11 Small Things That Happy, Healthy Couples Always Do, According to a Therapist
Happy couple holding hands on the couch
Happy marriages seem to equal a happy heart, with studies showing that the absence of marital stress typically leads to better cardiovascular health outcomes. If it’s built on trust, honesty and compassion, you’ve got a good chance at a long-lasting relationship—but how you regularly interact with your partner matters too. That's why it's important to highlight some of the small things happy couples do. As a therapist, I've seen a lot of the habits firsthand that make a big difference.
In today’s dating world, where swiping right equals a potential love connection, establishing a solid foundation for a relationship has gotten more complicated. After the COVID-19 pandemic, multiple organizations reported increases in intimate partner violence and unhealthy relationships. On top of this, being in an unhealthy relationship has more consequences than you might think. Research shows that marital conflict can cause longer recovery times for heart attacks, a slower wound-healing process, and worsened physical and mental health.
While you don’t have to be the perfect partner daily, prioritizing caring for your partner is one step toward nurturing a strong, long-lasting bond with them. However, you must do this with intention. So what small things do happy, healthy couples always do to keep their love and connection thriving? Let's dive in.
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11 Small Things Happy, Healthy Couples Always Do
1. Have check-in periods
Have you ever wondered what your partner was thinking and either assumed or never asked about it? It probably caused problems or something worse. Having regular check-in periods with your partner eliminates the awkward conflict that comes with assuming that your relationship is fine, but it’s really not. These check-ins also help you develop emotional intelligence, giving you more insight into how to appropriately approach and handle problems—changing your mindset from “me” to “we.”
2. Show gratitude
Expressing appreciation and gratitude to your partner is vital to maintaining a solid foundation in your relationship. It’s even more critical for long-term, committed relationships or marriage. By showing your partner you’re thankful for what they do for you, you encourage healthy, open and positive communication. But did you know it also boosts your mood and health?
A 2021 Harvard Health study shows that gratitude increased the positive feelings that partners had toward each other. However, simply saying “thank you” isn’t enough to make this happen. Small acts of kindness like making your partner a cup of coffee, packing their lunch for work or helping them with a project are all examples of going beyond expressing verbal gratitude.
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3. Remember each other’s favorite things
It’s a Monday, and you’ve had a long, stressful day at work. You walk in the door and notice your partner has bought your favorite flowers and ordered Chinese takeout, a meal that always makes you feel better. Remembering each other’s favorite things is one of the smallest yet most effective ways that happy, healthy couples participate in their relationships. When you take the initiative to pay attention to even minuscule things brought up in casual conversation, it lets your partner know you’re thinking of them even when they aren’t aware.
4. Support their dreams, goals and aspirations
Being in a committed relationship means signing up to support your partner in life. While you’d think this would be an expected priority in relationships, we typically view goals and aspirations as individual pursuits rather than ones we do with others. But when you support your partner in their dreams, goals or aspirations, it demonstrates your commitment to their happiness and personal growth and that you genuinely care about their future.
The Gottman Institute, founded by relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, speaks about this in a blog post featured in their archive of resources, stating, “The opportunity to be an active participant in your partner’s life dreams is a truly amazing opportunity to foster connections, find shared meaning, and create memories of trust, fondness, and appreciation.”
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5. Talk about finances
Money is one of the most common reasons why married couples get divorced. Contributing to almost half of all divorces in the U.S., it’s clear that finances are a point of contention in relationships. The more you can talk about money with your partner, the better because it builds trust and helps you both create a healthy financial mindset. It’s also a great topic to bring up during a weekly check-in.
6. Show affection
Intimacy means something different to everyone, but no matter what it means to you, showing it to your partner is part of having a healthy relationship. Affection is one way you can be intimate in a casual way. Identifying your and your partner’s love language can give you an idea of the best ways to show affection and is something you can easily do on a date night. For example, you can read the book or take the quiz online and discuss what you find over dinner. But whether you hug and kiss your partner or say “I love you,” showing affection is one of the small things that signify a happy couple.
7. Pay attention in and out of conversations
Between work, school, kids, hobbies and the happenings of everyday life, it’s hard to make time for everything you need to do. Despite being busy, part of a relationship is paying close attention when your partner’s talking—just like you would with anyone else.
And even though there are plenty of times when you might feel bored, annoyed or frustrated with your partner and zone out while they’re talking, focusing on what they’re saying helps you to remember it for later. It’s in these seemingly mundane moments that you can truly connect and understand one another. With intention, small acts of consideration like practicing active listening reaffirm your commitment to your partner and nurture your bond with them.
Related: 7 of the Most Common Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced, According to Relationship Therapists
8. Have something positive to say
Being around a “Debbie downer” doesn’t do much for your mental health, much less your relationship. We’ve all been around someone who never seems to have anything positive to say and has a negative outlook on life. Now, imagine if this was your partner’s attitude. Sounds pretty miserable, right?
It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s normal to be frustrated (or any other negative emotion) with your partner or just to have a bad day. Still, a bad attitude shouldn’t be something you make a habit of bringing into your relationship. When you always have something positive to say about your partner, even in the most negative situations, it brings a sense of unity between you—solidifying the bond you’ve worked so hard to build. One way to do this is by making a point to end a fight on something positive you admire or appreciate about your partner.
9. Respect each other’s space
When you’re in a new relationship with someone, it’s a time filled with excitement and fun. That’s why it’s called the “honeymoon period.” Hopefully, happy times with your partner will continue, but it is necessary to set boundaries like respecting each other’s space so you can maintain individuality in the relationship. Some ways you can do this are avoiding constant texting, forcing an explanation after a fight and respecting their request for space. If possible, have separate areas of the home where you can have alone time.
Related: 13 Things To Never Do After a Fight With Your Partner, According to a Therapist
10. Participate in common interests
While individuality is important, you should also actively engage in shared interests and activities with your partner. Whether you explore a hobby you both enjoy, travel to cities on your bucket list, or cook your favorite meal, take the initiative to spend quality time with the person you love to maintain a healthy relationship. In 2019, a lack of compatibility was one of the top reasons couples divorced—making it no secret that participating in common interests is something happy, healthy couples should do.
11. Put down their phones
In today’s world, you won’t see someone without their phone. Teens are usually the ones accused of being glued to their phones, scrolling Facebook when they’re supposed to be paying attention in class. However, having a phone addiction can cause major problems in your relationship. There’s even a term for it, "phubbing," which is when you ignore the people you’re with to pay attention to your phone instead. And, believe it or not, I’ve had couple’s sessions where the entire conversation revolves around one partner’s intrusive cell phone use. Start putting away your phone and be present with your partner to create a happier, healthier relationship.
Next: 7 Forgiveness Phrases To Share With Someone, According to a Therapist
