16 things that will definitely happen during Celebrity Bake Off
Pop the kettle on and raid the biscuit barrel, because Bake Off is back, several months earlier than expected.
And what could be welcome during the coldest March in living memory than a bonus mini-series of TV’s cosiest contest?
The not-terribly-snappily titled Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer heralds the first charity series on the sweet-toothed franchise’s new home of Channel 4.
Over the next five weeks, 20 celebrities of varying fame levels – from politicians to pop stars – will venture into the familiar marquee to fight it out for the coveted Star Baker apron.
Here’s our sneak preview of 16 things to look out for…
1. A politician dons oven gloves
Continuing the trend for politicians entering reality contests – see Ed Balls, Stanley Johnson and Anne Widdecombe – is Ruth Davidson, the likeably smiley leader of the Scottish Conservative Party. But how will she handle going from Holyrood to Paul Hollywood?
2. Camilla Parker-mixing-bowls...
The Duchess of Cornwall makes a cameo appearance of sorts... and as you’ve never seen her before: sporting an orange swimsuit and sunbathing on a Union Jack towel. We’ll say no more.
3. 'Great British' bloopers
Novices bakers mean marquee mishaps a-plenty. Buns get dropped, an unsightly chocolate cake gets compared to “a cow pat” and Paul Hollywood slams “the worst gingerbread I’ve ever tasted”. One accident-prone punter sets fire to the kitchen roll. Another absent-mindedly bakes their cupcakes’ buttercream topping instead of their sponge mixture. Oops.
4. Funniest episodes ever
Mainly thanks to its comedian contestants, this series boasts the most mirth-packed Bake Offs yet. Harry Hill and Roisin Conaty thoroughly steal the first show. In the coming weeks, Lee Mack, Joe Lycett and Alan Carr do likewise.
5. Mary Berry gets a mention
No spoilers, but there’s a joke about the show’s much-loved former judge in the opening episode. And it’s a cheeky one. Let’s hope Mazza Bezza sees the funny side.
6. New addition to the decor
For these charity specials, huge white foam characters forming an outsized “SU2C” logo have been placed on the rolling lawns outside the tent. Naturally, presenters Noel Fielding and Sandi Toksvig proceed to have some fun with them.
7. Paul plays mind games
Blue-eyed, silver-bearded alpha baker Paul Hollywood plays up to his “Mr Nasty” persona by lurking ominously behind the bakers and psyching them out with pointed questions. But it’s not all bad: he also extends his fabled “Hollywood handshake” to several delighted stars.
8. A musical breaks out in the marquee
There’s a quartet of musicians among the contestants – namely Spandau Ballet’s Martin Kemp, Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson, R’n’B diva Ella Eyre and musical comedian-cum-Matilda composer Tim Minchin. Can they hit the right notes here? Or will their bakes fall flat?
9. Prue looks on-point
Dough doyenne Prue Leith has quietly excelled since stepping into Mary Berry’s comfy shoes. Expect more bright colours, chunky necklaces and statement specs giggly from TV’s most stylish 78-year-old.
10. Someone has oven trouble
One hapless baker forgets to turn on their Neff slide-and-hide oven. Another puts it on the wrong setting and wonders why their scones aren’t rising. There’s the traditional anxious peering through oven doors. Don’t they realise a watched cake never bakes?
11. The older male contestants look baffled
Some males of a certain age aren’t accustomed to getting their hands floury, so can the contest’s three mature men do their generation proud? Countdown host Nick Hewer professes to be a kitchen novice and is downright hilarious. Veteran broadcaster Bill Turnbull and comedian Griff Rhys Jones promise to be rather more proficient with a piping bag.
12. Contestants turn cartwheels
Big-haired Perri Kiely from streetdance troupe Diversity turns out to be a Bake Off superfan, so turns a celebratory backflip or two in the tent. Prue Leith, bless her, can’t bear to look in case he does himself an injury on the workbenches.
13. Noel’s blouse party
Forget Mary Berry’s floral bombers or Paul Hollywood’s dad jeans. Co-host Noel Fielding’s signature garment has become his boldly printed shirts. Shield your eyes because there are some more corkers coming our way.
14. Dash of Hollywood glamour
Californian actress Teri Hatcher (best known as Lois Lane in The New Adventures Of Superman and Susan in Desperate Housewives) adds a dollop of Transatlantic chic to the tent. The field is completed by winningly warm daytime TV types Stacey Solomon and Melanie Sykes, Paralympian Kadeena Cox, Irish actress/comedian Aisling Bea and Made In Chelsea star Jamie Laing.
15. Get set for some sad bits
It’s not all mirth and marzipan. This all being in aid of Cancer Research UK, we also get telethon-style tugs on the heartstrings to encourage viewers to dig deep and donate. The celebrities discuss how cancer has impacted on their lives and there are tear-jerking videos about cancer victims. Pass the Kleenex and credit card.
16. A good bake, with no soggy bottom
Otherwise, it’s Bake Off business as usual: a mouthwatering mix of innuendos, camaraderie, tea cake and sheer joy, airing for the next five Tuesdays at 8pm on Channel 4. As Noel and Sandi say: “On your marks, get set… bake for Stand Up To Cancer!”
The Great Celebrity Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer begins on Channel 4 tonight (6 March), 8pm