2 Millennials Watch ‘Top Gun’ for the First Time
Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis in Top Gun. (Photo: Getty Images)
Top Gun — which became part of the Library of Congress’s National Film Registry in December — was released on May 16, 1986, almost exactly one year before I was born, and two years before the birth of my colleague, Jihan. Which is to say that, for most of our cognizant lives, we’ve understood Tom Cruise to be more of a couch-jumping shorty with a plastered-on smile and a passion for Xenu than 1990′s Sexiest Man Alive.
But on Friday, that all changed. With the movie’s 30th anniversary looming, Jihan and I were given the assignment to watch the ’80s classic for the very first time — and review it in real time on instant messaging! It was truly a nosedive straight into the “Danger Zone.”
There was laughter. There was sadness. There was confusion. There were breaths taken away. And there was sweat — SO much sweat.
Read on for our deep thoughts on six of Top Gun’s most pivotal scenes.
The First Bar Scene/ When Maverick Meets Charlie
Jihan 3:20 p.m.: Now they’re breaking out into song? I would feel really threatened. That’s too much military testosterone for ya girl to handle.
Nora 3:20: How many women would be like, “OMG, a TOM CRUISE-looking guy is singing to me at a bar!!!” And then they’ll stand up and be like, “Oops, nvm.”
Jihan 3:21 : No he did not just introduce himself as Maverick! That’s like if some dude introduced himself by his rapper name. I would be like, “Boy, bye” (Beyoncé voice.)
Nora 3:21: Bye!
Jihan 3:22: YOU’RE INTERRUPTING MY GRINDIN’!
Nora 3:22: She isn’t down with Mav. Is her friend her dad?
(At this point, Maverick follows Charlie into the bathroom.)
Nora 3:22: OMG, SEXUAL HARRASSMENT! Where is Ted Cruz RIGHT NOW, tho?
@Jihan 3:23: Ted Cruz would totally be freaking out!
The Class Scene, aka “Hot for Teacher”
Jihan 3:25: Charlie’s hair is AMAZING. From here on she will be known as Becky with the good hair. I don’t care, I don’t care!
Nora 3:25: OMG I hate this awkward flirting in front of everyone!
Nora 3:26: Mav’s brows on fleek!
Jihan 3:26: I need to recreate this hairstyle Becky/Charlie’s got going on. I haven’t straightened my hair in months, but mama is inspiring me.
(The scene changes.)
Jihan 3:26: WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GLAM HAIR?? WTF???
Nora 3:27: It shrank.
Jihan 3:27: Ugh, I know the struggle.
Nora 3:27: LOL
Jihan 3:27: Curl shrinkage is real in these streets.
Nora 3:27: I don’t get it — he tried to make a move at the bar and she wasn’t having it, and now she’s like, “WAIT, YOU NOSEDIVED?” OK!
That Volleyball Scene
Jihan 3:37: YES, SHIRTLESS VOLLEYBALL! Yaaassss! This is my fave scene, hands down.
Nora 3:39: PECS! SWEAT!
Jihan 3:40: I wish these dudes were slightly bigger, tho.
Nora 3:40: GREASE! BABY OIL! BALL(s)!
Jihan 3:40: SO MANY BALLS. SEEN AND UNSEEN.
Nora 3:40: Ice Man is so serious, even about volleyball!
The Sex Scene
Jihan 3:52: This s*** is moving way too fast. He’s definitely standing on a milk crate in this scene.
Jihan 3:52: OKAY, THEY’RE FINALLY LETTING “TAKE MY BREATH AWAY” PLAY. LYRICS COME THRUUUU!
Nora 3:52: This is the fifth time they’ve played this song.
Jihan 3:52: This shadowy make-out scene is uncomfortable.
Nora 3:52: Such tongue. So slow.
Jihan 3:52: What saliva! WOW, eww, this sex scene is making me uncomfortable!!
Nora 3:53: That was somehow both excruciatingly slow and very fast.
Jihan 3:53: Kind of like your first time imao!
***SPOILER***
Goose Dies
Jihan 4:05: If they kill off Goose…
Nora 4:05: WHAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT
Jihan 4:05: EJECT!!
Nora 4:06: NO GOOSE, NOOOO!!!
Jihan 4:06: NOOOOOO. WHY GOOSE GOTTA GO?????????? I’m done with this movie!
Nora 4:06 : OMG he parachuted while dead??? Nooooo!
Jihan 4:06: OK, turn it off LOL. This plot development is trash!
Nora 4:06: He died in a GREAT BALL OF FIRE. RIP Goosey!
Jihan 4:07: You know what? I can’t believe they just did sweet Meg Ryan (Goose’s wife) like this.
The Finale/Fight Scene
Nora 4:33: Why are these planes ALWAYS SPINNING?
Jihan 4:33: I feel like this scene is important but IDK what’s going on.
Nora 4:33: They aren’t in a war, are they? … Or did I miss that?
Jihan 4:33: I want to watch ‘Lemonade’ at this point, just sayin’.
Nora 4:33: If these guys are the best in the Navy, then why do they all SUCK? Also, I get it now, they are HELPING ICE MAN. Goose is saving him from THE AFTERWORLD.
Jihan 4:34: How dope would it be if Maverick was a medium? This movie would have been much more interesting if Maverick could talk to spirits.
Nora 4:34: GREAT BALLS of fire!!!!!!!!
Jihan 4:34: So many balls, so much fire!
Nora 4:35: WHAT IS HAPPENING?? WHO IS SHOOTING THEM? I THOUGHT THEY WERE TRAINING? WHAT WAR IS THIS? WHO JUST GOT BLOWN UP?
Jihan 4:37: Well, I guess they just killed some bad guys? The Library of Congress preserved this film, yet Cam’Ron’s Killa Season gets no love. Trash!
Nora 4:40: Wow, all it took for Ice and Mav to be friends was almost dying.
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