4 Elderly Couples Explain the Secret to Love
When all your romantic pursuits seem hopeless and every scroll through your messages feels like walking through a graveyard of dating app ghosts, it can be easy to lose hope in finding a true and lasting love. And even if you've found one, how do you hold on to it? Here, four couples who have been together for 30, 40, 50, and 60+ years share their love stories and advice that will have you believing in luck, destiny, and corny Disney-style love.
Marie and Leo Morris
Both Marie and Leo are 73 years old. They've been married 53 years.
How they met:
In an adorable meet-cute that sounds straight out of a teen rom-com, Marie and Leo Morris met in their high school cafeteria in Brooklyn, New York in 1960. Leo had recently moved from Panama, and Marie, originally from Tennessee, had just moved from Pennsylvania. Marie’s best friend was dating Leo’s friend at the time and introduced the two. Leo even joined the glee club to be with Marie, but was kicked out when the teacher found out he couldn’t sing. Marie would always play jokes on Leo, too. She would forge hall passes to give to Leo’s teachers to excuse him from class, or have the school call Leo to tell him there was an accident and then greet him at her house pretending to be a ghost.
If two people from two separate continents could wind up at the same school lunch table and fall in love, there’s got to be some hope in the world, right?
How they make it work:
The couple credits teamwork, respect, and support as the keys to their happy marriage.
Marie: He’s the talker, and I’m more likely to make a joke before I get all serious with words, but he completes me... we balance each other out. He makes me feel wanted, you know? I don’t know what I would do without him, I really don’t. We always do things together. We travel together, we do everything together... We can’t live without each other.
Leo: You have to respect your partner. If you don’t respect your partner, it will fail. We work as a team. We never work against each other. Whenever we have to decide on something we'll discuss it, plan it, but ultimately Marie is the boss... And that’s how we have such a long, happy marriage.
Virginia and Herbert Kee
Virginia is 85 years old, Herbert is 88 years old. They've been married for 66 years.
How they met:
Virginia and Herbert met in New York City at a Chinese-American community dance in 1951 when they were both in college. Virginia was studying at Hunter College in the city and Herbert was at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in upstate New York. On the night they met, Virginia was wearing a red velvet dress and recalls Herbert asking her to dance several times throughout the evening. Despite their chemistry, when the night ended and the time came for people to walk their dates home, Herbert ended up walking another woman home who lived closer to him instead of Virginia. Herbert jokes that at the time, Virginia was not quite “geographically acceptable,” since she lived so much further away compared to the other woman.
Virginia says she thought that was the end of their relationship, but she wound up running into Herbert again at a summer retreat organized by their church a few months later. Her sister clued Herbert in about her summer plans, so he signed himself up knowing she would be there. Once they reconnected, they realized they had a surprising amount in common. They had both grown up across the street from each other in New York City - Herbert at 11 Mott St, and Virginia at 6 Mott St - and had played together as children before Virginia’s family moved away from the neighborhood. A week later, Herbert proposed and Virginia agreed.
How they make it work:
The couple credits their mutual dedication to community service as the backbone of their relationship.
Virginia: Herbert was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2015 and it’s more difficult now than it’s ever been because of his illness. Nevertheless, we try to keep active in the community because that really helps us. It's important that you have the same goals in a relationship. I used to think I was missing something because we never had children and everybody was having families. But then I became a middle school teacher with hundreds of children, and began mentoring some of my students in the community and they became part of our life. We say we’re so blessed that we have so many godchildren now.
Now because we’re elderly, we need a lot more patience and grace. The glue that holds our relationship together are the years of love and devotion. Herbert and I have said our goodbyes many times now. We know that when the time comes that we have said to each other, ‘I love you’ ‘I will always be with you,’ whether we’re there or not.
Herbert: We have a lot of people that we mentor, and in turn they mentor us. We have many things that we share and that helps.
Marcia Scarnato and Yolanda Yturregui
Marcia is 74 years old, Yolanda is 69 years old. They've been together for over 30 years.
How they met:
In 1988, Marcia and Yolanda met at a birthday party of a mutual friend. Yolanda was with another woman she had dated on-and-off at the time, but Marcia says she knew right away that it was love at first sight. “She walked through the door, and my heart jumped out of my chest. I walked right up to her, introduced myself, and told her that I was her destiny, that we were meant to be.” It took six months of Marcia courting Yolanda before they started dating, but Marcia says it was all worth it. “I felt like a teenager and I was 45 at the time. I was so in love immediately. It just took me time to convince her.” she says.
Yolanda also felt a deep connection to Marcia from the get-go, though it wasn’t necessarily love at first sight. The two of them spoke in depth about spirituality and realized they had a lot in common. Yolanda was a therapist and Marcia was in school to become a therapist, and they both loved racquetball. The more time they spent together, Yolanda realized she enjoyed being with Marcia more than with the other woman. Yolanda broke it off with her ex so she and Marcia could start dating.
How they make it work:
The couple says the key component for their happy relationship is mutual respect and communication - especially during arguments.
Marcia: We can have an argument and fight, but we don’t look to hurt each other. We talk about what’s up if we’re having friction, but it’s not about accusing. It’s about learning, sharing, and knowing ‘I’m not gonna get annihilated because I put my heart on the line.’ If you love someone and you wanna spend your life with them, why would you want to needle them? If we’re having an argument, we don’t bring in [what happened] thirty years ago or nick at each other’s soft spots. We’re not there to hurt each other, we’re there to support each other.
Yolanda: It’s so important to look at oneself and not to blame the other person for everything that's going on. It’s more about making “I” statements about things and sharing what’s going on for you when this happens and not pointing fingers. Since we both are able to look at ourselves and work on ourselves, when we do have an argument, we’re able to examine ourselves more thoughtfully and come to an understanding better. It’s more like growing together. We’re open to hearing what the other person has to say.
Shakti and Kimata Chadda
Shakti is 68, Kimata is 75. They've been married for 47 years.
How they met:
Shakti and Kimata had an arranged marriage in 1971. The two had only met once before their wedding, when Kimata’s family went over to Shakti’s house for a cup of coffee. Shakti made a brief appearance, and then the two didn’t see each other again for nearly a year until their wedding.
They were married in 1971 when Shakti was 21 and Kimata was 28. Shakti says she always hears from friends wondering how they could become so close even though they didn’t know each other prior. “In America, you love and then marry, but for us, we marry and then love.” The two have been happily married for over 47 years. “Every day is our Valentine’s Day” says Shakti. “We never have to wait for February 14th, because there’s so much love,” Kimata says. They both credit the success and happiness of their relationship to hard work, compromise, and trust.
How they make it work:
The couple says prioritizing each other’s happiness above all else is the golden rule of their marriage.
Kimata: We love each other every day and want one another to be happy. It’s like, I’m the wax of the candle and she’s the flame of the candle. The flame cannot be burned without the wax, and wax has no use without the flame. So we have to support each other like a burning candle.
Shakti: We always try to bring a smile to each other’s faces because life is short and we want to be happy. My favorite thing about him is his trust. He trusts me so much and never complains about anything. He’s so kind and patient and he appreciates everything I do for him. We’re like best friends as well as husband and wife; we are everything to each other.
Special thanks to the YMCA of Bedford-Stuyvesant, Open Door Senior Citizens Center, Chinese American Planning Council, SAGE (Services & Advocacy for GLBT Elders), and The New York Department for the Aging,
Interviews have been edited and condensed for clarity.
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