12 Signs You Should Fire Your Therapist—From a Licensed Therapist
Have you recently started therapy but aren’t thrilled with your experience? Or do you feel like you’re not progressing and meeting your goals as you hoped? Either way, it might indicate that you need a new therapist. And that's totally OK—as a licensed therapist myself, I want to stress that it’s normal and important for patients to switch therapists if they don't feel like their current care provider is a good fit.
The relationship between a therapist and a client is one of the most influential factors for the motivation to participate, attend, and ultimately graduate from therapy. Because of this, take the time to regularly evaluate how things are going in your sessions. Do you feel safe to express your thoughts and feelings during therapy? If not, it might be a sign you should fire your therapist.
Jonathan van Ness, a member of the Fab Five on Netflix’s Queer Eye, describes the therapeutic relationship and its impact beautifully, “When we’re able to share with someone who we do feel safe with, we can realize that these things that are happening to us don’t make us unlovable and aren’t anything to have as a huge secret and don’t make our future dark and dreary. Actually, we have a really gorgeous future, and we deserve love and safety.”
If your sessions aren’t a place where you feel safe, it’s perfectly normal to want to break up with your therapist. Remember—you are in charge of your mental health and can dictate your care.
Related: 9 Ways To Begin Your Emotional Regulation Journey as an Adult, According to a Licensed Therapist
What Should the Therapeutic Relationship Be Like?
The therapeutic relationship develops from the interactions between you and your therapist over time. A therapist should provide a welcoming, empathetic and nonjudgmental environment for you to participate in therapy. In turn, you should be able to trust them and feel comfortable openly discussing difficult topics about your mental health.
Keep in mind that every therapeutic relationship isn’t going to be perfect from the start. It takes time for a therapist to earn your trust and confidence.
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12 Signs You Should Fire Your Therapist, From a Licensed Therapist
If it’s your first time in therapy, you grew up in an environment where mental health wasn’t prioritized, or if therapy wasn’t part of the regular conversation in your house, it could be difficult to know when it’s time to start looking for another provider. Here are 12 signs that you should fire your therapist.
1. They talk about themselves too much
Sometimes, therapists will talk about things they’ve experienced or disclose information about themselves during a session as a way to relate to you. But they shouldn’t spend the entire session talking about themselves. Not only is this unprofessional, but it also defeats the purpose of attending therapy. As I always say to clients, “You’re here to talk about you, not me!”
2. They don’t discuss the basics during your first session
Some of the first things your therapist should discuss with you are your expectations for therapy, what you liked or didn’t like about past mental health care experiences, and if you have any boundaries. Gathering these facts is crucial to help us therapists understand your preferences and goals and give us an idea of how to structure sessions. Plus, we want you to be informed about and feel comfortable with what happens in a session.
3. They pressure you to talk about something you don’t want to
This is tricky because you’re supposed to get out of your comfort zone in therapy. However, you shouldn’t feel so anxious or uncomfortable that it ruins the experience or that you start to shut down. You also shouldn’t feel like you have to defend your choice of topic. A good therapist will respect your boundaries and approach sensitive subjects appropriately.
4. They agree with everything you say
No therapist should be a “yes man” or be passive during every conversation. While having an objective perspective is necessary for the therapeutic relationship and to help you work through problems, your therapist should offer feedback rather than blind agreement with everything you bring up.
5. They don’t respect your boundaries
Setting boundaries is one of the most important things you can do with your therapist. You have the right to speak up or end the session if you feel uncomfortable at any point while meeting with your therapist or just in conversation.
6. You feel judged during a session
A therapist’s office is meant to be a welcoming space. Your therapist is also the one person you can talk to that you trust to hear you out, no matter what, without judgment. However, if you ever feel like a therapist is partisan to something you’re saying, it may be time to have a conversation with them.
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7. There’s no informed consent
When you fill out your intake paperwork, you should have informed consent to read and sign. It describes the risks and benefits of therapy, your rights as a client, and any policies and procedures a therapist has. Not only does this document promote transparency and trust in the therapeutic relationship, but it also legally protects both you and your therapist by outlining boundaries and expectations.
8. Everything’s about finances
It’s a huge red flag during a therapy session if the clinician only cares about insurance and payment. However, a therapist sometimes cannot start a visit until this information is up-to-date—especially regarding insurance. So, while collecting the fee and ensuring your insurance information is correct are necessary parts of a visit, it shouldn’t dominate the start of your conversation.
9. They don’t have the skill set to work with what you’re dealing with
It’s crucial for a therapist to have the necessary skill set to address your specific mental health concerns so you can receive the most effective treatment. For example, if you want to address frequent panic attacks after a traumatic event, you want to find someone specializing in trauma work. The more expertise and experience your therapist has, the better the chance you’ll respond to the intervention.
10. They aren’t on time
Chronically late therapists aren’t ones you want to work with. A lack of punctuality is disrespectful to your time because it may limit the length of the session. To ensure you receive your full, allocated time, hold your therapist accountable to the same standards they hold you to. Being 10-15 minutes late without warning is considered a no-show for most practices. If either party is running a few minutes behind (like the therapist’s session before yours is running long or you’re stuck in traffic), just let the other person know! This small gesture is simple and respectful for everyone involved.
11. You feel stuck or like you aren’t making progress
If you don’t feel like you’re making progress in therapy, it may be a sign that you need to reevaluate your treatment plan—which is the outline of your therapy goals and the interventions the therapist will use to help you achieve them. Sometimes, there might be a misalignment between the therapist’s approach and your needs, which is a sign you might need to start looking for a new therapist.
12. You’re just not that into them
There doesn’t have to be a specific reason you want to fire your therapist. Sometimes, your personalities might not match; it’s not anything they’ve directly done to you, you just don’t feel a connection.
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How Do You Fire Your Therapist Nicely?
Firing your therapist is a tough decision. And although it’s tempting to just stop showing up for your sessions, it can be really empowering to discuss why you’re not happy with your care. Let your therapist know how you feel, even though it might be awkward. Here’s an example of some things you can say to (nicely) initiate the breakup:
“I appreciate the effort you’ve put into helping me reach my mental health goals, but I don’t feel like what we’re doing is working.”
“I’d like to try a different approach to therapy with another provider.”
“I feel like although I’ve made progress, it’s time for me to move on to another therapist.”
“I’d really like to work with someone specializing in [whatever you’re looking for]. Do you have any recommendations?”
That doesn’t mean you should give up on a therapist after one session, except in rare circumstances (i.e., safety concerns). Always be honest with your therapist if you feel uncomfortable or unsatisfied with your progression. It’s important for us to be held accountable so we can do our jobs: helping you become the version of yourself that you want to be.
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