5 Hard Lessons I Learned Spring-Cleaning My Closet
I’m not saying that “tidiness guru” Marie Kondo ruined my life. That would be hyperbolic of me, and also a bit batty, since Kondo is but a humble anti-clutter advocate who lives on the opposite side of the globe, and I have never met her. Still, Kondo’s book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up — or, more accurately, its rhapsodic reception in women’s media — inspired me to do some rash things that I now regret.
I’ve always been, as my boyfriend charitably puts it, a “preparer.” What he really means, of course, is that I’m a neurotic. When I’m going on vacation, I set out with hand-written daily itineraries planned to the hour, even if those hours are marked “chillax on beach with William Gibson novel.” In my home, this translated to owning things on a “just in case” basis — for example, 20 pots and pans of all sizes, despite only ever using the same two. It also meant several closets full of clothes I literally never wore, but kept nonetheless. Just because my life at that moment didn’t require a vintage kimono lounge set, or a silk shantung tiger-striped skirt, doesn’t mean it’d never happen.
So, you can see why I was seduced by the promises of a life lived in ascetic, minimalist joy in Marie Kondo’s book. I dutifully purged, and donated, and purged again. And losing about 30% of my stuff felt good. My closets closed again. I felt less wasteful. I didn’t have to visit an ATM for weeks after hauling six overflowing bags to Buffalo Exchange. I was afraid I’d miss what I gave away, but most of it was forgotten the moment I dropped it off at Goodwill, never to be thought of again. Everything, that is, except these five items.
In my de-cluttering mania, I may have gone overboard. Just like it’s seductive to own way too much junk in hopes that it’ll someday prove useful, the logic of simplifying is similarly seductive. You can feel your life getting lighter, less material-bound. You feel smug as hell. There’s something saintly about it — until you reach for that perfect blazer or T-shirt you deep-sixed in a fit of de-clutter mania, and are hit with a case of the post-Kondo blues. Here, my tribute to the five spring-cleaned items I miss the most. Spring clean and spark joy, by all means, but heed my cautionary tale.
Majestic Filatures Scoop Neck Elbow Sleeve Tee, $135, bloomingdales.com
The Perfect White T-shirt: Early in my Kondo-ing, I decided to part with anything stained or damaged beyond repair. So when I saw my trusty, American Apparel T-shirt, slightly yellowed with the sweat of five summers, I tossed it. “I’ll just replace it,” I thought hopefully. “American Apparel still makes all the same stuff!” Since I had not actually been inside an American Apparel store in five years, little did I know that they don’t make the same stuff anymore. In fact, I’m not sure they make any opaque, full-length clothing for adults anymore. After fleeing in abject terror from the fluorescent-lit hellhole piled high with XXS nylon crop tops, I realized I probably just should have tried bleaching my tee. Lesson learned.
The lesson: Try to fix your favorites before you toss them out — or at least make sure they’re still being made.
AYR The Flirty Crop, $225, ayr.com
Cropped, Wide-Leg Pants: The culotte trend was such a thing last year, and I convinced myself when I purged my closet that my favorite, camel-colored pair were a flash in the pan — the kind of thing I’d be embarrassed to wear in a year’s time. And yet, here we are, a year later, culottes still going strong, and me without my MVPs. They made my waist look tiny, too. Damnit.
The Lesson: If it looks great on you, keep it — no matter how trendy.
Coach Mini Duffle in Glove Tanned Leather, $395, coach.com
My Vintage Coach Bucket Bag: It was seafoam green, buttery soft leather, and held plenty, without looking bulky. It was the perfect city bag, but after a solid two years of carrying it almost daily, I was sick to death of it. So I let it go in the great purge — only to envy other women when I see them carrying the same thing. I could replace it, but I’m too grumpy at the prospect of dropping $400 on something I used to own, and let get away.
The lesson: Never purge a classic bag just because you’re sick of wearing it. Instead, store it out of sight and switch to a different bag. Chances are, your love for it will return, and you (or your daughter) will be glad you kept it.
J Brand Jeans Maria High-Waist Skinny Jeans, $218, bergdorfgoodman.com
Mid-Rise Skinny Jeans: I work in fashion, so I should really know better. But after reading two years of internet think pieces about the skinny jeans’ demise, I bought into the hype, and gave away all but two pairs of skinnies. It didn’t take me long to realize that *I* still loved skinnies, even if they were falling out of favor in the fashion world. What other jean can make you feel like a Ramone, and also fit under thigh-high boots? Flares can’t do that, that’s for sure.
The Lesson: Forget what’s in and out — keep what you love. Also, skinny jeans 4ever.
H&M x Isabel Marant Blazer, photo courtesy H&M.
The Perfect, Slouchy Blazer: This one hurts. In a momentary fit of practicality, I convinced myself I’d never get enough use out of my beloved H&M x Isabel Marant tuxedo-style blazer. By god was it perfect, though — shawl-collared, a little bit slouchy, tied at the waist with a ribbon just so nonchalantly. Still, out it went — and since then, I have wished for it approximately five dozen times. Like when I need to add some polish to a floral maxi dress. Or when I’m wearing the world’s most basic sweater and jean combo and need to elevate it. Or when it’s fashion week and I feel like nothing I own is fancy enough.
The Lesson: Even if you barely wear them, keep a few special-occasion items that make you feel fancy. Because there is no greater despair than panic-shopping for formal wear.
Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day.
