15 Phrases to Politely Turn Down an Invite Without Offending the Person
It’s happened to all of us. You receive an invitation to a really fun party, brunch or wedding, and it’s landing on the same day as your niece’s christening. Or partner’s birthday. Or perhaps it’s simply a day you plan to take off in the name of mental health.
Even in today’s fast and hurried digital age, it’s still key to prioritize politeness when responding to an invite. While it may feel like something out of an Emily Post book, etiquette still has its place in modern-day society, and invitation responses are the perfect way to practice being thoughtful. But how to politely decline an invite?
You may think that your response to an invitation is completely fine, but what if it really isn’t? Would you feel bad if the host ended up with hurt feelings, or worse, decided not to invite you to any additional engagements? Since kindness still wins nowadays, ahead, discover 15 phrases to politely turn down an invite without offending the person, according to etiquette experts.
What Are Some Impolite Ways To Decline an Invite?
Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts plainly states, “Filter your words to avoid hurt feelings.” This can be particularly true when responding to an invitation.
Also, Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and host of the weekly etiquette podcast “Were You Raised By Wolves?” points out that developing a reputation as someone who doesn’t RSVP promptly or declines rudely is “the fastest way to get removed from future guest lists.”
Our experts share some examples of impolite ways to decline an invite:
“We would love to come, but we were invited to a black-tie party the same night. Since Covid, I haven’t been able to dress up. Hope you understand.”
“The food at your last party wasn’t great, so I’ll pass.”
“Our mutual friend Lisa is having a party that night and she has cooler friends, so I’m going to go to that instead."
While these might be viewed as “extreme” examples of impoliteness, you get the idea. Check any potential rudeness at the door and look to these 15 polite phrases instead.
15 Phrases to Politely Decline an Invitation Without Offending the Person
1. “Thank you for the invitation, but I regret I will be unable to attend.”
Mirza Grotts likes to stick to the phrase, “Less is more,” when it comes to turning down an invitation, and this phrase is an example of putting that perspective into action.
2. "Thank you so much for inviting me! Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it due to a prior commitment."
Nicole Rose, Founder and CEO of Poised & Proper, shares this phrase as an example of putting gratitude first when it comes to turning down an invite.
“Remember that an invitation is an extension of goodwill,” she says. “Begin your response by expressing your genuine appreciation for being invited. Let the host know that you're truly honored to have received the invitation.”
3. "I truly appreciate the invitation. However, I have another engagement that day."
When responding to an invitation, Rose recommends keeping it honest and brief.
She says, “Honesty is the best policy. While you may have conflicting engagements or other priorities, it's perfectly acceptable to briefly explain the reason you can't attend. Keep it concise, and there's no need to go into excessive detail.”
4. “I just got over [a recent illness], and I don’t want to risk getting anybody sick. Thank you again for thinking of me.”
Mirza Grotts suggests turning to this phrase when saying no to an invite, but only use it if it’s the truth. If the host were to somehow discover that you actually weren’t sick and that you lied, it could come back to haunt you.
5. "I'm honored that you thought of me for [event]. Regrettably, I won't be able to attend due to a scheduling conflict."
In general, Rose advises utilizing “polite language” when turning down an invitation, and this phrase certainly shows that you have good manners. Words and phrases like "unfortunately," "regrettably," and "I won't be able to" convey your message while maintaining politeness, as Rose says.
Related: 8 Ways To Complain Politely and Still Get What You Want, According to a Therapist
6. "Thank you so much for the kind invitation. Unfortunately, I can’t attend, but I hope everyone has a great time!”
Leighton believes that there’s actually only one way to politely decline an invitation, and this is the phrase he prefers. He says that this phrase expresses gratitude for the invitation along with regret for not being able to attend. It also doesn’t offer any “unnecessary excuses.”
7. “You are the Auntie Mame of party givers, so it makes me sad that we will be unable to attend. I can’t wait to hear all of the details. Thank you.”
If your friend is as whimsical and chic as Auntie Mame, and you truly do love going to her parties, say something along these lines, as Mirza Grotts recommends. It will make the host feel good about their party-throwing talents.
8. "It means a lot to be included in [event]. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend due to a scheduling conflict."
This phrase expresses regret, according to Rose, and employs her advice: “Show empathy and acknowledge the significance of the event for the host. Express your regret for not being able to attend and convey your best wishes for a successful event.”
9. "Thank you for thinking of me for [event]. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it, but I hope it's a fantastic gathering."
This phrase ends on a positive note.
“Maintain a positive tone throughout your response,” Rose says. “Avoid sounding apologetic or guilty for not being able to attend. Keep the focus on your appreciation and the positive aspects of the invitation.”
10. “Of all the dates: it’s my sister’s birthday, and we have dinner plans with the family. Sorry to miss.”
As Mirza Grotts conveys with this phrase, you can let the host know how bummed you are that you can’t attend the event, and it shares a viable reason for why you can’t attend without going into too much extraneous detail.
Related: 15 Phrases To Disagree Respectfully, According to Psychologists
11. "I'm grateful for the invitation, but I have something else planned for that date."
While gratitude and politeness are hallmarks of this particular phrase, Rose says that it’s equally important to provide a timely response.
“Respond promptly to the invitation,” she says. “A timely reply not only shows respect for the host's efforts but also helps them make necessary arrangements if your attendance impacts the event's planning.”
12. "I appreciate your invitation, but I won't be able to make it this time. I hope it's a wonderful event."
By saying “this time” in your response, you’re letting the host know that you’d like to attend their next function, something that can help keep the door open. In general, Rose says that it can be helpful to end your response by expressing your hope for future opportunities to connect. “This leaves room for future interactions and reinforces your interest in staying engaged,” she says.
13. “You throw the best parties, but we have houseguests that weekend. Thanks so much.”
This phrase, shared by Mirza Grotts, expresses gratitude and is complimentary at the same time.
14. "I'm so glad you invited me, but I have a conflicting commitment on that day."
After saying this phrase, Rose recommends offering an alternative to attending the party.
“If appropriate, consider offering an alternative, such as meeting for coffee or connecting at another time,” she advises. “This shows your genuine interest in maintaining the relationship, even if you can't attend the specific event.”
15. "I'm really touched by your invitation. Unfortunately, I won't be available to attend."
Marked by kindness and sincerity, this phrase is a simple and sweet way to turn down an invitation. If you feel remorse about saying no to an invite, Rose says that it’s important to remember that it’s simply a normal part of life.
“People understand that schedules can be demanding,” she says. “By using these tips, you can navigate the process with grace and maintain positive connections with those around you.”
Next up, discover 50 etiquette rules to live by.
Sources:
Lisa Mirza Grotts, etiquette expert.
Nick Leighton, etiquette expert and host of the weekly etiquette podcast, “Were You Raised By Wolves?”
Nicole Rose, Founder and CEO of Poised & Proper.
