11 Phrases That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Woman feeling lonely sitting on a bed looking out the window
Loneliness is an epidemic, and its impact is devastating. That was the overarching message when Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy called for action for what he referred to as a "public health crisis" in May. And while you might think the lingering effects of COVID-19 are to blame, Dr. Murthy noted that about half of U.S. adults were experiencing loneliness even before the pandemic.
That being said, it's not always blatantly obvious when a person is feeling this isolation or experiencing depression. To help figure it out, we have 11 of the most common phrases that signal a person's lonely, according to psychologists.
"It is important to note that it is possible to feel lonely even when someone is in a crowd of people because it is a complex emotional state rather than a physical proximity to people," says Dr. Casey Tallent, Ph.D., the Pathlight Mood & Anxiety Center director of collegiate and telehealth partnerships.
Dr. Murthy called for increased support in health systems, workplaces and more. But psychologists say understanding loneliness red flags can help you help a loved one. These phrases are signs a person is lonely—even if they aren't explicitly saying it.
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Why It's Important To Notice Loneliness
You can't help what you don't know.
"Awareness can help with empathy and understanding how you can be there for someone," explains Reena B. Patel, a positive psychologist and a licensed educational board-certified behavior analyst. "Once you are aware someone is lonely, you can help and act on this by making an effort to include them and check in on them."
Dr. Tallent shares similar sentiments. "Understanding when someone might be exhibiting signs of loneliness could potentially help them get the support they need before it develops into depression, anxiety, or suicidal ideation," she says.
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11 Phrases That Signal a Person's Lonely, According to Psychologists
Here are some of the most common ways a person may be saying "I'm lonely."
1. "I’m lonely."
While some people may be more subtle, others will outright tell you how they are feeling. Each approach is valid, and Dr. Tallent advises friends and family to take this straightforward confession seriously.
"Once someone says this, listen and ask them what would help them feel more connected and help them do that instead of just offering suggestions," Dr. Tallent says.
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2. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."
It may be plausible, but the underlying reason for this fatigue could be loneliness.
"This is a great indicator that the person is struggling and feelings of tired might actually indicate emotional fatigue and sadness," Patel explains.
3. "I need some friends."
You may especially hear this phrase during the holiday and summer party seasons.
"Each party, each social setting, and each holiday card can be a reminder of what someone doesn’t have," Dr. Tallent says.
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4. "What are you doing this weekend?"
Sometimes, Dr. Tallent says, this question is just a friendly one—perhaps one that precedes an invite. Other times, it's an alarm bell that a pal is feeling isolated.
"It might also be a way for someone to fish for an invitation without appearing to do so," she shares. "If someone asks you what you are doing, and you have room or space in your schedule to include them, consider inviting them to come along."
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5. "Are you doing anything today?"
A variation on No. 4, Patel says this phrase could be a person's way of trying to connect.
6. "I never have plans.”
Dr. Tallent says this phrase signals that a person wishes they had a busier social calendar.
"Invite this person along on even mundane tasks if you are able," she recommends.
For example, she suggests saying, "I’m going to grab dinner and go grocery shopping later if you want to join?"
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7. "I am bored."
These three words can be a powerful admission of loneliness.
"They are outright telling you they have nothing to do and are seeking plans," Patel says. "Someone who is not doing anything but content wouldn't label that as bored."
8. “No one cares about me.”
Dr. Tallent says this phrase is one to take seriously.
"This is a red alarm that someone is feeling lonely and that they aren’t cared for," she explains. "Ask what would make them feel cared for, and try to help them move in that direction."
You may want to also recommend therapy.
Related: 16 Signs You're Losing a Friend—Plus, How To Cope, According to a Therapist
9. "No one would notice if I wasn’t here."
This phrase is a sign a person is in distress.
"This statement is definitely a red flag and is commonly a silent call for help," Dr. Tallent warns. "Listen. This is a signal that someone is experiencing depression, and therapy would be an excellent resource."
Importantly, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline number is 988 and provides free, confidential support 24/7 in English and Spanish.
10. “I am busy with work."
This phrase could be genuine, but some people use work to mask loneliness.
"They are diving into something else that might side-track them from their feelings," Patel says.
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11. "I don’t feel well. I’m just going to go home."
Sick happens, but if a person is chronically leaving early due to illness, it may be worth digging deeper (if you feel comfortable).
"Missing plans, being sick often and leaving abruptly can all be signs that someone is experiencing loneliness," Dr. Tallent explains. "Check in on these individuals and ask what they would like to do."
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3 Ways To Help Someone Experiencing Loneliness
1. Listen
It's tempting to want to solve the problem, but Dr. Tallent says listening is often the best way to go.
"First, I always recommend listening to what someone is feeling and what they think could help," she explains.
From there, you might help them get involved in something they enjoy, such as pointing them to the website for a local animal shelter if they want to start walking homeless pups.
Related: How To Nurture Friendships Over Age 50, According to Psychologists
2. Encourage social media breaks
Social media is supposed to connect us to people anywhere, anytime, but Dr. Tallent says the opposite is often true. "Social media can contribute to feelings of loneliness, so encourage your friend/family member to take a social media break," she shares.
Help the person by scheduling offline meet-ups or phone calls.
3. Follow up
You may have devised a plan that you felt was promising. However, Dr. Tallent says that working through loneliness can take more than one conversation.
"It takes a lot of mental space to take action when you are feeling lonely, so check in with them often and try to support them in getting connected with resources," she recommends.
Next: 14 Phrases to Instantly Lift Someone’s Spirits, According to a Therapist
