12 Wedding Dress Shopping Tips I Wish I Knew Beforehand
Warning: Some discussion of body image.
It was upon getting lunch with one of my editors, when I'd asked her to print out a return label for one of the many wedding dresses I'd returned, that I thought, "Hey, maybe this whole experience wasn't quite what I'd imagined" — i.e., the Say Yes to the Dress moment where my loved ones weep over my beauty in a well-lit room.
Natasha Jokic
I knew I wanted two things: a short, simple courthouse dress and a more traditional, sleeved ceremony dress. I had a pretty good idea about what I wanted for the latter, given that I have pics of wedding dresses on my phone dating back over a decade.
So, here's what I learned on my quest to say yes to...two dresses:
1.Sample sizes can be a struggle.
Listen, I have fairly big hips and tits (my fiancé is very lucky, I know). I am not nor will I ever be a size 00. I give you this context to say why I remarked that I felt like a sausage being squeezed into a casing in one of my appointments. Even though I told the stores my sizing in advance — I explicitly chose one place because they said they carried sample sizes in sizes 6, 14, and 22 — I didn't get to try on a dress that even closely fit. There were many moments where I had one tit half out and had to ask my friends to use the power of their imagination to see what it could look like. And I'm a fairly average clothing size! (That's a rant for another day.)
There's so much pressure as a bride to look your best, which unfortunately often means look thinner. I'm insecure about parts of my body (who isn't), and I had to remind myself that this is about finding a dress that looks good on me as I am, not the other way around. That isn't to say that these appointments were a total waste of time — they helped me narrow down the styles of dress I generally did or didn't like. But hey, if you also end up with one tit out with a random sales assistant in a dressing room: I've been there.
2.Some dress styles can go out of stock very quickly.
For my courthouse wedding dress, I booked an appointment a month in advance at a place known for its short wedding dresses. These have another name in the biz — Little White Dresses, as they're often used for non-ceremony bridal events. Lo and behold, I got to the appointment, and they were out of every dress I had requested bar one. I ended up trying a lot of long gowns, which was fun but would need extensive tailoring — negating the cost-effective nature of the dress. Obviously, this isn't true of every bridal salon (please do not take anything on this list as indicative of every bridal salon).
3.You (probably) need to make an appointment.
I naively swanned into one place thinking they'd at least let me look at their collection of Little White Dresses. Nope! A woman kindly escorted me off the white carpet and told me to make an appointment for the following month.
4.It's okay to be a lil' stressed.
Unfortunately, the universe did not get the memo that I am a blushing bride; ergo, all negativity should be suspended until after my nuptials. I have OCD. I still had OCD during my proposal, and OCD was also there during my dress appointments. I am sure I will also have OCD during my wedding! I might sound glib about it here, but I feel so much pressure for everything to be perfect. To center myself, I remember that what really matters is that I get to marry a very cool dude! Seriously, he's awesome!
5.It's good to try on a wide variety of dresses.
I was convinced I had found my perfect courthouse dress. Alas, I came to find that I resembled a French maid when I put it on. Conversely, some of the more unlikely candidates have ended up being a step in the right direction (shoutout to my sister, who said she'd never get married in a strapless wedding dress, who then got married in a strapless wedding dress).
6.People will probably think you look good in a lot of things.
At least, my very nice friends and family did. I tried on plenty of dresses that looked objectively fine but weren't really my personal style. Generally speaking, it's best to take the pressure off finding the dress, as you can obsess about finding something even better until the wedding date has long passed.
7.You can wear whatever you want.
I felt like I was in drag when the sales associate brought out a pair of kitten heels to wear with an overtly severe dress. I want to be comfy! I'm not even married to white at this point. It's your wedding; do whatever the hell makes you happy.
8.The online wedding dress market is pretty amazing.
I said yes to an Olivia Bottega gown that is gorgeous, spectacular, and mercifully within budget. Honestly, going online meant that I could get the exact style of ceremony dress I had long wanted — without a price tag that felt like it could kill me. I just made sure to vet any prospective company by checking other brides' experiences on Reddit and TikTok, as well as the 'ol reverse-image-search-to-make-sure-this-isn't-dropshipping.
9.Return policies are your friend.
An addendum to the previous point: I did find my ceremony dress with Olivia Bottega, but I made sure to check their return policy. They offered returns on standard-size dresses for a reasonable restock fee, so I ordered a size close to mine, ensured that I liked it, and then exchanged it to get one made in a custom size.
Holding myself accountable to another prior point, after two pretty disastrous dresses, I ended up buying multiple courthouse dresses at once. One of the places has a "try before you buy" policy, which means I only had to put down a $20 deposit for five dresses. I hope to the heavens that one of them works, good lord.
10.But being overwhelmed by choice is very real.
In my nightmares, it's just me scrolling through the white dresses tab on the Revolve website on a loop. The downside of the internet is that there are infinite dresses. Thankfully, I'm getting married soon, so I'll have to decide on the courthouse dress, lest I go nude. Fears of regret are part of the deal.
11.It's worth going to a tailor to get your measurements professionally taken.
If I had gone with the measurements I took, I would have ended up with a dress that was too loose on the waist and had my back spilling out of it, à la Quasimodo. I went to a tailor to take my measurements, and the custom ceremony dress I ordered online fit like a glove.
I did have an experience where I ordered one courthouse dress using my measurements and the sizing chart, and it was still way too big. Hey ho, at least I could return it.
12.I did have a moment where I tried on the dress that made me feel amazing — but it was in my room, shortly after an earthquake.
Shoutout to the delivery guy who seemed unfazed when I thanked him for giving me my dress a few minutes after the East Coast earthquake. I tried it on there and then, sneaking a look in the mirror while my fiancé slept in the same room. Sure, it wasn't a big ~moment~, but it was perfect for me, and that's what matters.