28 People Who Tried To Gatekeep Masculinity (And Proved How Fragile Theirs Is)

1.Apparently, men aren't allowed to have heated seats. Who knew!

2.Trailer = good. Woman = bad. Woman no understand truck. *Smashes head into brick wall*

3.Whoops, forgot to get any tattoos, how will people know my gender identity?????????

4.If you don't like football, then you wear underwear marketed for women, which somehow makes a value statement about you. Life must be so complicated for these people!

5.*Extremely SpongeBob face* Y'all respect men who...

6.Y'know what, I'm gonna man bun even HARDER.

7."Be a MAN. Build the Ikea cabinet WRONG the first time. Spend twice the amount of TIME because you refuse to READ."

8.Ladies, if your boyfriend doesn't annoy the whole neighborhood, you have...a decent and thoughtful boyfriend.

9.Gee whiz, better go kill some aquatic animals!

10.Will the Itty Bitty Masculinity Committee at least send me a self-addressed stamped envelope to mail my card in?

11.If I have an Xbox AND a toolbox, am I at least 50% real? Because I'll get rid of the toolbox if I can be 100% imaginary.

12.Best call me "boy" then because wingtips are super uncomfortable, my dude.

13.Wait, so this one is actually saying that golf — the sports equivalent of a straight cis white man in cargo shorts — is not for men?

14.This is so specific that I really need to know exactly how long this person spent staring at the photo in question.

15.I'm not even going to talk about the phone thing because it's already so hilarious to me that this person separated "men in relationships" from "real men." What an incredible self-own.

16.Okay, I actually love the logical conclusion this comes to, though. Dads who don't have a full beard are moms, so Daniel Craig is a mom. Tom Brady is a mom. Denzel Washington is usually a mom, but sometimes not a mom. John Mulaney is a mom. Congrats, gents!

17.You know what's manly? Traumatic brain injuries from your head slamming into your steering wheel at 40 MPH. Hell yeah, brother *air guitar*!

18."Fellas, is it gay to break down cardboard?"

19."1 Retweet".

20.How the fuck am I supposed to drink weights?

21.Oops, I'm a fictional man, guess I'll stick with Sweet Baby Ray's.

22.I thought I needed a beard to be a real man, but it turns out I just needed a straight razor! Oh, you're wondering what all these pieces of bloody toilet paper stuck to my face are? Nothing, don't worry about it.

23.Good thing I haven't been excited about anything since 1996! (It was Space Jam, I was giddy about Space Jam.)

24.What's this? Metal accents? Sleek, modern furniture? PLANTS?! Throw that shit away and get yourself a La-Z-Boy and an undersized TV stand you found on the curb!

25.Gas is, like, $5 a gallon here.

26.At least being blonde is slightly less important to her than not being a neo-Nazi.

27.This is why I wake up every morning and punch myself in the face.

28.And finally, there's so much going on here that I don't even know where to start. But I will say that my favorite Taylor Swift song is currently "Getaway Car."

H/T to r/gatekeeping