11 Phrases That Emotionally Immature People Often Say, According to Mental Health Experts

Two emotionally immature people having an argument

“I know you are, but what am I!” “I’m rubber, you’re glue!” These are a couple of comeback phrases that many of us know all too well from our childhoods, but what if these types of comments continue way into adulthood? Perhaps your partner tends to retort with emotionally immature comments during a disagreement, or a snippy friend isn’t showing the cool and calm control that should come with being an adult.

As frustrating as these situations are, you more than likely still love and care about the childish individuals in your life. Mental health experts shared with Parade 11 phrases that emotionally immature people often say. It can help to be aware of their signature catchphrases so you can turn the tide of the conversation to be more civil and mature. And it can help to know why they are being this way.

Related: 15 Signs You're Married to an Emotionally Unavailable Husband, According to Experts

What Are Some Signs That Someone Might Be Emotionally Immature?

“There are a series of characteristics that often highlight an individual’s immaturity,” says Dean Aslinia, Ph.D., LPC, NCC, Associate Dean at the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Phoenix. “These often start with someone’s inability to be accountable or accept responsibility for their mistakes. These individuals often also lack empathy and often disregard others' feelings.”

Aslinia goes on to say that the focus for an emotionally immature individual usually revolves around winning and blaming others for any challenges that might appear along the way. He adds that an immature person is often self-consumed, demands attention and wants everything to be about them.

“As a result, they often have a tendency to personalize events and create unnecessary drama if things do not flow their way,” he says. 

Ariel Williams, LCSW at Grow Therapy, a provider-centric mental health group improving access to high-quality mental healthcare, says that emotionally immature people leave a lot to be desired in the communication department as well—especially since they sometimes will avoid people, issues or environments that may require them to act their age or display appropriate behaviors or communication skills.

Related: 11 Common Signs You're 'Parenting' Your Partner, According to Psychologists

Possible Reasons for Emotional Immaturity

“If someone is emotionally immature as an adult, it is likely they have not learned how to be aware of or regulate their emotions,” observes Dr. Taryn Greene, Director of Research at the Boulder Crest Foundation. “Emotional awareness involves being able to recognize feelings as they come up, while emotional regulation involves being able to process and release feelings on purpose before responding to others or situations. If emotional awareness and regulation weren’t modeled for us early and often in home or school environments, we can find ourselves lacking in emotional maturity.”

Williams points out that at times, people may stop growing emotionally due to trauma at a certain age. 

“For instance, some may experience parental neglect in some way and may never advance emotionally from the age of neglect. Others may be raised by emotionally immature parents who were unable to provide appropriate examples,” she says.

Related: 7 Warning Signs You're in a Codependent Relationship, According to a Therapist

Negative Outcomes

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature, or have a close friend you’d identify this way, it can sometimes feel like a struggle, dealing with feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness and frustration.

Williams says that you may feel like you have to walk on eggshells when you’re around this person, out of fear of doing or saying anything that may cause the person to shut down or have an “adult temper tantrum.”

“People who lack emotional maturity tend to act on impulses—especially impulses fueled by negative emotions, like anger, guilt, shame and feelings of embarrassment,” Dr. Greene says. “These types of impulsive behaviors can include things like crying or yelling when they don’t get their way, resorting to physical confrontation or violence, giving the silent treatment, talking down to someone rather than listening or name-calling. Being treated in these ways is often very hurtful for the receiving party.”

That’s why it can be key to recognize typical phrases said by someone who is emotionally immature. These are your signals to temper down the argument or conversation and attempt to talk as adults.

Related: 35 Phrases To Disarm a Narcissist and Why They Do the Trick, According to Therapists

11 Phrases That Emotionally Immature People Often Say

1. “It’s not my fault.”

Aslinia says that this phrase is a classic example of someone who lacks maturity.

“Their inability to accept responsibility will always result in them attempting to blame others,” he says. “It’s advisable for the mature individual in these interactions to be able to set boundaries for these individuals so they realize they must accept responsibility for their failures.”

2. “You’re always bringing up old stuff.”

This phrase is often said to “deflect from the fact that the issue has never been properly addressed by the emotionally immature person,” as Williams says. “This is a tactic to make the other party feel like a nag.”

3. “They made me/told me to do it.”

As another common phrase uttered by emotionally immature people, Aslinia says that this again touches upon an inability to accept responsibility. “Here, teaching responsibility is the key to either fixing this issue or enabling it further,” Aslinia notes.

Related: 35 Powerful Phrases When You Need Emotional and Spiritual Repair and Relief

4. “If you don’t _____, I’m going to _____.”

Dr. Greene says that emotionally immature people may threaten people verbally, which can unfortunately lead to physical violence.

“This can happen because they do not know other ways to express themselves or because they do not have effective communication skills,” she says. “This can put others on guard, so that others are willing to placate them.”

5. “I'm perfectly fine—you have the issue."

Williams says that this phrase is meant to make the other party feel like they are the only one feeling bothered or upset. “It’s a gaslighting tactic,” she adds.

6. “I did what I needed to—now it’s your turn.”

“Sometimes these individuals—realizing that the going is going to get more tough—will pull away and call it quits when the rest of the team is not ready,” Aslinia says. “Both attempting to secure their ‘win’ and also to proactively blame others before events even conclude.”

In this situation, Aslinia recommends pulling the individual aside and having an assertive conversation about teamwork and collective responsibility, even if things don’t work out.

7. “I just won’t talk to you.”

Otherwise known as: the silent treatment. Williams says that this phrase is said to avoid the issue.

“And sometimes the emotionally immature person won't say this at all,” Williams says. “They may just stop responding or isolate themselves.”

8. “I just won’t pay attention to you.”

Dr. Greene says that emotionally immature individuals might withhold attention until they get what they want.

“This is likely because they see it as their right to control others, stemming from not having developed a sense of mutual respect for others,” she says. “This can cause others to feel insecure and uncomfortable or to develop a tendency to cave to the pressure, especially if it feels important to avoid conflict.”

Related: 35 Phrases To Set Boundaries Firmly and Fairly, According to Mental Health Pros

9. “It’s _____’s fault.”

Generally, emotionally immature people may “aggressively blame others” for the negative situations they’re experiencing and not see their part in it nor their ability to fix it, as Dr. Greene says.

10. “Well, then, I’m going to hurt myself.”

Sadly, according to Dr. Greene, an emotionally immature person may eventually go so far as to threaten self-harm or use other manipulative language (i.e. a guilt trip) to make someone feel guilty for how they’re feeling. If it gets to this point, this is the time to encourage the individual to speak to a therapist or join a self-harm support group.

11. Crying or yelling

While this isn’t an exact phrase, Dr. Greene says that emotionally immature people might cry or yell in response to frustration.

“They likely do this because they have had the experience of often not feeling heard, and because they do not know how to listen to or hear others,” she says. “This can have the ironic effect of further alienating others—despite desiring closeness and connection with others.”

Note: If you find yourself in a physically violent situation with your partner, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

Next up, discover 15 phrases to end an argument.

Sources

• Dean Aslinia, Ph.D., LPC, NCC, Associate Dean at the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences at the University of Phoenix.

• Ariel Williams, LCSW at Grow Therapy.

• Dr. Taryn Greene, Director of Research at the Boulder Crest Foundation