain why you’re canceling on your host," Leighton says.
6. "I cannot attend as I have a previous engagement for that exact date and time."
Thomas likes this phrase for business meeting cancelations—particularly ones done via email.
"Professionalism is key in any business situation," Thomas says.
Thomas suggests following this phrase with: "I am happy to receive an update of the meeting highlights afterward if you are so inclined."
One thing to leave out: Emojis.
"They are not acceptable in the business arena," Thomas says.
Related: 15 Phrases to Respectfully Disagree Without Lying
7. "Due to unforeseen circumstances, I have had to cancel the dinner at my place on....Apologies."
It's your party. You can cancel if you want to? Windsor says it's still important to take a kind approach. She suggests calling each guest, especially if the event was formal.
8. "I cannot make our meeting due to an unexpected conflict that has arisen."
Thomas recommends this phrase for canceled client meetings in which salvaging the relationship is paramount.
"Your reply may make or break a business deal, and it is difficult to repair damage once things go awry," Thomas says. "I suggest one call the client directly to offer not only the cancellation but a new date or time to meet in that same call. If you use email, offer another date as well via that mode."
9. "I have been working extended hours and am totally exhausted."
Thomas suggests this approach when taking a mental health day instead of attending a party.
"A call is best to offer a sincere apology for backing out and be forthcoming with your why," Thomas says, adding that a gift within a week of backing out shows good manners.
10. "I was so looking forward to seeing you. I will reach out to reschedule as soon as I am feeling better."
Smith likes this phrase because it offers regret, a reason (sickness) and a promise to reschedule.
11. "I'm sick and don't want to get others sick."
Who can argue with this one? Thomas stresses that if you have the voice, it's best to use it to make a call since this cancelation will likely be last-minute.
Related: 10 Phrases for Reaching Out to Someone When It's Been Too Long
What *Not* To Say When Canceling Plans
Don't lie.
"When canceling, be truthful and brief—no need to lie," Smith advises.
Thomas agrees.
"Don't lie, be truthful and make it a point to reschedule immediately," she says.
Still, as a singer once crooned, you don't have to be so casually cruel in the name of being honest.
"One thing to never say when canceling plans is 'I simply do not care to attend,'" Thomas says. "While this may be the actual case, as a form of civility, refrain from being so blunt and offer an excuse — not a bald-faced lie — as to why you are not attending."
Sources
Jodi Smith, president and owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting
Laura Windsor, UK-based etiquette expert and founder of Laura Windsor Etiquette & Protocol Academy
Karen Thomas, etiquette educator
Nick Leighton, cohost of the etiquette and manners-focused podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?
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