Pure of heart, people-pleasing and perfectionistic, Virgos have amazing qualities that occasionally flirt with dysfunction. (See: the blurred line between being hardworking and being a workaholic.) Here, expert advice on how to love, nurture and live with this complex personality. Hey, at least you’ll never be bored!

If your partner is a neat freak

There are three people in your marriage: You, your spouse and Marie Kondo. You make a cup of coffee, and he dumps it and washes the mug before you get halfway to the bottom. You’re lazing around with the Sunday paper (heaven), but he recycles it before you get to the Styles section. And who could forget that party you guys threw when he made everyone take off their shoes? 

So how do you get your S.O. to relax and smell the roses? The best you can hope for may be compromise. “My husband is a neat freak, and I am, let's just say, not,” writes Psychology Today’s Amy Rosenberg. “We have reached a settlement on one issue—if I leave dishes in the kitchen sink, I have to clean the bathroom. For his part, he's agreed to ignore the mess in my half of our home office.” And if you can’t beat him, consider all the physical and mental health benefits of having an organized habitat—and join him. Though maybe you should draw a line in the sand about allowing footwear at your next fiesta.

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If your spouse is judgmental

If your wife’s snap judgements and hyper-critical outlook are bringing you down, you need to speak up, stat. First, understand her motivation. “Most critical people remain primarily self-critical,” writes relationship expert Dr. Steven Stosny. “I have never treated one who was not. As hard as they are on others, most are at least equally hard on themselves.” Heartbreakingly, it is likely they were harshly criticized as children, and have turned that negative gaze outward as adults. Try working with your spouse to find constructive, solution-oriented ways to transform that criticism into actionable feedback. Stosny’s example? “Criticism focuses on what’s wrong. (‘Why can’t you pay attention to the bills?’) Feedback focuses on how to improve. (‘Let’s go over the bills together.’)”  

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If your partner is a people-pleaser

On the flipside, Virgo may also be one of the most giving signs in the Zodiac. “Above all else, Virgos want to help,” writes astrologer Aliza Kelly Faragher. “They are kind, gentle, and supportive friends and lovers who use their incredible intellect and resourcefulness to problem-solve.” Your S.O.’s cousin needs to move? He’ll haul the piano! His old college roommate shows up at your door at 10 p.m. unannounced? No problem! Of course, he can sleep on the couch. You love that your partner is loving. But if he doesn’t set some boundaries, you’re going over the edge. Here’s the plan: Set some yourself. “Just because your partner tries to please everyone doesn’t mean you have to, too,” writes therapist Sharon Martin. “Setting healthy boundaries models for your partner that it’s normal and completely acceptable to say ‘No’ sometimes. It also reinforces the message that everyone needs to prioritize self-care and being treated with respect.” Pro tip? Make sure one of the people he prioritizes pleasing is you.

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